Pop goes the World: The top 20 songs of 1986
July 28, 2006 | 12:00am
Mainly it’s the hair. When one looks back to 1986 (the year our paper was born), one inevitably conjures images of mullets, hard-to-hold hair seemingly sprayed with industrial-strength formaldehyde, and hairdo-so absurdly fluffy a flock of seagulls could live in it. So we ran, we ran so far away… The clothes were as atrocious. So was most of the music. Some might say that the ’80s altogether was the Rodney Dangerfield of pop: it will never get respect. Sure, the decade had icons like cross-dressing Boy George (what does the Church of the Poison Mind mean?) and that moon-walking, llama-loving pop star who built Neverland, but it also boasted that charming man who made music out of melancholy and created records that saved our lives. Don’t forget the singer of Joy(less) Division, who hanged himself in his kitchen, tearing himself away from loved ones and a gig in America. What about Robert Smith who made you think of hanging gardens and spider-men in one moment, and in the next of being in love on a Friday?
(In our own neck of the woods, The Dawn was formed in 1986, released its eponymous debut album, and provided an alternative to the OPM schmaltz lording it over local FM radio.)
Ah, the ’80s. On the one hand you had Morrissey and Ian Curtis, on the other hand you had Modern Talking and Wang Chung. That pretty much sums up the schizophrenic decade filled with Brother Louies and Tarzan boys. Now, let us walk the proverbial memory lane (as if there’s an expressway inside our heads), go back to an era of acid-washed jeans and Aqua Net, examine the top 20 hits of 1986, and sing altogether now, "We built this city on rock ’n’ roll."
And damn those electronic drums.
1) Addicted To Love – Robert Palmer
All I can remember about it is the video. The late Robert Palmer in a snazzy suit backed up by identical lovely ladies (who are all probably named "Dolly") trying to "play" instruments.
2) Danger Zone – Kenny Loggins
With Jim Messina of Poco and as a solo artist, Kenny Loggins recorded great pop tunes (such as Danny’s Song and The House on Pooh Corner). But this theme song to the Top Gun flick was an atrocity. Heck, even Bryan Adams turned it down.
3) Stuck With You –Huey Lewis & The News
This song is so catchy it sticks to your consciousness like a leech. By the way, the main character, Patrick Bateman, in Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho, loves the band.
4) Sara – Starship
Grace Slick and the rest of Jefferson Airplane created surrealistic pillows of words and music in the ’60s. The better to feed our heads with, I suppose. But all great bands (the Rolling Stones, Yes, Genesis, even Jimmy Page and Robert Plant) have their dreadful ’80s phase. This is the lowest of the low for Slick and Jefferson Airplane/Starship/whatever. Except maybe Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now from the movie Mannequin.
5) Venus – Bananarama
Do you believe this trio once sang, "Robert De Niro’s waiting, talking Italian…"?
6) When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Gets Going – Billy Ocean
The going got tough, so off he went.
7) Burning Heart – Survivor
The same bunch that brought you Eye of the Tiger. Enough said.
8) Kyrie – Mr. Mister
Not a bad song, actually. Great message, too. Admit it, you too find Broken Wings charming.
9) Walk Like An Egyptian – The Bangles
The Bangles were so huge in the ’80s. I once saw two high school girls crying their eyes out while listening to Eternal Flame. Fame for The Bangles, unfortunately, was not at all eternal for Susanna Hoffs and company.
10) Bizarre Love Triangle –New Order
Great dance track. Not New Order’s best song (a distinction that belongs to either Leave Me Alone or Regret), but it was one of its most popular.
11) Glory Of Love – Peter Cetera
Tonight is very clear, as we’re both lying here… Even the Karate Kid had a mushy side. Peter Cetera was responsible for most of Chicago’s immortal tunes (25 or 6 to 4 and the brilliant Beach Boys-inspired Wishing You Were Here). When Cetera left Chicago, the band traveled the same road to schmaltz with Look Away.
12) Rock Me Amadeus – Falco
I didn’t know Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart rocked. Beethoven, yes. But Mozart?
13) Sledgehammer – Peter Gabriel
One of the weirdest singers in all of rock: Peter Gabriel dressed up onstage as a flower, Britannia, and as "The Slipperman." He also invented stage-diving, and broke a couple of bones in the process. The video for Sledgehammer features dancing headless chickens. Gabriel also sang Don’t Give Up with Kate Bush and In Your Eyes – and showed something wonderful behind the weirdness.
14) You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
Gave rock ’n’ roll a bad name.
15) Lady In Red – Chris de Burgh
The fretless bass is awesome. As for the lyrics… uh… uh… didn’t I tell you the fretless bass is awesome?
16) Dancing on the Ceiling – Lionel Richie
How the hell do you dance on the ceiling? And what does "say you, say me, say it together naturally" mean, anyway?
17) Invisible Touch – Genesis
The band was responsible for the epic, existential, progressive, monumental "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" album. And then Phil Collins took over. But I kind of admit to listening and liking this song… now… after the fact. When no one’s eavesdropping.
18) Notorious – Duran Duran
Duran Duran fans are called Duranees. What do you call Spandau Ballet fans? Ah, there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy...
19) Holding Back the Years – Simply Red
Mick Hucknall sang this track accompanied by a lone acoustic guitar. Things were great then. Until Stars came along. I hope you comprehend…
20) How Will I Know – Whitney Houston
Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans with Bobby Brown.
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