13 rules of social media: How to make friends but not alienate people

MANILA, Philippines - I’m not what you would call a social person. I still don’t know how to get over my chronic shyness but what I have figured out is how to maneuver the tricky business of forming online friendships. It might seem simple, but there are thin lines that should not be crossed if you want to live in peace on the Internet. Here are some ways to minimize the drama and create an online presence most people will like.

Use the retweet sparingly. Don’t retweet every compliment you get. Instead, reply with a thank you, and move on. Gratitude and appreciation are attractive qualities, but obvious humblebragging is not.

Don’t retweet your replies. Unless it’s pertinent information, an answer to a Q&A session, or an announcement to be shared with everybody who follows you, I’m pretty sure that no one cares.

Don’t be a serial “re-follower.” There are tons of cool people online that you may think you’d really get along with, and if they just gave you a chance, they’d know in their hearts that you would be perfect friends. It doesn’t matter if it’s true. You still shouldn’t go through a cycle of chronic unfollowing and refollowing until they follow you back. Chances are, you will be noticed, but for all the wrong reasons.

Sometimes, follow backs must be earned. While people generally add each other back, others may be more selective. Don’t take it personally if you don’t get a follow back. If you have been unfollowed, it doesn’t mean you’ve been ousted as a Real Life Friend. They just probably needed a cleaner, less noisy feed.

Use your accounts to interact with people, and not just for promotion. Social media’s effectiveness hinges on the fact that it creates connection, regardless of whether it’s real or imagined. If you’re using your account to solely sell things or yourself, your audience will catch on and predictably lose interest.

The comment is the web’s currency. It’s what makes it go round. Engage in discussions or create posts that will generate them. You may be too shy to leave comments, but remember that these are usually appreciated, especially if they’re constructive and insightful. Leaving meaningful ones encourages the bloggers you actually like to keep making substantial content.

Don’t talk too much. If you’re starting to tweet every other thing that you do, stop! Erica Albright encapsulated this phenomenon perfectly in a biting line, scathingly delivered in The Social Network: “It didn’t stop you from writing it. As if every thought that tumbles through your head was so clever it would be a crime for it not to be shared.”

Aside from being potentially annoying, you are also enabling stalkers and placing yourself in possibly mortal peril. Discounting replies, a Daily Tweet Count of 10 is ideal. Unless you’re a Kardashian, no one really wants to know that you’re doing that thing you do.

Think before you tweet. The Internet thrives on short-form mediums. Twitter subsists on 140-character tweets and blog posts and infographics are easier to share than full-length articles. You can only say so much in a day before people stop listening to you. Make it count.

Watch the tone: Within a few retweets, more people can misconstrue what you say, so lock your entries or be your own lock. Watch what you say.

On the other hand, it’s also very easy to overshare on the Internet since “confessional literature” has been a strangely applauded genre in the online world. Think of the repercussions of these statements. Will it matter if they are still posted up in the next 10 days or years? Oversharing has a way of punching you in the face when you least expect it. Even though a comment, an update or a post has only been up for a short while, assume that someone has seen it or that it’s been cached by Google.

Again, from Albright: “The Internet’s not written in pencil; it’s written in ink.” Before you say anything, make sure it’s worth saying. Whenever possible, resist from contributing to existing online detritus and don’t make yourself look bad.

If you’re going to gossip or stalk, tread carefully. First, make sure you’re typing in the right box. Nothing is more embarrassing than a Direct Message sent as a tweet or the name of your stalkee appearing as your status update.

Once you’ve done this successfully, erase or minimize the paper trail that would lead the comments back to you. Remember that screenshots of your less-than-winning attitude may exist, so at all times, keep in mind what you say.

Memes and expressions have a short shelf life. You can tell you’re too late when you encounter that awkward moment when your #Winning! tweet is an Epic Fail. Don’t try to jump on the bandwagon when the horse is already pulling away. Nothing is sadder than a stale joke delivered with oblivious gusto.

#NoOnesSaidItOutLoudBut #NobodyLikes #UnnecessaryHashTags #AtLeastBeFunny

Hey girl, no one likes a B.H. (i.e. Bitter Hag). Don’t go raining on anyone’s parade. Stew in silence or sigh to your friends in private. People rarely side with the stirrer of sh*t. Besides, if you can’t even be a funny sour grape, best to not say anything at all.

Take part in things you really care about. A new kind of creature emerges every time an obscure world problem turns viral: the Armchair Activist. The Armchair Activist rides on trendy social issues without doing much except express concern for it — at least until it fades into collective unconsciousness again.

Instead, talk about things you actually like and interest you. It can be anything from Tupac Shakur’s hologram to good grub to the latest sartorial discovery to instigating real change in the world. You’ll get to meet people you actually like and you won’t even be trying too hard.

 Take a deep breath and walk away. From your screen, that is. The most frustrating thing that can happen online is people misunderstanding what you mean and taking things against you. You can defend yourself all you want, but feeding trolls will just create an endless stream of nobody getting along.

People always say “it’s just the Internet,” but we seem to forget that there’s a human face behind each of these screens and each of these comments. The best recourse is to just keep quiet and let it die down. Don’t let people’s comments get a rise out of you. Don’t fixate on the negativity, and just move on. You’ll feel all the better for it.