Am I doomed to remain single forever?

Dear Maimai, China And Tingting,

I have been married once and we separated after three children. He was younger than me and was very immature. He was also a womanizer even though he couldn’t hold a stable job. It was just too much to take. After a year, I met this other guy who unfortunately got me pregnant and being younger than me (again), he didn’t want any part of the responsibility. And (again) we separated. Where can I find a guy who’s right for me? Will I ever find that person to love me? Am I doomed to remain single forever? I’m only 30! What do you think?     Charity

I think you should stop looking for Mr. Right. Instead, maybe you should just pull back, observe, get some perspective and if you really have to be in a relationship, know the person well before jumping into one. I believe in the saying, “Our fate is in our hands.” We have a hand in what our future will be through the choices we make. Be wise in making decisions. Remember, you are not deciding only for yourself. You now have children to consider and with what I hear from mothers, having children changes everything. They become a big factor in every decision, every relationship and every move they make. I know having a partner completes the equation but sometimes, having the wrong one destroys your whole well-being and your future as well.  China

I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. My advice is, don’t rush it. But I sense, first and foremost, that you should learn how to be comfortable being alone. One doesn’t need to have a partner to be happy. After all, you have four children. Have a relationship with them. If your previous mates don’t want the responsibility of bringing them up, take the cudgels and make sure the kids know you’re there for them and that not both parents failed them. Also, one doesn’t have to have a partner to be successful. Concentrate on whatever career you have. If you have a job, give it its proper attention. If you have hobbies, give it some time. Don’t jump from one failed relationship to another. It’s like making a mistake and then covering it up with another one. Stop punishing yourself. You don’t need a man to be happy nor successful. You just need to adjust your mindset and redirect your efforts.    Maimai

I think you shouldn’t be too eager to find another love. Instead, why don’t you let love find you? I know it sounds corny, but I believe your eagerness to be in a relationship gets you into trouble. Take it easy especially because you have not had luck in finding the right person. I think you should take a break from men and reassess your priorities. You mentioned you now have four children. Focus your efforts on them. Unfortunately, we stop being the center of the universe as soon as we become mothers. You brought four children into the world. Spend time with them. Also, if you can do it, please go back to school. Allow yourself to grow. Get a college degree or, if you already have one, get a master’s degree or a doctorate for that matter. Grow for yourself and for your children. When you have achieved a certain degree of success, believe me, you’ll look back at these guys who left you and success will be much sweeter.  Tingting