Sink or swim

Not all women are created equal. Some are blessed with bodies that look like something out of a Mattel factory while others have to make do with a great personality. (Not that we mind – personally, we go for the latter who tend to be funnier and bitchier.)

But these are the injustices of life. No matter what optical illusion they apply with ruffles or vertical stripes, some people just cannot don a two-piece. For those hot and buff enough to prance about the beach in a tiny two-piece worthy of Revenge of the Nerds, we congratulate you.

We’d also like to introduce you to one of U Rustan’s latest lines, U Swim. Dedicated to beach-lovers with an eye for style – those blindingly bright floral tankinis do not make you look thinner, child – the lines’ suits were inspired by the ethnic boho trend, which means lots of native accents. "I used a lot of beads, shells and studs," says Hindy Tantoco, U designer. "I also used crochet and space-dyed knits ala Missoni."

The result is a sultry set of suits that look smashingly expensive, like an heiress just off the yacht or a Mischa Barton-type – except not annoying – lounging at the south of France or something equally pretentious sounding. With prices between P795 to P1,495, we can’t help but think the price-fixers must’ve been a little drunk when they started tagging the suits. But that makes us love these amazingly affordable suits all the more. Lush fabrics and cool cuts give this line high marks. And the cool red Missoni-inspired bikini in a retro cut looks paparazzi-worthy.

Picking the suit is one thing, finding the appropriate cover-up is another. We’ve seen buff babes wrap themselves in shapeless muumuus in an attempt to look chic. All we can say is, "Oh dear." Segue into the night in a cute wrap that cinches at the waist but leaves a shoulder beguilingly bare like Kate Torralba’s frisky green floral piece or go classic with the new Chloe-inspired shorts by ABU that come in crisp white, casual khaki and dressed-up black. It’s a steal at P695 with its long lean silhouette that makes even casual shorts look ladylike.