What we've learned (from Comic-Con)

Jiggy Cruz at Comic-Con: “What time is it? It’s Adventure Time!“

Here’s a little wisdom(?) and not so damn good advice that we picked up from Comic-Con.

Prepare to walk and wait a lot. This is the only time you’ll ever have to strain your muscles for comics.

The convention hall’s length is bigger than SM Megamall. We are not joking.

Star Wars is more loved than Star Trek. Jar Jar Binks is hated more than Twilight.

Food wise, there is nothing but expensive pretzel and cookie vendors inside the convention floor. Still, you should see how geeks lineup for them. We’d say that it’s like taking candy from a baby for the vendors, but babies have more self-respect.

You will fight with your brother/buddy/partner at least once during the convention.

It will take you half a day to get to the panels you want to go to. You should know now that you won’t make it to all the panels you want to attend.

If you see something you really want and still have money for it, buy it! You might not get another chance at that Harrison Ford-signed Empire Strikes Back poster.

Even if you still have money for it, there is absolutely no reason to buy a life-sized My Little Pony pony doll.

All those rare comics you’ve always dreamed of having? You’ll find them at Comic-Con. Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #27, and Amazing Fantasy #15 are for sale at Comic-Con.

It’s always good to ask what people are lining up for. You’ll never know who’s there for a signing. Bonus points if you can ask the question to a really hot girl without stuttering.

Talk to the people you’re with in the line. It’s always cool to talk to fellow geeks plus they’ll share tips.

But don’t be that guy who wants everyone to be his friend. That’s just creepy.

Community fans are the best people to wait in line with.

Everybody loves Doctor Who, but not as much as they love Joss Whedon.

Robert Downey, Jr. is to grown men at Comic-Con as Justin Bieber is to 12-year-old girls at the Teen Choice Awards.

The Original Art area is just made of awesome. Prepare to drool.

Chad Michael Murray “writes” comics now. That will forever be the most depressing thing one man can see at Comic-Con.

Dwight Howard buying a Stormtrooper helmet will forever be the most amazing thing one man can see at Comic-Con.

What time is it? It’s Adventure Time!

US television networks will devote large booths to promote their new shows that will get cancelled in two months.

Apparently, no one really gives a sh*t about Kevin Smith anymore.

You will meet all the comics artists you ever wanted to meet at Comic-Con. They’ll even do a quick sketch for you if they like you.

You are not allowed to touch Stan Lee but Stan Lee is allowed to touch you.

There are fewer anime cosplayers in America. Is that a good thing? Depends on whom you’re talking to.

As much as we tease cosplayers, we do love taking our photos with them. Especially if they cosplay as Futurama’s Zap Brannigan!

Want to know which celebrities are no longer relevant? They’re the ones who’ll be selling their photos and autographs.

There is a lot of free sh*t you can get in Comic-Con.

Said free sh*t could eventually be sold on eBay for a lot of money.

George Lucas does not go to Comic-Con.

We still can’t believe we didn’t buy that Harrison Ford-signed Empire Strikes Back poster.

If you’re really looking for it, we’re pretty sure you can get your weird anime porn in some shady corners of Comic-Con. But please, keep your weird anime porn to yourselves.

If you see a guy who looks like the drummer of System of a Down selling comics, that’s because that is the drummer of System of a Down selling comics.

We still don’t know how Quark Henares gets to meet all those celebrities.

It’s really not a comic convention.

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This week’s column is based on Esquire magazine’s “What I’ve Learned” feature. We love it and you should too!