How do I deal with my teenagers?
February 9, 2007 | 12:00am
Dear Mai-Mai, China and Tingting,
I’m a single parent of two teenagers, a 14-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son. I can say hands-down that it was much easier when they were younger, when they seemed to be more attentive and obedient. Is it just me, or do kids get a different persona when they reach their teen years? I tell them to fix their rooms and I get ignored. I ask them to help out in the house and it doesn’t happen. Worst is the bickering. They fight about everything and it drives me crazy. I am so drained from work and figuring my children out. Help me. What’s happening? Is this normal or have I raised them the wrong way? If I did wrong, how can I remedy this? How can I get through to my teenagers?n Desperada
I have no children so I can’t answer your other questions. What I have experience in is being a teenager. When I was one, I remember that my friends and I used to talk about our parents, too. We had many things in common, one of which was we didn’t respond well to threats. We preferred it when our parents talked to us calmly rather than shouting and ordering us around. We liked it when our parents sweet-talked us into doing something or spoke to us like we were equals. And we loved it when we were bribed  or should I say "given incentives"? I don’t know how long it’s been since you were in your teenage years, but I think what you could do is remember how it was with you then. CHINA
Having two disobedient, quarrelling teenagers can’t be the basis of how you are doing as a mother. Don’t put yourself down because parents all over have been faced with these same problems for ages. Teenage years are those when different issues like peer pressure start to show. It’s the year when they develop a social life of their own. They start resenting those who dare to overpower them  be it their parents, teachers or siblings. It’s also the time when they have the delusion that they know best. Don’t give up. In fact, this is the time that they need your support the most. While you shouldn’t forget to assert your authority as a mother, you have to know how to balance it out so that they can feel comfortable coming to you for support when needed. MAI MAI
If you compare notes with other mothers, you’ll realize that it’s really a phase. When they hit the adolescence years, children undergo not only physical changes, but mental, social and emotional shifts as well. It’s the age when they are figuring out who they are. Children of this age will try to assert their independence and they will challenge your authority. It’s now up to you to balance their need for space while stressing who is in charge. For starters, I suggest you sit them both down. If they want to be treated as adults, they should act as adults. Talk to them, acknowledging that these are the difficult years and that you will go through them together. Open lines of communication so they can come to you when they need you. At the same time, emphasize the need for them to conform to your rules as you teach them some of your life skills. Stress the importance of family and let them know how you feel about their bickering. Be honest with them. Let them know how "drained" you are and that you need their help. Just remember that the worst you can do is start blaming yourself. Don’t show fear because your children will feel that and pressure you more. TINGTING
I’m a single parent of two teenagers, a 14-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son. I can say hands-down that it was much easier when they were younger, when they seemed to be more attentive and obedient. Is it just me, or do kids get a different persona when they reach their teen years? I tell them to fix their rooms and I get ignored. I ask them to help out in the house and it doesn’t happen. Worst is the bickering. They fight about everything and it drives me crazy. I am so drained from work and figuring my children out. Help me. What’s happening? Is this normal or have I raised them the wrong way? If I did wrong, how can I remedy this? How can I get through to my teenagers?n Desperada
I have no children so I can’t answer your other questions. What I have experience in is being a teenager. When I was one, I remember that my friends and I used to talk about our parents, too. We had many things in common, one of which was we didn’t respond well to threats. We preferred it when our parents talked to us calmly rather than shouting and ordering us around. We liked it when our parents sweet-talked us into doing something or spoke to us like we were equals. And we loved it when we were bribed  or should I say "given incentives"? I don’t know how long it’s been since you were in your teenage years, but I think what you could do is remember how it was with you then. CHINA
Having two disobedient, quarrelling teenagers can’t be the basis of how you are doing as a mother. Don’t put yourself down because parents all over have been faced with these same problems for ages. Teenage years are those when different issues like peer pressure start to show. It’s the year when they develop a social life of their own. They start resenting those who dare to overpower them  be it their parents, teachers or siblings. It’s also the time when they have the delusion that they know best. Don’t give up. In fact, this is the time that they need your support the most. While you shouldn’t forget to assert your authority as a mother, you have to know how to balance it out so that they can feel comfortable coming to you for support when needed. MAI MAI
If you compare notes with other mothers, you’ll realize that it’s really a phase. When they hit the adolescence years, children undergo not only physical changes, but mental, social and emotional shifts as well. It’s the age when they are figuring out who they are. Children of this age will try to assert their independence and they will challenge your authority. It’s now up to you to balance their need for space while stressing who is in charge. For starters, I suggest you sit them both down. If they want to be treated as adults, they should act as adults. Talk to them, acknowledging that these are the difficult years and that you will go through them together. Open lines of communication so they can come to you when they need you. At the same time, emphasize the need for them to conform to your rules as you teach them some of your life skills. Stress the importance of family and let them know how you feel about their bickering. Be honest with them. Let them know how "drained" you are and that you need their help. Just remember that the worst you can do is start blaming yourself. Don’t show fear because your children will feel that and pressure you more. TINGTING
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