Leap of faith

December marks the end of the year and the culmination of many of our plans; January signals new beginnings and hope. The months in between are exactly that – in-between periods of waiting and working that at times seem to pale in significance compared to the flurry of activity during the holiday season. This is how it has always been, and how it will always be. For most everyone, that is. Students are in a special way exempt from this course.

It has been said that the best years of one’s life are those spent in school. I hope this isn’t true, for if it is, then the best years of my life are, for the most part, over. But it is true that schools often act as shields or fortresses, steadfastly protecting their own from the dangers and insecurities of the outside world. As students’ lives naturally revolve around school, a shift in their end-of-year perception occurs. The new year comes when summer begins.

Summers are magical periods of fun and relaxation, true. But more than the trips to the beach and catching up with old friends, they are also a time for introspection. Be it new notebooks, uniforms, classmates, teachers, courses, or even new schools – summer breathes new life into each student and gives each one the opportunity for a fresh start the following year. As for the fresh graduate, a whole new world opens. And when this does, it is often as confusing as it is thrilling.

It’s been almost a year since the day I handed in my last exam and ran around campus shouting for joy like a madman. It was euphoria for weeks on end. But when time came for me to decide on which path to take, reality came crashing down and I began to long for the days when everything was safe and sure, and when choice and responsibility were words which meanings I had yet to understand. This was when it hit me. Though I had thought otherwise, I wasn’t really prepared for change.

On my resume, I had then written that I was "flexible and adaptive to changes as required to balance a demanding schedule of academic and extracurricular activities." I wanted to cross this out and call all those I had submitted this to, for who was I kidding? I was still scared of what was out there. Flexibility and adaptability were probably not the best words to capture me in entirety. Thus it was in no way easy for me to make the decision, which led to my being in a foreign place.

Today, as I watch and listen to the ramblings of the soon-to-be graduates, I can’t help but smile at how familiar it all sounds. When friends ask me how I eventually made my decision, I can give no comprehensible answer except for, "it was a leap of faith." And possibly, the gradual realization that the old adage that "man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" holds more truth than given credit for.

Whether it’s finding a new job, falling in love, making a new friend, saying sorry to an old one, or changing an aspect of one’s character – today or at the turning point of one’s life, an action that involves the possibility of being hurt is never easy to make. But for us to grow, discover, and reach the fulfillment of our dreams, it is never enough to stay forever as we are today. And it is ironic that after all these years of having a slight aversion to television, I get this wisdom from watching high-school boy Ephram Brown on the Warner Bros.’ Show surprisingly wise-beyond-its-years show Everwood.

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"The more things change, the more they stay the same." I’m not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don’t think I’m alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it’s kind of everyone’s flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still...It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected...Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn’t seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You’re not a drug addict. You’re not killing anyone...Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don’t think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we’re like this different person. I think it’s smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn’t even notice unless they look at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever...that you’ll never have to change again."

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For more comments or suggestions, e-mail me at stephaniecoyiuto@yahoo.com.