Your sartorial tribulations solved

Picking The Nose

It seems to me like every guy smells the same. I understand how difficult it is for a man to choose a scent – me included – that’s why we just grab the most popular one. But I’d like to be a cut above the rest, without smelling like a relic from the disco era. Help!

Not Vanilla

Why does every guy smell the same? Two words – Drakkar Noir. I’ve never been a big fan of scents. The mere thought of standing around in a department store and smelling one after the other like some twit is a bit too much for me. Although I’ll admit I do use one particular scent and that’s Bvlgari Green Tea. And believe me, I rarely use it. So much so that I think it’s turned into wine by now.

But I do understand the need to smell great. Because women in general love a nice-smelling man (or so I’m told). But what if you’ve inherited your Dad’s ghastly taste in cologne? It’s a well-known fact that women are very particular about scents and are easily turned off if you smell like their Tito Chuchi. And cologne isn’t exactly cheap these days either. So what do you do then? How do you smell great without having to smell like every Tom, Dick and Jhoboy out there?

I recommend that you use shower gels instead. Why? It’s something that I accidentally stumbled into. I noticed that my girlfriend kept smelling my neck and asking what I was using and I told her it was probably my shower gel. To this day, she hasn’t stopped hugging me and giving me every conceivable shower gel she can get her hands on. Besides, who these days wants to smell like rich spices, sandalwood, leather, moss and clove? Your Tito Chuchi, that’s who.

Scott

Yes, there was a time I seriously thought EDSA smelled like Polo Sport despite the dense fog of pollution. I agree that finding a scent can be a daunting task.

Women often get lost as well and surrender to baby cologne, which arouses perverted ideas in many Lolita-loving men’s minds... ewww. The first thing you have to do is to know what you want. Does the scent of musk, cinnamon, or vanilla make you belch? Then you are not a spice man but a green kind of guy. Lighter scents are very much in vogue right now and for good reason. It doesn’t choke the living daylights out of your wife, unless, of course, asphyxiation is your purpose. One thing you have to realize about scents is that it’s like dating someone else’s honey. It can work out beautifully or it can go down the toilet way before you flush it.

What I’m saying is your chemistry will determine how a scent works for you. So while it may smell swell on a buddy, it can bloom like blue cheese on you.

The best way to gather up potential candidates is to determine which scents have the notes (the scents of essential oils) that you prefer in common. Whether you prefer spicy, fruity or green, you will need to test them on your wrist and mull it over for at least an hour as the fragrance develops with your body chemistry. Common sense tells you to do this one scent at a time. If you don’t have time to drop by the fragrance bar until you find "the one," ask for samples of fragrances that you think might work and try them one at a time. Once you do find that scent, you will be likely to commit to it with the absence of any cold feet.

Zelda

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Undercover Cop

I’m a man with basically good skin. However, my eyebags bother me. I look like a crackhead even if I do sleep well at night and lead a relatively healthy lifestyle. My question is: Can I use a concealer without judgement? This whole queer eye thing tells me it’s ok but I just want to make sure and not be the resident tranny in my office.

Robert Downey Jr.

Ok, so your eyebags bother you. Let me tell you about eyebags, my friend. I have so much bags under my eyes, it already feels like luggage. As a matter of fact, it makes me look more interesting at work. Suddenly, loose women in my office thought that I partied too much last night and started asking what my plans were after work. Of course, all this was due to overtime, lack of sleep and too much internet surfing. But enough about me, let’s talk about you.

As far as I’m concerned, the only form of cosmetics a man should have is lipbalm. The rest you should keep to yourself. That being said, will people judge you if you wear concealer? I’m afraid so, you sissy Mary. But I’m assuming that if you’re wearing a concealer, your officemates won’t know you’re wearing it, right? So the problem is when to buy it. Because God knows who might just see you at the beauty counter.

I strongly suggest that you buy your concealer during work hours. Maybe between 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.? Stores are normally empty around these times.

Lastly, while it’s ok to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, try not to take it too seriously. It’s really just a guilty pleasure. Zelda and I agree that the guy with the food gives good advice. Avoid the rest – especially the fruitloop with the clothes.

Scott

I once dated a man who used concealer that was like two shades away from his skin and it was painful to see. It was almost like you wanted to punch him in the face just to even out the color.

However, I understand your predicament. The results of eye creams are much too subtle for the hardy bags and half moons under the eyes. You can probably get away with it. Simply use your index finger and pat on some light and blend-able concealing product (check out Bobbi Brown, Shu Uemura and MAC for really good ones) that some highly trained girl in a cosmetic counter picks out for you (and don’t say it’s for your girlfriend). Now, this is only if it’s a must. I personally cringe at cosmetics on men in general. I find that lipbalm is the only acceptable junk that men can put on their faces.

The crackhead look may be because of the sunken pallor of your skin and not your eyes at all. A good idea is to slap on some facial self-tanners (Neutrogena, L’Oreal, Lancome and Clarins make good ones – it tints skin a shade more toasty and not orange). A bit of color helps soften the shade of blah under your eyes and the glow gives your face a healthier flush. Don’t forget the ears and neck and don’t go overboard especially if the rest of your body remains pale.

And yes, don’t listen to those pasty buffoons on Queer Eye -– except for the food guy.

Zelda

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How’s Your Chia Pet?

Everyone is getting these Brazilian waxes now and I’m reading about it in all the magazines, which makes me wonder is being au naturelle au-ver?

Snippy

I think it’s safe to say that au naturelle is over, just like acid-washed jeans. Why? Because your partner would like to see where he’s going when he’s pretending to be a cunning linguist. And aside from that, it just looks real purty too.

I even asked an officemate about it and she said that she didn’t like it because it made her look like a star for Vivid Video (and this is bad?). "Besides," she says, "why would you want to be with someone who looks 12?"

Only if your name’s Lolita, I guess.

Scott

While Scott plays Dr. Kinsey, let me get to the point. If you ask me, a trim Barbara is as ideal as it is aesthetically pleasing and, not to mention, sanitary. However, if you want what the rest of the world wants then there are no answers. Although the Brazilian is the fad amongst the fashionable lot, many Helmut Newton die-hards still prefer the wilderness down south. Things I am certain of: it hurts like hell, can be a pain to maintain, but you’re beach-ready anytime and it’s a novelty to have – that my dear that is as far as I will go.

Zelda

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