Letters from mom’s heart

My mom loves writing little notes. It’s her trademark to write short, friendly letters to her business colleagues when she sends them packages or cheerful cards along with gifts for her friends. Sometimes, I even find our inside jokes on the list of bilins she leaves for me, which helps because I feel less lazy having to complete her list. It’s a simple yet great way of adding her personal touch to life’s little routines. I’ve seen the results; people truly respond well to my mother!

It’s amazing how strong the impact of a short, sincere, and handwritten letter has on people. In this age of Post-Its, group texting, e-mail, and Yahoo Messenger, you hardly see handwritten letters anymore. Most people just choose the more convenient way of communicating. True, technology does make communication a lot easier, but it takes away the personal touch of a message. My mom’s notes inspire me to take a little extra effort in addressing letters personally and adding personal comments and anecdotes. I know people will feel a lot more special that way.

I love getting cards and letters from my mother because I know she wouldn’t scribble down just any clichés on the card. When I turned 15 and I babbled all about the quinceñera, the coming-of-age for 15-year-old girls in certain countries, she made sure to include that in her card. When she gave me the book Griffin and Sabine, her birthday card encouraged me to read the book and continue writing letters. She even picks special celestial cards for me because she knows I love celestial things. Other times she gives me interesting articles she had just read and writes a simple message on the bottom. I treasure and keep all of these things, even more than the birthday gifts and shopping surprises she gives me. It’s such a joy for me to dig through my letter box and find her old letters. With each one, particular memories always flood through me and I end up laughing, smiling, and remembering how much I love my Mom.

I came upon this letter that another mother addressed to her daughter and it reminded me so much of my own letter-happy mother. This letter, however, was written 25 years ago by Teresita Oca-Kosca to her oldest daughter Peachie, who kept the letter in her treasure box. Mrs. Oca-Kosca is an active member of the Christian Family Movement, and as my lola was an active member before, I know this is an inspiring group grounded on faith and values. On Mother’s Day of 2002, when Peachie was 38, the age when her own mother wrote her the treasured letter, she wrote back. Both letters speak of growing up, letting go, learning, living, and loving. It is a touching reflection of the powerful bond between mother and daughter. This Mother’s Day, I would like to share the two beautiful letters with you. I would also like to dedicate them to my mother, who has always been one of my best friends and whose letters I also treasure in my own box. Love you Mom!

* * *

21 June 1977

My dearest daughter Peachie,

Tomorrow will be your 13th birthday, your last birthday as a child and your first as an adolescent. I know I cannot give you all the wonderful little luxuries that every girl dreams of. You know we are not rich. But we are not poor either so there will come a "scheduled" time when all your little wishes will come true. I have nothing to give you except this letter which I hope you will keep, for I am writing this not only for your today but for your tomorrows most of all.

Even now as I recall your strong, assertive cry 13 years ago, in that little hospital in Sta. Ana, tears come into my eyes. For this baby that was mine all her life will now begin to belong to others. You are now beginning to look and act like a woman and I am happy to behold a big part of my life’s work.

This summer vacation, I feel that I have grown very close to you. We have become great friends. Maybe it is because the woman that is slowly blossoming in you has reached out to the woman in me. And they have met and saw each other, perhaps for the first time. It was a happy reunion, one that I will cherish as long as I live.

Now you are still "Mommy this" and "Mommy that" – the child in you still refusing to let go. But I foresee the day when I will be slowly eased into the background. You will be making your own decisions and forming your own opinions. You will want to be you – your own self – no longer Mommy’s little girl, but a good little lady with a mind of her own. All these, I will anticipate with joy and perhaps a little pain at the thought of you growing away from us. But then, it is what must be because you are an entirely different person with your own life to live. It is a soothing thought to know that we have done our best to give the values that you need to be strong to say no graciously and mean it, and say yes and be able to take the consequences; to be upright; and to be mature enough to cope well with any situation your life may bring you. You may want to share your life with others – with male and female friends, your community and perhaps someday, your sweetheart and finally your own family. The loving relationship that you see between Daddy and me is not entirely without fault but it is geared towards giving you an example of how love should be – imperfect because it is human and yet perfect because it never alters or decreases in intensity no matter what the adverse situations it faces. I will be happy to see that you know the true meaning of sharing and of loving. It’s only then we can be assured that we have not lived our lives for you in vain – that somehow we have opened your eyes to the true meaning and beauty of this God-given life.

The world we live in is so complicated and competitive that’s why I want you to be strong. And yet your strength would be your weakness if you do not turn to God for his friendship. Enthrone Him in your heart as we enthroned the Sacred Heart in our home. Daddy and I will be behind you to rejoice in your joy or to kiss away a tear.

This letter, my darling daughter, may be too deep for you to understand now, but keep it, please. And on your next birthday, and the next, read it again and I am sure you will be able to see deeper into the many things I am trying to say.

I pray someday, you too, will be able to write your daughter a letter like this.

Happy Birthday!

Your loving Mom

* * *

10 May 2002

My dearest mom,

After 25 years, I finally have the opportune time to reply to a letter you once wrote to me …. Allow me to say, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart ….

• For teaching me honesty, acceptance, patience. I know how a mother would want to give everything a child would ever need or want, but you were true and honest enough to tell us that not everything in life is free and easy. But in God’s time, all our little wishes will come true. And mom, it did. Thank you.

• For allowing me to grow to be my own person. I want you to be proud of the woman that I have become. I am now a wife, a mother of two lovely kids, a successful professional, a mentor, a friend. At this point in my life, I may belong to so many other people, but I want you to be proud of the fact that a big part of the me that belong to others came from you. And in spite of everything I have become, I want you to know that I am still Mommy’s little girl. There are times when I am still "Mommy this" and "Mommy that" – yes, the child in me is still refusing to let go – because you, my Mom, have become the anchor in my life. I did not "grow away" from you, I have grown with you. I do make my own decisions and form my own opinions and in whatever situation life takes me, I am me – the me that you have helped hone and I want you to know that I am very happy with the me that I have become. Thank you.

• For teaching me self-respect and commanding respect from others. For teaching me how to be strong in saying yes or no, and meaning it, and accepting whatever the consequence may be. I have lived by this value since the day you taught me. I have learned that it’s not in merely being righteous, but in being responsible and accountable for the decisions we take in life. Thank you.

• For teaching me the true meaning of love. As you very well know, my relationship now is not entirely without fault, it is in fact imperfect because it is so human and yet perfect because, in spite of everything, it has never altered or decreased in intensity no matter what the adverse situation it faced. It may not have become exactly what a little girl would wish for but I know there is a "scheduled" time for everything. I am no superwoman, but the strength, the maturity, the love, the respect, the faith that you and Dad have taught me has made me the better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend that I should be. And I know, you and Dad have always been there to rejoice in my joys or to kiss away a tear. Thank you.

• For directly enthroning Christ in my heart as you have enthroned the Sacred Heart in our home. I know I cannot thank you enough for introducing Him to me – the greatest friend I could ever have. I have made Him the center of my everyday life as I have always ensured that in each day, I shall never do unto others what I do not want others to do unto me.

Mom, it has been 25 years since you wrote me the letter. I want you to know that I did not only keep it, rather, I have become every single word in it. A few years from now, I shall be writing my own letter to Nico and later to Kaila.

I pray someday, Nico and Kaila will be able to write their sons/daughters a letter like this.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Your loving daughter