So you wanna be a suit guy

Clooney and Pitt both look dapper as hell. They’re suit guys. Diddy and Kanye work it out. They’re suit guys, too. In between setups, our uncannily precocious model, wearing Louis Claparols, turns to me and says, "I look like Tim Yap." Yep buddy, you do; but that’s a good thing. Yap’s a suit guy, apparently you are, too.

If you’ve found yourself saying that the barong is your preferred mode of dress, because it’s so light and breezy, odds are you’re not a suit guy. And if you claim that piña brings out your exotic Filipino looks, you may very well be a barong guy. I, myself, make my living wearing gusot mayamans every day, but hey, even Rizal wore suits, bowler hat and all.

All I’m saying is – consider your options. Throw on a nice jacket, put on some clean trousers, but skip the tie. You’re not that much of a suit guy just yet.

Here, gentlemen, is the erstwhile barong guy’s guide to being a suit guy:

1. You have to wear a formal suit to a formal occasion.

Listen, I don’t care who you are, you don’t wear True Religions to a wedding, or to any similarly important occasion. Be respectful enough to read the invite, or at least ask, and then be respectful enough to dress accordingly.

Bear in mind, however, that "black tie optional" doesn’t have to mean borrowing your daddy’s suit.

Randy Ortiz (0917-8126953) for example, will have you looking all nice and spiffy, assuring you that no one will be calling you daddy (unless that’s your thing, of course). Mr. Ortiz, largely held as the tailor for men’s suits, makes them by the book – the crisp, clean book that is. He lent us a blue-black number that had half of us saying "It’s blue!" and the other half… well, you get what I’m saying. Unmistakably masculine, cut slim and with that not-quite-but-almost-there Rat Pack sheen, this is what you wear to your best friend’s wedding. Throw on the pink shirt (now who says only Jude Law can wear pink?), but be sure to display some cuff – Mr. Ortiz took great care with flower detail – might as well show off, which might prove a problem, seeing as his jacket’s stitching, giving off that handmade look, might catch everyone’s attention first.

It goes without saying that bespoke (that’s custom made to you) beats off-the-rack, any day and twice on wedding day. Vents, no vents, American or English or Italian shoulder, tapered pants? These are all a matter of preference, of course. I’d suggest meeting with your tailor and discussing your options.

In any case, be gracious enough to not hog all the attention. A wedding is a woman’s most special day; you wouldn’t want to make it all about Mr. Ortiz, would you?

2. Black is not a color.

Seriously, it isn’t. It’s the absence of color.

Smart-ass science lesson aside, black is not necessarily a color for weddings (although acceptable for funerals and evenings). Most cultures (i.e., Chinese) frown upon black. As in, you show up at their gig in a black-suit, white-shirt black-tie combo, and you will see frowns.

Beatles-style show band performance, definite yes. Pulp Fiction Jules or Vince audition, double yes. The So-Go nuptials, nope.

3. So bust out them colors!

Fine, blue is a color, and a safe one at that. Navy, and for that matter, gray, have always been classic.

Thing is, classic can be boring. Periwinkle blue, now that’s a color. Military gray, now that’s a color. Take those and throw in some Joey Samson (0918-9592541) modern styling, then you have something, well, else.

Mr. Samson, for one, took that old school ‘70s blue (think Michael Kelso and what he’d wear prom night), preppied it up with a sweater over a tux shirt, and voila! Worn with a chain, it’s retro kitschy cool, perfect for that office dress-up party, where your look will trump everyone else’s rockin’ lame-ass gear Travolta-style.

And then there’s Mr. Samson’s gray number. Part matador-esque with the ruffling of his cropped bolero-style throw over, part hard-ass officer with his jacket’s shoulder detail, this look will trump anyone wearing anything else (assuming, of course, that you’re not at a tux-only affair).

If you really wanna trump everyone at the party, find a pretty girl feeling cold, and offer her your Joey Samson jacket. For that matter, find any reason to take your jacket off. The tripped-out lining only adds to the modern edge.

4. If you’ve got the balls, razor thin is in.

When GQ hailed Hedi Slimane one of its Men of the Year, the fine gents lauded his sharp suits, which you may be familiar with if you’re a fan of Beck or the Killers or Franz Ferdinand.

Let me break it down for you. There’s Alfie skinny, and then there’s rock-star skinny. Louis Claparols ( 530-9811) falls into the latter category.

Worn impeccably rumpled, the dirtier the better, over your most decadent tee, the one unfastenable strap thrown precariously over the lapels only adds to Mr. Claparols’ inmates-running-the-asylum lunacy. I mean, you’ve got to be crazy to wear your stuff that tight. (Old joke: What’s the similarity between a cheap hotel and tight pants? They both got no ballroom.)

Wear this and you’ll find yourself equally at home at that crazy party where everyone’s bound to jump drunk into the pool.