Wondering about destiny in Vienna

The Belmontes visited the Hapsburg Museum in Vienna, and gazed upon the Spear Destiny. Our guide this time turned out to be a real dirty old man. He was really funny, kept cracking jokes left and right, and couldn’t seem to stop flirting with our tour guide, Judy. He was about 70 years old, with snow-white hair and false teeth. I asked him if he drove a convertible, but he looked offended and said he took public transportation. Someone asked him how many children he had, to which he replied, "Legitimate or illegitimate?" You can probably tell what kind of person he is by now. Thus, the Belmontes entered the Hapsburg Museum amid great laughter and merriment. There were about a million-and-one tabards, dresses, and cloaks of the Hapsburg rulers. A few interesting swords, every now and then, but mostly clothes. Dozens of paintings, too. I especially liked certain paintings of Maria Theresa, one when she was 18, and another after she bore 16 children.

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Mikey and Ethan got bored, and started horsing around in the museum. They attempted to make the other fall down by poking him in the back of his knees when he wasn’t paying attention. Kirby, Ethan’s younger brother, thought it looked fun and started karate kicking them in the back of their knees. Ethan actually fell down. The two older boys decided that revenge was the best option, so they ganged up on him and repeatedly forced him to the floor. Kirby was pikon. He decided to kick me in the back of my knees for no apparent reason. I didn’t like it, since I almost fell onto a fragment of the True Cross. Damn kids, I thought as I rubbed my knees. Later on, when we were walking into a crowd, he purposely attempted to trip me. I tried to ignore him, but I couldn’t get that wicked smirk out of my head. Finally, when he took the seat Ethan and Mikey reserved for me, I forcibly pulled him off and sat down. During lunch, his mother had a long discussion with the three of us on how we were so much bigger than him, we shouldn’t be bullies because being a bully is bad, and that we should give in and let the little bugger be a devilish fiend for the rest of his earthly life. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The highlight of the museum, I think, was the Spear of Destiny, or the Spear Longinus. This spear was the one used by the centurion Longinus to pierce the side of Christ when he was nailed to the cross. Throughout history, all who possessed the spear came into power and stayed there until the spear was lost to them. Some of the rulers include Charlemagne, the Hapsburgs, and Adolf Hitler. As a young man, Hitler supposedly gazed at the spear while it was on display at what is now the Hapsburg Museum and saw a vision telling him what his life’s work was. From this moment on, he knew that he had to do quite a few things: obtain the spear, establish a supreme Aryan race, dominate the entire world, and cook up Jews in several vile and nasty ways. Once he got his hands on it, he rolled into power and invaded Poland. At the end of the war, Hitler committed suicide within 90 minutes of the spear being taken by the American troops. I’ve got to hand the credit for this information to my father, who was severely disappointed that he had no such vision after seeing the spear. Better luck next time at total world domination, I guess. Lunchtime came with a healthy side-dish of reprimands topped with sermons. It would have been more appropriate for Kirby’s mom to stand on top of a mountain and preach to the world instead of preaching to us. Kirby was just a little kid who wants to be like his kuyas and hang out with them, and we should change our stony-hearted ways and accept him for what he is, if we were to believe what she said. Yeah, I accept him for what he is. Just a little kid who kicks his kuya, trips him up, and wants to hang out with a pair of geeky cousins who can’t appreciate art at its finest.

Day 9

The Belmontes had a field day in the shopping area of Venice.

I wrote about Day 8 already last week, so here we are at Day 9. Today, everyone went shopping, including our tour guide. Mikey, Ethan, and I wandered about the streets of Venice, wondering which items would be good pasalubong. They both ended up spending their cash on several fake soccer jerseys. I, however, opted to hold on to my cash and wait to get back to Manila to buy some fake basketball jerseys. Just for the heck of it, I managed to convince Mikey that his favorite soccer player, Henry, was secretly a cross-dresser. He didn’t seem to mind that fact the Henry was gay, though. He said he didn’t care about the freak when he was off the field, only his soccer abilities mattered. He continued to wear his Henry jersey, albeit with a jacket over it, until I told him I was kidding. I can still remember the blank look on his face, followed by the realization that I was pulling his leg, and lastly a look of anger and embarrassment and something else which told me to get far away from the range of his legs. Mikey, for your information, is ranked a high-brown in taekwondo and used to be on the La Salle varsity team until he got tired of the whole thing and quit. Later on, Ethan and I discovered an Internet cafe which charged 6.5 euro for 30 minutes. At the time, we thought it was a gift from God himself because all the other ones we had seen were much more expensive than that. To our dismay, the connection was slow, the computers were low-tech, and there were no games whatsoever. You could only surf and check your e-mail. Pathetic, isn’t it? We only realized afterwards that we paid P455 for 30 minutes of wasted time. Sa Internet cafes, panalo pa rin ang Pilipinas! Ito talaga ang gusto ko sa bansa na ito! Sorry, I sort of got overwhelmed by a severe bout of patriotism. I get that sometimes.