An end-of-the-world guidebook to feelings

If you’re reading this in your kitchen, contemplating a half-eaten piece of toast on a Friday morning, the birds chirping outside, then, no—the world hasn’t ended like they said.

But if, say, the Mayan calendar really was telling of when the world was going to end, have you assessed how you might feel about it? We’d react to the end of the world in different ways, depending on our innate reflex reaction, or the context of which state our life is in. Can’t pinpoint your feelings? See this unofficial guidebook to end-of-the-world feelings.

‘Fine’

You hate to be quite boastful about it, but you’re not sure it would be such a sorrowful thing if the world ended then and there. As the great Michael Stipe of the iconic American rock band R.E.M sang, “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fiiiine…”

Because clichéd as it seems, you’ve lived life as if the world were bound to end anyway, squeezing the very essence out of living. Sure, this whole mindset may stem from a pool of selfishness. But most things on earth revolve around self-interest anyway. So you don’t mind feeling content about it.

‘Worried’

If you’re running down the list of things you still need to do before that asteroid hits earth, an impending sense of doom is what lingers. You’re worried that you only have 24 hours or so left to live, and your personal to-do list is longer than you could ever imagined. Suddenly, you’re worried that you didn’t make the most of the life that was given to you, that you could’ve done better, or that you won’t be remembered for anything. You’re wondering if the after-life will provide the same kinds of opportunities you had, and now feel you lost.

‘Guilty’

If an old address book and a telephone are keeping you busy on doomsday, then you are probably appeasing a very guilty conscience, looking to make amends with all of the people you may have wronged. The range of which starts from the seemingly trivial ex-girlfriends: “It was actually you… not me. I thought you were a bit insane.”

To heavier relationships like an old best friend: “I’m sorry I just forgot about your existence in my life.”

‘Motivated’

“Ten places to visit before I die.”

“Ten things to eat before I die.”

“Ten people I want to see, and what I will tell them.”

“Ten things my parents never allowed me to do, but I want to do.”

When you heard about the impending end, you quickly whipped out your dated trapper keeper and jotted down lists of things you need to do before world ends. You are motivated to cap off your life on a good note by remembering all of the things you loved the most about it, and getting a taste of the things you never had. Game face: on.

‘Lonely’

Your internal thought bubble is screaming, “I’m going to die alone!” While that scene in Titanic of the old couple cuddling as the water violently rushes in, plays in your head. You smile sadly at this thought, while you self-pityingly just give yourself a hug. No one else will. Now that the world is ending, where the hell is Mr. Right?

Maybe he’s busy making amends with his ex-girlfriends.

‘Loved’

Twenty text messages and 50 Facebook chats later, from friends and family who are saying their last words, you feel an overwhelming sense of warmth and love. Issues are closed and mistakes are forgiven, and anyone who ever made an impact on your life has said their ‘I love you’s. You feel that at this moment, you have seen and experienced all the beauty that the world had promised to live up to, but that no one actually sees it until the very end. Oh the irony.

‘Amazed’

Holy cow, the world really is ending, isn’t it? You’re sort of half-assed smirking that this fact could be true. You’ve gone over and beyond the whole issue of life and death itself, and are a part of a very rare breed with a meta state of mind. In this mindset, the fact that the world is going to end just amuses you. You’ve accepted that this is the reality of things. If it happens, as people said it would, then it was written in the stars. You sit back, laugh out loud, and shake your head in disbelief, “Wow, them Mayans were legit.”

‘Prepared’

A great amount of time watching Doomsday Preppers has trained you for exactly this. You feel equipped with enough survival tactics and methods. Your sole objective on this day is to make it through this worldly disaster, in order to transcend to the next world.

Oh, wait, now you’re a bit confused about whether the end of the world will bring a hoard of zombies, or a series of natural disasters. Ah, never mind, you’ve already rehearsed your winning line anyway, when you’re the only living person on Earth who survived. With a smug smile and a raised middle finger, you cry out, “Whassup, motherf***ers!”