The letter heads
MANILA, Philippines - Mistakes are always made. The hardest learning, though, comes by way of not having been informed, warned or cautioned. And as our principal function here at Young Star has been not just to inform but to enlighten, we decided that our foremost resolution this year is to be better at this.
That’s right — if you had to go with one resolution this year, we here recommend: “Be better.” It should apply to everything, really. You could dress better, pay better attention to your schoolwork, love better, live better. And how better to become better than by soaking up some first-rate influence?
Consider this the beginning of many an issue — your issues, which our four advisors will tackle in this weekly help column of sorts. We’re calling them The Letter Heads: a Q&A team composed of Gang Badoy, Saab Magalona, Reggie Belmonte and Ramon Bautista, each plucking nuggets of wisdom from their respective scopes of know-how and dispensing them here in this section.
With her expertise on the external — that is, the cosmetics and style info she draws up on her top Tumblr blog and as an editor for Cosmopolitan Philippines — columnist Reggie Belmonte had to be our source on anything appearance-related. Just as commanding with her online connection is Saab Magalona, who’ll deal with this column’s E-intel (Net etiquette and enterprise) and, with such prolific parentage and being part of an eight-strong brood, talk family matters with a lot of heart.
Of course, answers to questions aren’t enough, as alt-educator Gang Badoy knows, adept as she’s been at inspiring action. Through volunteer group Rock Ed Philippines, Badoy’s gotten us to head-bang to social consciousness and, through Rock Ed’s make-love-the-right-way Safety Series events, has made safe sex sound good, as well. Moderating a whole lot of heartbeats with her mindfulness, Gang’ll break our cardiac queries down with her lessons in love.
Since life’s curricula is pretty diverse, we needed someone who did it all to turn out a general questions column. Getting us to laugh at life’s absurdities (if you ever caught Strangebrew in the past or heard him on the radio), filmmaker/professor/all-around rock-on-teur Ramon Bautista was the righteous guy to answer your most random questions about our strange existence.
Needless to say, we think we’ve got a query-good team over here. We know you’ve got a lot of questions and whether they’re of the smart-ass, stupid or shameful variety, we would damn well like to give you answers — especially in this public space, where this world of wonder can benefit. So whether you’d like to mail bond with Ramon, get beauty or blogging tips from Reggie and Saab, or give Gang some love (questions, please), all you have to do is ask.
Want to send our Letter Heads a question? E-mail ystar2.0@gmail.com with your question and who you’d like to direct it to. Or, if it’s short and snappy, tweet your question at @youngstarphils.
Saab Magalona
Q. My friend reveals too much online. A lot of her readers consider her a showoff. I’ve been hearing a lot of negative comments about her from our friends in school. What’s the best way for me to tell my friend that she’s offending a lot of people? — Tumblr addict
A: I started blogging when I was in high school and I remember how I made a fool of myself with the things I posted. I didn’t know any better, I always defended myself with the usual “It’s my blog I can post whatever I want!” The Internet is not safe from kids who just want a little bit of attention. I treated my blog as my therapist, over-sharing and not realizing that people I knew in real life would later on read the things I wrote. I became aware of this as I grew older, learning to choose what to publish and being mindful of others.
This doesn’t make me plastic/fake/not-true-to-myself; in some ways blogging is still therapeutic to me as it trains me to keep myself in check in real life as well. Whenever I catch myself being too quick to judge I ask myself why I think that and how there may be a view other than mine. I am not the only person in the world so what makes online life any different? If you are really this girl’s friend, you would be doing her a favor by telling the truth. The best way to tell her would be in private so you don’t embarrass her. Good luck!
Q. My brother and I have been fighting ever since I could remember, but it has gotten better as we get older. The problem is, we always bump into each other in various “gimikan” places and it gets really awkward. How do I get rid of this feeling? — JUNE X
A: I’ve got a lot of siblings and we used to fight a lot too. Not anymore, though. I think you’re right about how things naturally get better as you get older. When I fight with my siblings it usually ends with us not talking for about an hour and then the obviously wrong one (or if both are wrong, whoever’s younger) will say sorry. It’s usually awkward when saying sorry so we end up laughing about it. An isolated case would be my longest fight with my sister who I didn’t talk to for almost a year. I didn’t want to say sorry because I didn’t want her to think she was right but I eventually did because she’s my ate and no matter how right I believe I am, I should never disrespect her. She said sorry to me, too, admitting her mistakes. I think things can be dealt with in a calm manner. If you end up shouting at each other, take a break, and talk after things cool down. I say: just talk to your brother. Is it worth it pretending to ignore each other? Probably not — I absolutely love going out with my siblings! You don’t know what you’re missing.
Reggie Belmonte
Q. How can you achieve the perfect tan without having inconsistent shades or looking too orange? — CHUBBY CHEEKS
A: While I think the best tan is achieved by slathering on the SPF (lower SPF on the face than the body if your face doesn’t tan as quickly as the rest of you) and stepping out into the light, if you’re afraid of Mr. Sun (and you should be; those UV rays are no joke), it’s probably best to see a professional spray-tanner.
The orange cast of spray tans and self-tanner vary per person; the chemical components react in different ways for everyone. If you’re going to a pro, finding one you like might end up being a little trial-and-error. If you’re going the self-tanning route, it’s important to spot-test a product on a small, hidden part of your skin to see how it develops. If you find one that gives you a tan you can live with (meaning: one that doesn’t make you look like an Oompa Loompa. Or Snooki, God help us), then the next step is to prep your skin.
The key is to exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate. Tanner reacts to the topmost layers of your skin, so even it out by gently sloughing off as much dead skin as you can—that’s what causes the extra-dark patches. Do any shaving you need to do before you apply the product; shaving afterwards can cause unevenness.
Find yourself a room with good ventilation. Air conditioning is ideal. You don’t want to sweat while you’re working or waiting for the tanner to set; that causes streaks. Use gloves so that it doesn’t stain your palms. And get a friend to help you with your back!
Q. Is putting on thick makeup unattractive for guys? — GLambert
A: I’m kind of confused by this question. Are you asking if it’s weird if guys wear makeup? If it is, this might be my opinion, but I know a lot of people share it: thick, cakey makeup is unattractive on anyone, not just guys. Dudes aren’t really as pressured to look perfect as girls are, but if you think a little spot-correction (concealer) is necessary, then by all means, go for it! Foundation’s a little overkill, though.
Q. My girlfriend uses a certain kind of perfume that ticks me off. How do I tell her that her perfume sucks without hurting her feelings? — STINKY JOE
A: Has she been using it forever, or is it a new one? If it’s new, or at the very least, fairly recent, be smooth about it. Don’t diss the perfume; compliment it, or find something nice to say about it, but tell her that you preferred her old one. Bring up something sentimental if you have to. “Hey, have you been wearing new perfume lately? It’s pretty nice, but... is it weird if I tell you that I kind of miss the one you used to wear? It’s just... that was the smell I always associated with you kasi.” I’m sure you can think of something better! Good luck!
Gang Badoy
Q. I come from a well-off, Chinese family, but I’m having a sexual relationship with a Filipino guy who has no job. I’m about to leave for the US and found out that I’m pregnant. I’m going through with an abortion, otherwise, my family will disown me. Is there anything I should consider before doing so? — CHOW QUEEN
A: This is tricky. You see, I don’t believe in going through an abortion just as an “afterthought contraceptive.” Sorry, I may not have an answer for you. But if you’re willing to hear another option, I can tell you to take the consequences of your unsafe sexual relating and tell a trusted family member first. Go from there. You’re still not sure if your family will disown you; babies are known to disarm even the toughest of grandparents. If you still want to push through with the abortion for those reasons you mentioned in the letter, you may have to ask someone else for “what to consider before doing so.” I’m sorry. But consider my suggestion though.
Q. I’ve been seeing a guy for a while now and I’ve been getting signs that he likes me. The problem is, I don’t know if he’s gay or not. How do I approach him without hurting his feelings? — ALVIN CO
A: It depends on the signs he’s sending, I suppose. If he likes shopping with you, that’s vague; some guys can pretend to like it just to be with you. Gay friends really like the excitement of a mall hunt period. Wait — why are you even wondering if he’s gay or not? Here’s my test, if I can imagine myself changing my shirt in front of him (not in the langorous, stripper way, BTW) without being conscious, then there’s a chance my gut feel about him being gay is right. Otherwise, you may have to ask him straight out. I’ve done that before and I can lend you my patented line: “Hey ______, someone asked me if I was lesbian, how funny, no? By the way, are you gay?” It was hardly suave, but it worked. My friend said yes. I pretended I never liked him in a “guy way” and we’re still friends ‘til now.
Ramon Bautista
Q. How can I set up a successful blog? — CLUELESS.AKO.COM
A: There are many, many governing bodies of the worldwide web who determine if your blog is successful or not. Their barometers of success are very varied and if you want to make it to their successful list, you have to follow their awards guidelines. However, this is not very fun and would defeat the purpose of having a blog for emotional and intellectual satisfaction. I think you just keep posting and enjoy without regard for being a successful blog or not.
Q. How do I develop a good relationship with my driver so that I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want without him telling my parents about it? — MARTIN R.
A: You are sosyal for having a driver. There’s a driver-master relationship going on in your family but the driver’s master is your dad or mom or both your parents. Therefore, your driver is coerced by your parents to watch you so you won’t go drinking, going out with your evil friends or doing anything illegal. However, what’s greater than a master-driver relationship is a friendship. The driver will not be coerced but you will be engineering consent from him if he is your friend. Introduce him to your buddies and involve him in your dangerous yet fun-filled activities.
Q. I have a problem taking a crap and peeing in public bathrooms. How do I get rid of this fear? — HELPLESS MIA
A: This fear roots from two possible sources: 1) the social stigma of being caught taking a dump by your classmates back in grade school and high school; and 2) having a feeling of public toilets’ unsanitariness. Unfortunately, number 2 is an accepted fact in our country as this is a third world country and there are no resources to feed the people, let alone maintain a clean restroom. Fear of doing a number 2 because of number 1 however, can be cured with the help of top-notch psychologists, doctors, and the rising number of life coaches emerging in the country now. If you cannot afford these specialists, a bigger bladder is in order.
