The Roger Federer Fan support group: Therapy session

Congratulations to Rafael Nadal, who was in awesome form as he captured his first hard-court grand slam in Melbourne. He truly is the world’s number one.

Now on to our subject.

You are in pain. You expected Roger Federer to wipe out the memory of a mediocre 2008 (only one grand slam title, not the three per year you were used to — which you still complained about because, by all rights, it should’ve been four every year) by walloping his archrival in the Australian Open final and matching Pete Sampras’s record of 14 slams. Instead you watched The Fed serving badly, spraying forehands, shanking backhands, netting volleys, dumping balls into the net, and generally Not Being Federer.

Where is your cat-like Roger who knew where the ball was going even before the ball did? Where is your balletic Roger who seemed to spend more time in the air than on the ground? Who is this leaden doppelganger? How could he lose?

Don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault. You could not have rooted for him harder, lit more candles, or concentrated more on psychically pushing the ball over the net. He did not lose because you got up to raid the fridge during the third set, or forgot to wear your lucky shirt. He’s holding the racquet; you’re just a spectator.

Don’t make excuses. Yes, it was very hot and humid in Melbourne, but his opponent was playing under the same conditions. His opponent was more tired than he was, having had to survive a five-set marathon with Verdasco in the semis. His rhythm may have been disrupted when Nadal called for the trainer in the third set, but these things happen in the course of a match. Besides, he’s supposed to concentrate. Federer had many chances, lots of break points he couldn’t convert. His opponent won fair and square.

Ignore the gloating of the anti-Federer faction. The only person with gloating rights is Rafa, and he is too nice. (Your life would be easier if he were a jerk; then you could hate him.) Search your memory: Did you not gloat when the Fed was routinely thrashing everyone? You accepted his victories as if they were your own. Now suck up the losses. What are you, a fair weather fan?

Don’t read the sports analysts. It’s their job to oversimplify and make dramatic statements (viz. “Federer’s pursuit of the Greatest Of All Time title dashed in the Melbourne heat,” etc). They’re not disloyal fans, they’re not even supposed to be fans. Just doing their jobs.

Repeat after me: You are not Roger Federer. You are (fill in this blank with your name). Don’t take it personally.

It could be transference. Consider the possibility that you are obsessing over the Fed’s record in order to make up for the gaping holes in your own life. For example: “I can’t hold down a job, but Roger just won the US Open so I can forget that crummy job.” No matter how you look at it, there is no connection between these two. Now that the Fed no longer wins 98 percent of the time, you have no choice but to face the aforementioned holes. Get a life: yours, not Federer’s.

You know that expression, “Be a man”? Accept the defeat with equanimity. It’s painful, but it should not ruin your week. Be a man. Come to think of it, it’s easier to “Be a man” if you’re a girl. All you have to do is to not blubber, weep or get emotional, and you will be admired for your cool. It’s harder for guys, they have to pretend not to care.

If it makes you feel better, say “Better Nadal than Djokovic.” Or Murray, Roddick, or whoever you consider less worthy. Nadal spent four years quietly waiting in the wings to take over the number one spot — he deserves it. He did not make bombastic announcements like “The king is dead,” then complain that the dust on the court was giving him asthma and quit in mid-match. (Djokovic’s health issues may be real, but his habit of abandoning big matches is not sporting. You’re supposed to crawl wheezing into the court if you have to; don’t deny your opponent his victory.)

Think of it this way: Oddly enough, Federer is an underachiever. He’s seldom been pushed to his limits. Time and again, he’s evaded crises through talent and luck. He didn’t have to fight; possibly he doesn’t like it. Rare occasions when he really had to do battle: Wimbledon ‘07, which he won; Wimbledon ‘08, which he lost. In those lost French Opens he seemed oddly detached, as if he’d decided that he couldn’t win. Remember the air of resignation after that awful shellacking at Roland Garros.

Mentally, the Fed is quite fragile which makes his record more amazing.

“Fragile” is a word that never applies to Nadal, who doesn’t know how to quit. Now Rafa is a classic overachiever: he never stops working. He chases down every ball so you need to win each point thrice. He is The Terminator.

Finally, this is consolation only for lovers of the game, not scoreboard-keepers. Federer may be the most elegant player to take up the racquet, and I don’t mean the white blazer and slacks ensemble or the public appearances with Anna Wintour. When he’s on, he plays with the precision and beauty of a mathematical proof. He makes tennis look like ballet. And part of the reason it’s beautiful is because it won’t last. Time will take its toll. Be glad you were around to witness it, because when it goes, it’s gone forever.

Hopefully not before his 15th slam. Or his 19th.

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