Whatever blows your

Twisted ideas can go a long, long way. Just ask Chris Pontius and Steve-O of Wildboyz who have the predilection for using boa constrictors as accessories and going under an elephant’s golden showers. Just ask David Blaine or any dolt who agrees to be encased in a block of ice or buried alive for a period of time. Just ask the seven finalists of the "Philips-MTV Whatever Things NY Passport" contest, which recently had its regional finals in Singapore. A challenging stunt, indeed, is like a mental Everest: You conquer it and you end up conquering yourself.

Philips Consumer Electronics recently invited journalists (accompanied by PCE consumer and trade marketing manager Maritess Songco) to cover the Whatever Things bash at Double O in Singapore, featuring the wild and wooly members of the notorious Aiya Gang as well as the seven individuals who tapped into their own inner psychos and submitted psychotic stunts for the Aiya Gang to perform. The finalists were Reginald Jukes Jr. (Philippines), Fahrani Hasanah Empel (Indonesia), Di Zhen (China), Christopher Chapin Vongsrisart (Thailand), Nur Azlina Yusoff (Singapore), Ami Shroff (India), and Alexis Constance Danker (Malaysia).

Here’s a bit of a background:

Philips launched the third season of Whatever Things (said to be inspired by freestyle, funky spirit of Philips mobiles and MP3 portables) with the promise of more celebrity appearances, goofier gags, and one far-out contest: Viewers are asked to submit stunt ideas to the Aiya Gang, and anyone who comes up with the funkiest, the most creative and mind-blowing entry goes to New York (with a friend), hang out at MTV’s Times Square studio, and watch one of the shows. Also, the winner gets to co-host a show on MTV Asia with Edison Chen, billed as "Hong Kong’s Crown Prince of Cool." Of course, the winner is going to the Big Apple carrying the latest Philip mobile phone and MP3 gadget.

"For three years, because of our partnership with MTV, we have a stronger affinity with the youth segment," Songco said. "For us, the contest is an expression of one’s identity – real people doing real things with Philips products."

But the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first stunt.

Hard to come up with a really kick-ass idea, considering that wicked things have been known to happen in the Philips-MTV Whatever Things show shot all over Asia. Really, really wicked things. Oh, the atrocities.

First, meet the crew: Actor and Whatever Things host Edison Chen once posed as a statue of himself in Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. One of the testimonies about Edison states: "No one removes or sells his underwear in broad daylight better than Edison Chen." Shenaz is an Indian lady who provides poise to "the mayhem of the pointless pranksters." Josh Lee once wore a firecracker hat. David "Mad Dog" Ismalone is known for his "incomprehensible English and merciless violence." Jack Lando has a collection of freshwater clams and loves to eat Ajax. Min the "Pain Guy" is usually seen indulging in "corporate lunch freebies or in a headlock." Arm once breakdanced inside a cage full of cobras. Oil the Arab worked as the limo driver on the gang’s "helter-skelter pilgrimage to Marrakech." Potsy is the resident fatso who once posed as a blind guy with a seeing-eye chicken in an episode dubbed "Potsy and His Big Black Cock."

(By the way, Potsy used to be a chef. Hmm, makes me wonder what ghastly, unspeakable things he put on the food.)

All of them once swam in a pool of water buffalo poop. One time, they got arrested in Singapore when Lando ran around Orchard Road wearing a pink G-string. All of them live in one riotous Aiya house in Bangkok, Thailand. A nunnery it is not.

In January of last year, Philips organized the hunt for the person who could outdo the members of the Aiya Gang. The contest was about executing one’s own bizarre stunt. In the finals, Jose Miguel "Macky" Lim from the Philippines won over his counterparts from Singapore, Malaysia, etc. by agreeing to let his balls get hit with a baseball bat. I guess who walks around these days with a high-pitched voice. Like Josh Groban.

This year, the trick was to conceptualize a warped or wacky idea and let the experts from the Aiya Gang do all the nasty work. Eight thousand entries came from all over the region. (We Asians are as batty as anyone in the galaxy.) And at the Double O bash in Singapore, each of the seven finalists’ stunts was presented in one nutty skit after another.

The stunt idea of Christopher from Thailand was for a guy (in this case, Potsy) to undergo a grueling hair removal session and then perform in a strip club – blue tassels, butt-floss lingerie, and all. Potsy gyrated like the Britney Spears of Sea World. Herman Melville’s Captain Ahab would’ve chased him with a harpoon.

Ami from India thought to herself what if the Aiya Gang went shoplifting. Shenaz wore a long overcoat and stuffed herself silly with convenience store items. A cop even showed up and unwittingly played a bit role in the Candid Camera from hell.

The stunt idea of Fahrani from Indonesia involved stinky feet. Potsy prepared a putrid brew of fish sauce, pickle, mustard, mackerel, fermented durian and other rotten concoctions, and then wiped them on the feet of a model, who goes shopping for shoes. "I don’t think the smell is going to go away," she complained. What ensues was nasal bedlam. The salesladies complained of the hellish smell – a dab of Satan’s perfume.

Di Zhen from China made the boys of Aiya (Potsy, Josh and another unlucky fellow) chew betel nuts, which reportedly makes people crazy. They took lessons from some ancient betel-chewers with pink stains on their teeth, and then proceeded to chew betel nuts. After "12 hours," they turned into "betel maniacs," laughing and goofing off uncontrollably.

The stunt idea of Reginald from the Philippines involved a trolley, a truck, and one stupid daredevil. In this case, Arm. He ended up banging into parked cars and repeatedly hitting the pavement. Arm muttered to the brains behind the stunt, "I hope you’re happy."

Nur from Singapore thought of a stupid sport: blindfolded hurdle-jumping. The result? Spills, tumbles, and bruises. Obviously, no one won the gold.

The stunt idea of 17-year-old underground music lover Alexis from Malaysia (which eventually won grand prize) involved two men in drag. She called the skit "Dressed for Success." Imagine two of the Aiya Gang members (Mad Dog as "Maria" and Josh as "Stephanie," or is it the other way around?) put on provocative dresses, high heels and loads of makeup, and then go picking up men in a seedy district in Bangkok with hilarious results. Two victims fled in sheer horror (as if they saw Beelzebub in see-through lingerie and stilettos). One guy even crawled away from the cross-dressing horrors. Another prey wanted to go home with the boys but his "husband" was at home. Even Mad Dog was revolted.

Whatever Gets You Through The Night

It’s alright, according to Jacob Mense, the leader of the Aiya Gang. The boys call him J’Nake.

"Or they just call me ‘Boss’," said Mense with a chuckle. He adds that one of the most outrageous stunts they did this year was breakdancing with cobras in a snake farm. In Hong Kong, they got party balloons, filled them with helium, and then sent one of the guys skyward. "We do things that we all wanted to do when we were children," he shared.

"My job is to tell the Aiya Gang every time they give me ideas for stunts, ‘No, no… too much… too outrageous…’ – because they might be (culturally-offensive)," explained Fiona Wong, MTV senior VP for creative & content. "So I am the one who usually (nixes) the ideas."

"She’s like a mom, basically (laughs)," said Mense. "Some of the ideas are too outrageous to put on TV. They might end up on a DVD."

The boys and the show inspired by Philips have, indeed, come a long way. As for this year’s Philips contest, it is more interactive, more empowering for the viewers. Mense explained, "The whole (thrust) of letting viewers submit ideas and allowing the gang to actually shoot them for the show is cool. It allows us to get us closer to them."

He added that they want to make them feel they have an influence on the show.

"It’s all about freedom of expression," shared Mishal Varma, MTV senior VP for programming, music and talent. "I think the more you attach yourself to the show the more confidence you get to express that freedom. You get more responses from viewers, more willingness to participate. In the end, the viewers identify with the show more."

Whatever Things has morphed into a program that allows the viewers an opportunity to fully express themselves.

"It’s all about personal expression," concluded Winston Phua, Philips marketing director. "And that’s what Philips and MTV are all about."

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The 2005 Club Dredd Mock Awards will be held today, 9 p.m., at Gweilos Eastwood featuring Citric Maple, Ciudad, Datu’s Tribe and special performances by Razorback, Betrayed, Papadom and Romeo Lee.

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For comments, suggestions, curses and invocations, e-mail iganja_ys@yahoo.com.