Is the third time the charm?

Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,

I had a boyfriend who has given me so much happiness but because he also gave me so much pain, I decided to break up with him six months ago. After a month, he said he wanted a reconciliation and was going to change, so I gave him another chance. But, he didn’t and I broke off with him again after just two months. Last week, he called me begging for a third chance. I know I’ll have more heartache from him but I cannot forget the good times we’ve had. I love him, so I tell myself maybe the third time’s the charm. My conscience is debating with my heart. Good sense says no but emotions say yes. What should I do? Help.

Sincerely Confused

I think you should not rush into making a decision. As the saying goes, haste makes waste. Do the pros and cons list. Getting back with him would mean more of the good times. He might have changed and everyone deserves another chance. On the other hand, staying with him could be prolonging your agony. Ultimately, the decision is yours alone. If you believe that your instinct is right in saying that you should just leave this relationship, then it would be wise to listen to your gut feeling. You’re probably so traumatized with how he has treated you that your mind is doing the resisting for you. Maybe you should go ahead and start moving on. Just don’t rush. Let him sweat. If he patiently waits for you, then maybe he deserves that third chance.

China

You’ve already had a reconciliation and it obviously didn’t work the first time. What makes you think this one is any different? Did you talk about it seriously and settle the issues that made you break up in the first place? If you have, then why do you think your "good sense" still says no? And, how much hurt do you think you can take? The "good sense" is your instinct and it’s telling you something. I don’t think you should ignore and push it aside. I also see you’re trying to justify the desire to reconcile with him. You rationalize it with "is third time the charm?" My final question would be, are you willing to risk it to find out? Remember, your happiness is in your own hands, not in someone else’s.

Mai-Mai

Good sense comes from your head, emotions from the heart. I think that when the head doesn’t agree with the heart, the good sense takes precedence. After all, isn’t your head above your heart? Follow the natural order of things. Bite the bullet and start forgetting him. If you give him this third chance, you allow him to manipulate you. He knows you love him and he is using this edge to get what he wants. You’re getting into an ugly cycle of breaking up and making up. Soon, you’ll lose your credibility. I’m not saying that he’s not capable of changing. He can and he probably has. But what is more important is that part of you is standing firm. Listen to that small voice inside your head. It’s not churning your stomach for nothing.

Tingting

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