Lovelier the second time?

Dear Mai-Mai, China and Tingting,

I know the letters you receive are mostly from teens and young adults. I hope you’ll consider mine for a change. I am a widow working for the government. I’ve been a widow for 11 years. I have two kids ages 16 and 14 years old. Lately, the desire to remarry has been on my mind. The problem is I have advanced scoliosis. The doctor has advised that I undergo an operation but it’s way too expensive. I was blessed to have found my first husband. Do you think there’s a second chance for me to find someone who will love me in spite of the circumstances I am in? – DC Libra

Of course there’s a chance. Being a widow, having children and having an illness shouldn’t be the end for you. You too have to find your own happiness and I’m sure that if you go around in the right social circles, you will find someone who will love you for who you are. – China

A resounding "Yes." There is a chance you will find someone in spite of your circumstances. I think however that you should follow the doctor’s advice and have your operation. I advice you to do some research on the benefits that are due you. There are also good government hospitals that you can go to, so the cost of the operation won’t be too high. Take care of yourself first so that when you do find that someone, you’ll have long, happy years together. – Mai-Mai

If remarrying is already on the agenda, could it be because you already have a prospect? If I am right, I think full disclosure should be your next step. This means that you should talk to him about your worries. Tell him you have children and let him know about your illness. When he is informed and if he stays on, then, you’ve found a real good prospect. However, if he starts being scarce, then it means he’s not ready to be a partner. But don’t let him discourage you. If fate has it that you find someone to marry again, then it will happen. In the meantime, I think you should consider having the operation. It will be good for you and your children because it will lead you to a more productive life. – Tingting

Am I My Brother’s Keeper?

Dear Mai-Mai, China and Tingting,

Hi! My problem is the unfair distribution of tasks in our house. I am the youngest of four children, with a 23-year-old elder brother and two sisters. I notice that while my two sisters have their own chores, my older brother has none. I point this out to my parents but they say we must not compare nor complain. In the few times my brother helps in the chores, he doesn’t do them properly. Please help me. – Bee

Being the youngest, I know what you mean. I am also "preferred" to do things for my parents even if my older sisters are available. I think parents have specific assignments for their children. Since they know us more than anybody else, I think they know our weaknesses and our strengths. Maybe, your brother’s strength is on something else and this is why your parents don’t compel him to do chores. As for me, I look at my chores as training for when I become independent. Maybe you should, too. – China

What do your sisters say? Do they complain too? If they do, then maybe the three of you should talk to your brother. However, if they don’t complain, maybe they know something you don’t…or maybe they understand the situation more that you do. Ask them for advice but leave your parents out of this. I think this is a small problem that siblings can settle. – Mai-Mai

Your first mistake is thinking you can change a person. While your intentions are pure, I’m afraid that your brother has to be the one to realize that he’s not doing chores like the other siblings. Remember that there is the age factor. You being younger than him will prove to be a disadvantage for you. Second, his age. If at 23, he has not been required to do chores, starting now would be quite difficult. This said, you must consider that your parents might be relying on him on other matters. For example, unknown to you, he must be watching out for your welfare, your safety or security, or other such things. Sometimes, things don’t seem as they appear so I think you must trust your parent’s judgment on this. – Tingting