Fifty Shades of guilty pleasure

Grey’s Anatomy: Christian Grey wants you to know. Really.

MANILA, Philippines - When the Internet talks about it so much, it’s hard to ignore. And the odds are on curiosity’s favor, because many have picked up Fifty Shades of Grey — even Hollywood. But the reviews and the buzz are actually besides the point. People want to know more about the book, and therefore, buy it, because they can’t get a face-to-face synopsis. Your friend, if not of the candid persuasion, will just beat around the bush when you ask about it. Because talking about it means your friend is admitting he/she is reading soft porn.

But the thing is, it’s not your friend’s fault. It’s no literary feat — in fact, it reads like an indulgent high school girl’s essay — but it’s impossible to put down. EL James’ Fifty Shades of Grey is about Anastasia Steele, virgin undergrad with little regard for herself, and Christian Grey, dashing billionaire who does contractual sexual relationships. Somehow they find each other, and so begins the kinky e-mails, sexting and S&M. Fifty Shades started as a Twilight fanfic, and the similarity shows. Anastasia, like Bella, is too in awe of their main man’s exceptional beauty, and Christian, like Edward, is a control freak who can’t give his girl a break. So yes, it’s Twilight redux, minus the shimmering-under-the-sun vampires.

So where’s the appeal of Fifty Shades? The plot’s hardly believable, the prose so-so, the jargon inconsistent (lots of British slang when they’re supposedly American) — but why are people reading? There are enough half-assed trilogies on the bestseller list. Fifty Shades’ success, they say, comes mostly from the e-book sales — proof that suburban moms wouldn’t shy away from erotic fiction when they can read it on their Kindles. But it can’t be just the sex (though you’ll be happy to know there’s lots of it); it’s because it’s a twisted, really screwed-up fairy tale rehash, with real human beings involved. Handsome billionaire sweeps you off your feet — tell me you won’t swoon? Christian Grey has real issues, issues that have led him to a life of sub-dom contracts, but he finds his match in the sometimes-defiant Ana Steele. Cue Rihanna’s We Found Love.

As much as the spanking makes you squirm, you may start entertaining the idea of “What would I do if I was in her place?” once you read the book. Fifty Shades has a transitive quality to it because it’s a story of intense attraction and desire — what happens when you deprive or indulge yourself with the object of it. And we all know that never gets old.