She’s not a team player

Dear Mai-Mai, China and Tingting,

I play for a women’s volleyball team in our school and we’ve been moderately successful. Like all teams, we have a star player in ours. She has a pretty face, she’s popular with the boys and a really strong spiker — but she’s not a team player. She misses team practices and when she does come, she’s almost always late. She ignores plays dictated by the coach and takes many unnecessary risky spikes. I think we would win more games if she was a team player. Some of the girls in the team want to talk to her but the others are afraid to lose her because she is a good player. What do you think?   - No. 18

Dear No. 18,

Volleyball is a team sport and you are right. As long as there is one member not in sync with the others, the team won’t work well. Your team is going to competitions improperly equipped. Yes, your team may have the correct number of people but its performance is only half as good as it should be because you’re not united. One person is all it takes to split the team apart. As you said, right now, some say she’s necessary to the team in spite of her attitude. Others already disagree. This split is hurting the team’s performance and spirits and a team meeting is in order. I suggest that your team coach and team manager sit down to settle differences you can’t settle among yourselves. Remember that the meeting isn’t meant to hurt her feelings. It is to let her know how her behavior affects the team and to get a commitment from her for the good of the team. If she refuses to change, then maybe she isn’t as committed as the rest are. Maybe an expulsion is necessary. It might be difficult at first, but it will be harder if you keep her on unchallenged because the team’s effort will be useless.         China

Did you talk to your coach yet? What does he/she feel about this one girl? I think it is your coach’s job to talk to the player and enforce the rules. If the girl isn’t attending practices, it is incumbent upon the coach to impose the proper penalty. If she does not follow plays, then at the very least, she should be benched. It’s okay that you want to talk to her yourself. After all, you are a team. The downside of this is that she might think you are ganging up on her and animosity among peers is more likely to happen. If the coach, who is supposed to be more respected, calls her to a meeting, she might listen especially if she realizes what her actions are doing to the team.     Mai-Mai

I don’t follow sports that much but I am very familiar with what team effort can do. The essence of teamwork is practically in every facet of our daily lives. It’s the basic unit of society and families, where the mother and the father play specific roles for the family to succeed. It’s in your school, where individuals from the janitor to the principal have their own part. It’s in government, from the president to the senators, congressmen, soldiers to the clerk in your city hall to the metro aide sweeping our streets. All have their own special responsibilities to keep our country running. There is much chaos if the team doesn’t see eye to eye. The team doesn’t seem to move forward if a part of it doesn’t work to the team’s standard. It’s a safe assumption that this is what’s happening to your team. You’re not seeing eye to eye and one is not working well with the team. If there’s one thing that I learned, it’s that no one is indispensable. I think that someone should talk to her, if not someone from the team, then someone she respects. Do not be afraid to lose her. She might be a good player but the team might be better off with someone else who will be willing to work as a team member and not be a diva. For all you know, she’s doing this because she thinks she’s indispensable. Don’t give her that. Being in a team is character building. You’re teaching her a few things as much as you’re learning them yourselves.                          Tingting