Don’t pretend to be nice

Halloween is upon us. Yes, the holiday where freaks and miscreants come out of hiding and are celebrated for who they are instead of what society has dictated them to be. When “all of the ghouls come out to play,” as Florence Welch would sing; when man’s innermost demons and inhibitions are unleashed with the right amount of accoutrement and sinful libation. When Lady Gaga’s little monsters take center stage, tear up the town, f*ck up the establishment, and marry the night. Yes, it’s a very exciting occasion, I have come to realize (of late), but also a very complicated one.

As a kid, it was easy to get by on Bibo hotdog cuteness and some random, raggedy-Anne costume from the toy store. And your targets — the adults — were always all too willing to indulge your candied whims. A simple kiss on your tita’s cheek or a shake of your baby fat (read: baby phat) booty would always do the trick, and then get you a bagful of Bazooka Joe, White Rabbit, or even better, lucky money. But as an adult, getting some candy would entail that you’d have to work harder and bust yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically for the top prize. More than the candy, sometimes it’s also about having to go to great lengths to turn yourself into desirable eye candy.

It’s not that it ain’t fun to change it up and maneuver yourself through the sh*tshow of Manila’s dating Interpol — where everyone is someone’s ex, or has baggage or a complicated back story (eek!), or that the world is simply too small that, at some point, you just have to set your sights on bigger fish or go outside of Manila’s flappable bubble. Move abroad, date a foreigner, lest in my friend’s wise words, you “become a vegetable.” I seriously wish I had remained the latter, unfazed by all this romantic and farcical brouhaha. No, it’s that dating in Manila can get so exhausting. You seriously wonder how your parents found each other.

Buffy from TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer endured emotionally tormenting (not to mention, almost deadly) consequences when she chose her Halloween costume based on what she thought her undead beau would like.

As excruciating as it’s been to find a costume for Halloween that is transformative as it is flattering, the hunt for the right candy has also devolved into a grueling series of waiting, mind games, and having your heart go through a saga of heartbreaks and some serious beating. “Give your heart a break,” sings Demi Lovato but seriously, how can you when your mind’s constantly pumping it with emotional fuel? Ahhh… so really, the mind is the enemy. And what Demi really meant was, “Please, mind, stop thinking already. I need to gain back my sanity.”

It makes me look back on those days as children when our needs were more primal, and certainly less cerebral — when “getting some” meant crying it all out and eventually getting it. My nieces often cry for the silliest things, and because they are too cute for comfort, they end up coercing their mamita into getting them anything and everything they want. Enjoy your glory days, kids. It won’t be as simple when you grow up.

Now, everything from finding a Halloween costume and deciding on where to party or who to go with during Halloween, to finding a special someone, means having to subject yourself to palpable emotional (and financial) torment. Financial? Yes, dating also has a tendency to take a toll on your wallet.

But there is also the saying that fortune favors the brave. And Halloween, perhaps, is the best time to come out of your shell and put yourself out there. It’s not really so much about “slutting” it up. After all, you still have your pedigree and (since we’re on the subject of yesteryear) GMRC or “good morals and right conduct” to worry about. While the temporary high is no comparison with the permanent high of finding someone for keeps, the essence of Halloween is about reinvention, putting your best foot forward, and finding the right antidote to your self-inflicted misery — a.k.a. empowerment and enlightenment.

That’s the thing about Halloween. Even if it’s all about pretend, make believe, and putting on a front, it’s ultimately what’s underneath that will carry you through outside these so-called nocturnal events and points of inflection and into the light of day. Being eye candy may be your way in but it’s not the best way to stay in. In theatrical terms, what matters is character and not caricature — the moral fiber rather than the fiber optic, the reality over the fantasy, the real treat over the trick. Halloween may be emancipating, liberating but at the end of the day, it’s just another occasion and not worth losing your self over. So brace yourselves, kids. It’s going to be a rough and tumble. But in the meantime, have a happy and spankin’ Halloween!