Brother trouble?
August 13, 2004 | 12:00am
Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
I’m 16 and my brother is 10 years old and rides the school bus everyday to and from school. Yesterday, I was surprised to see him give a dirty finger and say a bad word to a playmate. When I confronted him, he said he was sorry and wouldn’t repeat it. He also said he learned this from a high school student who rode the same school bus. No one in our family does it and I’m sure my father will freak out if he finds out. What should I do? Should I tell my parents or will I take my brother’s word for it?
Elder Sister
Ordinarily, I’d say take your brother’s word for it and give him another chance because I don’t like my sister to get into any trouble with my parents. But at 10 years old and allowing himself to be influenced by a high school student, I’m assuming that his word is not good enough. So, my advice is for you to tell your parents. Aside from them having the right to know, your parents will know what to do. They might punish him and if they punish him at all, it would be because they want him to grow as an upright person.
China
This shocking behavior should get some shocking punishment too. If I were you, I’d tell my father. Since as you said he’d "freak out", then he will deal with your brother sternly. I believe your brother deserves to be punished so that he knows that his actions have consequences. Who better to give this than your father. Besides, he’s a boy and if I’m right, he will get into more trouble as he grows older. He should know early that there are people around him watching out and at the same time caring that he behaves like a gentleman.
Mai-Mai
I think you should tell one of your parents about the behavior of your brother. If you’re sure your father will freak him out, then maybe you should tell your mother about it instead. It’s good that you confronted your brother right away. Unfortunately, this is not enough. It should be made clear to him by your parents that this is not an acceptable behavior. At his age, I am quite certain that peer pressure and peer influence will make your brother break his promise. And, if I were your mother, I’d ask the school to talk to the parents of the older student and at the same time talk to the driver of the school bus so he can do something about it. So my advice is, let them know.
Tingting
Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
I’m quite confused with my problem. I’m a college student and I have never had a boyfriend nor dated ever. Lately, I started to realize that I have a big crush on my professor. He has all the qualities I want in a boyfriend. During his class, I can hardly look at him because I get really shy. I only talk to him if I have to because I get very conscious. Is this normal? I hear that so many of my classmates have a crush on him too. Is there any way I can get over this feeling? Is it wrong to like a professor? Please help me.
Hopelessly Addicted
It’s not bad and it’s very normal for you to like a professor. But I think it becomes unhealthy when the sight of him distracts you. Remember you are there to learn. The only way to get over this feeling is for you to open your doors to more friendships and more activities. I’m sure you have a lot of school requirements in college and if you center your efforts on accomplishing them, you’ll probably have less time thinking about your professor. But, of course, all work and no play will drain you. Instead of daydreaming about him, try having fun with your friends. Watch a movie, do girlie things together. You should make a conscious effort to put him out of your mind.
China
Yes, it is normal to have a crush on a professor. Many girls your age have high regard for their professors. It’s only wrong to like your professor if it starts to affect your grades and if you start obsessing about him. Is there any way to get over this feeling? Yes. Go out with your peers. Aside from what you see in the classroom, I don’t think that you know this professor at all. Is he married? Maybe he has a girlfriend? How about his likes and dislikes? Do you have anything in common at all? These are only some of the questions you should be able to answer. Be realistic. You’d probably have more things in common with boys your age.
Mai-Mai
I think it’s quite normal for you to have a crush on your professor. Professors exude an air of dignity and students are impressed by their intelligence and eloquence. But the admiration should end there. It’s not bad to like him especially if you draw some inspiration from your professor’s talents. However, as you have mentioned, your awe has stamped you more than it has helped you. You’re apparently an impressionable shy girl and being around him intimidates you. Shake yourself out of it. It will adversely affect your learning process if you continue dreaming about him. I suggest rather than concentrating on the teacher, you should focus on what he has to teach.
Tingting
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com.
I’m 16 and my brother is 10 years old and rides the school bus everyday to and from school. Yesterday, I was surprised to see him give a dirty finger and say a bad word to a playmate. When I confronted him, he said he was sorry and wouldn’t repeat it. He also said he learned this from a high school student who rode the same school bus. No one in our family does it and I’m sure my father will freak out if he finds out. What should I do? Should I tell my parents or will I take my brother’s word for it?
Elder Sister
Ordinarily, I’d say take your brother’s word for it and give him another chance because I don’t like my sister to get into any trouble with my parents. But at 10 years old and allowing himself to be influenced by a high school student, I’m assuming that his word is not good enough. So, my advice is for you to tell your parents. Aside from them having the right to know, your parents will know what to do. They might punish him and if they punish him at all, it would be because they want him to grow as an upright person.
China
This shocking behavior should get some shocking punishment too. If I were you, I’d tell my father. Since as you said he’d "freak out", then he will deal with your brother sternly. I believe your brother deserves to be punished so that he knows that his actions have consequences. Who better to give this than your father. Besides, he’s a boy and if I’m right, he will get into more trouble as he grows older. He should know early that there are people around him watching out and at the same time caring that he behaves like a gentleman.
Mai-Mai
I think you should tell one of your parents about the behavior of your brother. If you’re sure your father will freak him out, then maybe you should tell your mother about it instead. It’s good that you confronted your brother right away. Unfortunately, this is not enough. It should be made clear to him by your parents that this is not an acceptable behavior. At his age, I am quite certain that peer pressure and peer influence will make your brother break his promise. And, if I were your mother, I’d ask the school to talk to the parents of the older student and at the same time talk to the driver of the school bus so he can do something about it. So my advice is, let them know.
Tingting
I’m quite confused with my problem. I’m a college student and I have never had a boyfriend nor dated ever. Lately, I started to realize that I have a big crush on my professor. He has all the qualities I want in a boyfriend. During his class, I can hardly look at him because I get really shy. I only talk to him if I have to because I get very conscious. Is this normal? I hear that so many of my classmates have a crush on him too. Is there any way I can get over this feeling? Is it wrong to like a professor? Please help me.
Hopelessly Addicted
It’s not bad and it’s very normal for you to like a professor. But I think it becomes unhealthy when the sight of him distracts you. Remember you are there to learn. The only way to get over this feeling is for you to open your doors to more friendships and more activities. I’m sure you have a lot of school requirements in college and if you center your efforts on accomplishing them, you’ll probably have less time thinking about your professor. But, of course, all work and no play will drain you. Instead of daydreaming about him, try having fun with your friends. Watch a movie, do girlie things together. You should make a conscious effort to put him out of your mind.
China
Yes, it is normal to have a crush on a professor. Many girls your age have high regard for their professors. It’s only wrong to like your professor if it starts to affect your grades and if you start obsessing about him. Is there any way to get over this feeling? Yes. Go out with your peers. Aside from what you see in the classroom, I don’t think that you know this professor at all. Is he married? Maybe he has a girlfriend? How about his likes and dislikes? Do you have anything in common at all? These are only some of the questions you should be able to answer. Be realistic. You’d probably have more things in common with boys your age.
Mai-Mai
I think it’s quite normal for you to have a crush on your professor. Professors exude an air of dignity and students are impressed by their intelligence and eloquence. But the admiration should end there. It’s not bad to like him especially if you draw some inspiration from your professor’s talents. However, as you have mentioned, your awe has stamped you more than it has helped you. You’re apparently an impressionable shy girl and being around him intimidates you. Shake yourself out of it. It will adversely affect your learning process if you continue dreaming about him. I suggest rather than concentrating on the teacher, you should focus on what he has to teach.
Tingting
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