Should I start dating again?

Dear Mai Mai, China

AND TINGTING, 

I’m 29 and had my heart broken when I was 24. I was with my boyfriend since college and we broke off after four years of being together. This was a real blow to me and it’s only now that I’m thinking of dating again. I don’t really know if I’m ready, but friends advise, tease and set me up with guys, so I finally decided to give it a go again. Until now, I don’t understand how my relationship with my ex ended the way it did, but I have not really figured out what I should do so it doesn’t happen again. Do you think I should date or wait until I have all the answers?

Nervous One

Go with the flow. I think you shouldn’t keep yourself from people just because of one failed relationship. As the song says, you should “pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.” Stop over thinking. Go on with your life. The problem with your past relationship is dependent on two people. You can’t blame it all on yourself. You can dwell over the past to evaluate your part of the mistake but you must also move forward. Be around friends who can comfort you. If you don’t, you’ll drown yourself in self-pity. You’re only 29 years old. Don’t waste your single blessedness in being miserable.

China

After five years, it’s obvious that you have not made peace with yourself. Did you not have closure? Were you able to talk to your ex-boyfriend in a civilized manner about the break-up? Five years is a long time and while I think you should go out and meet other people, I don’t think you should seriously seek out another partner until you feel you’re ready. You can’t be in another relationship and commit the same mistakes. You have to heal yourself completely to be ready for the next guy. Your friends mean well but only you can say if you’re prepared to do what they suggest.

Mai Mai

I suggest you go back to the land of the living but enter the dating scene with caution. Being around people will be healthy for you. You can’t live in the past and you should get to know other people. Having a good time with others isn’t a bad thing; just don’t hurry. Have a good time with different people. Tell your friends so they will support you by not pairing you with the same guy over and over. Go out with them but I don’t think you should commit yourself to anyone in particular until you have settled your inner worries. When the right person comes, you’ll know and no amount of hesitation will stop you into going into a new relationship. And who knows, this person might help you rebuild your confidence in yourself.

Tingting