Young Star's handy, dandy guide to the 83rd Academy Awards

My friend Micah once found himself on a plane with Robert De Niro. In the middle of their conversation, Micah realized something: “Hey, why are you here? Isn’t it the Oscars?” Micah asked.

“F**k the Oscars,” De Niro answered.

I couldn’t have said it better.

I’ve had a love/hate relationsip with the Oscars for 17 years now, ever since they crushed my dreams by making Pulp Fiction, the movie that changed my life, lose to Forrest Gump. Every year they seem to nominate my favorite film of the year just to bait me into watching, into hoping, only to dash my dreams yet again with some stupid English period drama (The English Patient over Fargo?!?), some stupid American colonial period drama (Dances With Wolves over GoodFellas?! C’mahn!) or some stupid Titanic-set period drama (over both Good Will Hunting and LA Confidential?! Blasphemy!).

I’ve come to realize, then, that the Oscars are really about the face that Hollywood wants to present to the world. In a year of movies with massive budgets like The Matrix and Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, for example, they will choose to reward the small family black comedy American Beauty. The Departed is hardly Martin Scorsese’s most important film, but because he’s been snubbed for decades and yet is considered the greatest living director they’ll give the Oscar to him for this one. There’s also that tried and tested rule — if you want to win best actor, get a role with a mental or physical handicap (Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot) and if you want to win best actress, ugly yo’ self up (Nicole Kidman in The Hours, Charlize Theron in Monster, Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry).

This movie’s alright: Lezzie faire makes for good movie fare in The Kids Are All Right.

This year has been an extremely good year for the Academy. I actually like all of the nominees, though if you’ve followed this column you know that I feel very strongly about David Fincher and The Social Network and promise that there will be blood if neither of the two win. Here’s my guide to this year’s Oscar nominees, whether you’re thinking of checking them out or just want to sound like you’re in the know at the office. See you at the Oscars!

The King’s Speech (Toby Hooper)

A heartwarming tale of personal triumph over a psychological impairment, and a friendship that changed a nation. O diba. Summary pa lang alam mo Oscar-winning film na ‘to. I’m expecting The King’s Speech to win this year, mostly because it won the DGA and the PGA awards, and if you get those two, the Oscar is pretty much a sure thing. It’s also the sort of heartwarming fodder the Academy loves eating up.

When you win a Best Picture and Best Director Oscar you can pretty much do whatever you want as your next project. That’s why it’s perplexing that Danny Boyle, after winning both awards for Slumdog Millionaire, chose to do a movie about a guy who gets stuck in between rocks for 127 hours. He pulls it off, though, greatly due to the help of James Franco, who was actually able to keep my attention for two hours. Give the man an Oscar! Or give it to Colin Firth, which is what will probably happen.

Inception (Christopher Nolan)

You’ve seen this movie so I don’t really need to expound. It’s my second favorite movie of the year — fun and entertaining, and therefore will win nothing.

The Fighter (David O. Russell)

This movie took me by surprise. In fact, I’m about to commit cinematic blasphemy here by saying that The Fighter may actually be the best boxing movie ever. Yes, even more than Rocky or Raging Bull. It’s also one of the best-acted movies this year, with both Amy Adams and Melissa Leo giving genuinely affecting performances as the two most important women (wife and mother, respectively) in boxer Micky Ward’s life. Most importantly, this is Christian Bale’s best performance ever, and he deserves that Best Supporting Oscar for his turn as Micky’s older brother Dicky Ecklund.

Black Swan (Darren Aronofsky)

Riveting as it may be, I’ve always found Black Swan to be a bit confused. It doesn’t seem to know if it wants to be an art film or a cheap-thrills horror movie. At times it’s genuinely disturbing and mysterious, while in others it’s simply pure schlock. I think it was my STAR comrade Scott Garceau, however, who said that if the movie wasn’t so over the top it just wouldn’t be as much fun. Black Swan is Polanski Lite, and even though I’d prefer Annette Bening or Jennifer Lawrence as this year’s best actress, Natalie Portman is great in this film, and I think her time has finally come.

127 Hours (Danny Boyle)

Host with the most: Oscars host James Franco is also up for a golden statue care of the hard hours he put in 127 Hours.

True Grit (Joel and Ethan Coen)

A throwback to the good old Westerns of yesteryear, it’s still a thrill seeing the Coens’ signature surrealist realism style pop up once in a while. The film is beautifully shot, and after 11 nominations and zero wins it looks like the Academy will finally be recognizing cinematographer Roger Deakins for his work. The true find here, however, is part-Filipina first-timer Hailee Steinfeld, who steals the show from veterans Matt Damon and Jeff Bridges. I’m hoping she wins Best Supporting Actress for this, though the Supporting Actress category is the toughest one this year.

Toy Story 3 (Lee Unkrich)

One of the only films that made me grateful for 3D glasses, because they were able to hide my tears as they continuously flowed for the last 25 minutes of this movie. This film is a shoo-in for Best Animated Feature, but I really wouldn’t mind it winning Best Picture.

The Kids Are All Right (Lisa Cholodenko)

A comedy about a lesbian couple and their two kids who find their sperm donor father, this is a feel-good movie in all the right ways. It’s what happens when ‘90s American indie chick flicks grow up, and I found myself smiling and falling in love with the characters the whole way through. There’s this perfect Oscar clip where Annette Bening starts singing a Joni Mitchell song, and the mix of pain and effort while she does it is truly heartbreaking. She definitely won’t win, but that’s only because she already won with American Beauty. Perplexing how the Academy thinks, sometimes.

Winter’s Bone (Debra Graznik)

Unbelievably good; even too good for the Oscars. Props to you, Academy, for giving recognition. A gripping, relentless film about a 17-year-old girl trying to save her sick mother and two younger siblings from homelessness by hunting down her criminal father, Winter’s Bone always makes you feel like there’s something sinister lurking in the shadows. There is, and when it’s revealed, it’s much worse than you can imagine. Jennifer Lawrence is destined for greatness, and John Hawkes gives a very nuanced and pained performance worthy of the Supporting Actor nom.

Wish Bone: Winter’s Bone is “too good for the Oscars”, the author notes.

And, of course...

The Social Network (David Fincher)

I’ve seen this film four times already and I can’t wait to see it again. I don’t know why, really — when all is said and done it’s pretty much about nerds talking for two hours. It’s just that this film is so expertly put together — from the shots to the editing to the acting to the music, that it’s literally watching a master at work. It’s Wall Street done right; a modern Citizen Kane. It’s that rare film that perfectly describes where the world is at this moment, and I can think of no film more deserving of that gold statue.

Knowing my history with the award-giving body, though, they’ll probably give it to The King’s Speech. Stupid Oscars.