Confused state of MY religion

Europe adventure, week two. Time is moving so much faster than I’d expected. My stay in Italy has been glorious. We spent a wonder-filled three days in Venice, a land where time stands still and which offers a refreshing break from reality. We visited Siena and Lucca, sweet visions of various shades of pink and red. It’s so amazing how one town can be so close in proximity yet look so different from another. But besides insights learned from history lessons and field trips, as I stroll into one church after another, I find myself in the midst of an awakening of a different sort. A discovery of what faith means. I begin to question my growing up in a Catholic country.

Standing in front of the majestic Basilica of San Marco in Venice, I frantically scribble away on my notebook. Beside a multitude of pigeons and tourists, I struggle at a simple attempt to put into words what is on my mind after being half amazed, half appalled at seeing first-hand all the riches and treasures accumulated by the Catholic Church throughout the centuries.

What is it exactly –

This notion we all grew up on

What is it exactly?

This which compels me to make the sign of the Cross

What is it exactly?

This which makes us eat the Body and drink the Blood of Christ

For in theory

Doesn’t it all seem,

Ridiculous, mundane and time ill-spent?

Is it –

A calling and devotion

An innocent child’s bedtime stories

Perceptions in the holy a reflection of the Maker

Wisdom passed through the ages

Faith in the unknown

A voice giving inner strength

Man’s craving for meaning

His quest for life ever after?

Is it –

Tradition enforced, structure imposed

Stiff rules of morality

A rewriting of history

A falling down the treacherous path to oblivion?

Is it –

A vision of beauty giving hope

Certainty in a world of doubt

The rainbow shining after the rain

The steady current of calm water

Inspiration and brilliance that man seeks?

Just as

A singer finds his voice

A writer finds his images

A painter finds his words

Or is it –

Monstrous lavishness and corruption

Grotesque creatures and customs

Martyrs tortured for a lost causes

Ignorants hopelessly clinging to ideals

Eagles swooping down on their prey

The poor resting on misconstrued contentment?

Is it myth or truth?

Is it love itself; love manifested?

And if so, what of Buddha, what of Allah?

Confusion.

To which many an answer have been raised

To which many a kind soul have offered solace.

Should we

Mortals made of flesh

Seek to know

Seek to find the light?

I close my eyes

Outwardly an image of silence and contemplation

Inwardly a fiery rage of turmoil

Thoughts swirl on my mind

Those of joy, compassion, pain and pity

Those of Life

And slowly

I begin to imagine

A world without religion

That notion so fleeting and indescribable.

I shudder

Fall to my knees

And pray

And hope

That whoever it is out there…

Whoever…

Answers my call.

I continue to believe.

And echo the Pilgrim’s Theme.

* * *

More on the trip to Venice later. For more comments or suggestions, e-mail me at stephaniecoyiuto@yahoo.com.