Hail the glass teat

Someone once remarked, "One who believes in nothing starts to accept everything." I don’t remember exactly who but I bet that person had cable television. Forget all debate on the existence of God – that’ll lead us towards a bloody end. Rather, the gospel of mass entertainment – in particular TV – is the part of our daily habits, superseding any dogma that doesn’t transmit agreeably via cathode ray. And – notwithstanding blasphemy – the best shows are godless. (Even the news – with all of its footage of Saddam Hussein’s execution and other disturbing images of violence and slaughter. Despite all of the religious rhetoric or injustice, the many reports of the killing of journalists both here and abroad can’t be seen to make much sense in any other light.) Ultimately, entertainment is existentialist.

(Honestly, who would watch scholarly and earn-estly made films like The Nativity over admittedly dubious pseudo-historical fluff like The Da Vinci Code? Certainly not me. I’d only be interested if Mel Gibson were directing.)

We’ve been told repeatedly that images of violence and sex corrupt the viewer. Although my watching of pornography is moderate (but respectable), I’ll admit to having a predilection for gore and extreme imagery. The more disrespectable, the more over-the-top, the better. Just this past week, I’ve popped in the DVD player pirated copies of Cannibal Holocaust, Nekromantik and some Dario Argento, skipping to the tasty parts just to get my fix. I abhor the TV show CSI because the vertiginous visual style makes it hard to discern any details on the bodies; on the other hand, I try to catch the police/crime segments on the local news whenever I can. That is always fascinating. As opposed to Jerry Bruckheimer’s big budgets and NYU film school talents, all you really need to get compelling television is a strong stomach.

Actually, the only Shakespeare that I really like nowadays – and not just say that I do – is Macbeth. But I’d rather watch the Roman Polanski film version than Akira Kurosawa’s. (I wouldn’t even bother watching a stage version.)

How can I watch such depravity and not be depraved myself? The answer is the quote above. I don’t believe any of it but I accept it. If I may be so bold, nothing you see, hear or read is true. There might be some truth in it but not one gives you the whole picture. While I’m writing this, there’s a short promo about the popular violinist Vanessa Mae and her extraordinary story. There’s no mention of her talent for playing the violin – but by the way it’s presented it’s seems likely that she’s quite good. But no, she’s awful. Try listening to her taking on Paganini on one of her albums and tell me that I’m wrong. However, I accept that she is a celebrity – but really, exactly what is that?

When I watch violence, I accept it as part of a show – even if it’s real. There must be some thought given to the ratings whenever they edit news footage. I’m perfectly willing to accept that. But I don’t believe that what I’m seeing is anywhere near what actually transpired. Again, how can I? It’s TV.

However, I’ll admit that this attitude serves as a defense mechanism, a filter. I think everybody should adopt it. Of course, the best thing would be to stop watching – but I can’t and don’t want to.

TV is important – as vital to modern man as reading a book. During my interview with Lizza Nakpil, she said she watches ads mostly, not shows. According to the Rivermaya manager, she can feel the pulse and sudden shifts of the times by watching those commercials. If one wants to know what people are thinking, it’s the most sensitive and accurate barometer of the current social climate. That’s wisdom they never teach us in textbooks.

But put that aside, and you still have something that couldn’t have worked in any other medium: The Tyra Banks Show. I watch that every day if I can. It is in accord with one of my long-held beliefs about TV: it’s like junk food – it’s best when it’s bad for you.

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Again, Mythbusters – one of my favorite shows on the Discovery Channel – airs new episodes every Thursday at 9 p.m. Episodes encore on Friday at 5 a.m., Saturday at 12 midnight, Sunday at 6 p.m., and the following Thursday at 8 a.m. and 2 p.m.

For our contest, here are some interesting proposals for Jamie and Adam to take on:

"Can you really choke on your own vomit?" – submitted by Fred Santos, musician.

"Is it possible to have your head spin around like Linda Blair (in The Exorcist)?" – submitted by Von Ng, painter/businessman.

"Does hair really grow on your palms if you abuse yourself too much?" – submitted by Jason Tan.