WANTED: HAPPY POTION

Hey Marc!

I hope you’re doing fine and happy.  What is your secret or key to being happy? May God bless you always!

Awie

It just so happens that I am fine and happy, and even more so than usual because it’s my birthday tomorrow! Yep, that’s right folks; I’m a Valentine’s baby. And because I’m getting a year older (and hopefully wiser), I thought it would be a good time to answer Awie’s question and share the outlook on life that keeps me happy. No big secret or anything, mainly just a way of thinking and behaving that should keep a smile on your face as often as possible.

As I said, there’s no hidden secret or elixir of happiness that I’m taking (although if there was I could bottle it and make a fortune!), but rather it’s how you perceive things, yourself included. The mind is a powerful thing, and your state of mind can either positively or adversely affect your life, depending on your mood. For example, if you have woken up late, missed breakfast, broken a shoelace and are now in the car rushing to get to work, it’s not surprising that you’ll be a little stressed out. You may think that the day is conspiring against you, and so your mind will automatically be in "I’m ticked off!" mode. In this frame of mind, the stress of Manila traffic is going to bring your mood to a boiling point, and you’d be about ready to shoot someone if they cut you off along EDSA. If you’re commuting instead of driving, then the constant jeepney/bus stops, crowding, and general open-air heat and pollution will enrage you even more. By the time you get to work, you’re in a murderous mood and will take it out on people around you and work in general. Of course you are then setting your mood for the rest of the day, and things will just get worse.

So, how to combat this vicious cycle and turn your day into a good one? I’m certainly not infallible, but this seems to work for me more often than not. When it seems like everything is working against you, think about what is within your control to change. Things that you can change for the better, you should do. However things that can’t be changed or is no direct fault of your own should not be stressed about too much. If we take the case I mentioned before about waking late etc., there are ways to deal with it. Firstly, you’re already running late, and stressing about it is not going to help things. Take a few seconds to get your mind organized and work out the fastest way of getting ready. This means multi-tasking like brushing your teeth in the shower and mentally picking out what you’re wearing so you don’t have to spend time deciding when you look at your closet. Speed is of the essence, but you can make it a game of how fast you can get ready instead of having your brain all muddled and stressed. Breakfast you can get on the go, whether it be some fruit, crackers or something from a vendor along the way. This should tide you over till you find something more substantial. I personally keep a couple of cereal bars in my bag for emergencies, as an empty stomach in the morning can increase irritability. Your shoelaces break? Big deal! Tie them shorter for now and try to fix them later or get new laces at lunch time. Stuck in traffic? Use the time to plan your day or calm down (basic meditation can work wonders for de-stressing). Try to change your mood and treat each new geographic location (home, car, office etc.) as a new level in your mood game. By the time you reach your workplace, you should be in a happy mood, and try to infect your workmates with that same feeling.

This is just an example of how to deal with a typical bad day, and although it may take some practice, I guarantee it will help in the end. Another thing I always tell people is to remember what you have to be thankful for. This is especially true during break-ups, when people think their whole world is crashing down on them because their relationship has ended. Yes, it is certainly a sad time, and deserves some period of mourning, but also try and think of all the things that are going for you at the same time. When I feel down for whatever reason (and yes, it sometimes happens to me too. I’m just as human as the rest of you.) I go through a simple happiness "reality checklist". Am I healthy? Check. Do I have family that loves me? Check. Do I have friends who will always be there for me? Check. Do I have enough money to survive without becoming destitute? Check. Do I know that no matter how bad things are at the moment, I will have a reason to smile sometime in the future? Check.

When you realize these things, then you can understand the bigger picture. That although things might be hard at the moment, it’s just a temporary setback in the story of your life. You can take things even further if you start to recognize really positive "extras" in your life as well. In my case, I realize that I’m extremely lucky to have found a job that I really, really love. It may have taken me quite a few years to find it, but in the end it found me. However, I’m happy that I’ve had the experience of being (at different times in my life) a paperboy, cashier, supermarket stockboy, salesman, bartender, English teacher, gymnastics coach, restaurant manager and hotel concierge. All of those jobs and more have made me who I am today, in much the same way that everyone I’ve met has had an impact on my life. The important thing is to treat every experience, either good or bad, as a learning one. Learn from the bad so that you don’t make the same mistake twice, and appreciate the good so that you can seek it out again.

Other tips include being responsible and down to earth. Responsible in the sense that whatever you do, do it as well as you can and don’t avoid your duties. A sense of accomplishment and happiness at a job well done can do great things for enhancing a mood of well-being. Not only that, but it will make people around you appreciate your worth, and there are few things better than having people admire you for your hard work, talent and sunny disposition. That being said, you have to remember to always keep grounded. No matter how well things are going for you, don’t ever feel that you are better than others. Some of us may be luckier for whatever reason, but we’re all born equal and it’s important to remember that and appreciate your blessings rather than showing them off and treating anyone as inferior. Instead, try brightening up someone else’s day, and make them feel important. Being polite and smiling is always a good way to start. When was the last time you took note of a waiter’s name, looked them in the eye and said "thank you very much, you did a great job"? If they wear a name tag, use their name. Be sincere and watch the smile it will bring to their face. This is not only for their benefit. You’ll find their appreciative smile giving you a warm, good feeling as well.

Lastly, appreciate the simple pleasures in life. I know everyone can’t be fortunate enough to have my kind of job and afford the odd vacation or night out on the town. However, some of my happiest times were before I was earning a decent salary. Having friends over for dinner or drinks is very inexpensive (just get everyone to bring something), and a pleasant change from going to a bar where you can’t hear each other and end up with a huge bill at the end of the night. Instead of going to a movie, have a couple of friends over and rent a DVD or video. Take a weekend off and take a trip up to Tagaytay or go camping in the province. Stroll around Luneta or have a picnic somewhere. Think of all the good times you’ve had, and you’ll realize that a lot of them had as much to do with the people you were with as it did the place or activity. Friends and family aren’t for hire. They’ll always be there and won’t charge you a cent. Appreciate them.

So, that’s a little insight into how I try and keep happy. I admit that I am very fortunate and lucky to have a wonderful life, but I do honestly believe that part of the reason for that is having the right outlook. It’s worked well for me these past years, and I hope it will continue to do so for many more birthdays to come. Just to share my happiness, I’m going to make my birthday/Valentine’s wish that this outlook will work for all of you as well! Happy advanced Valentine’s everyone! I love you all and thank you for supporting my column! Cheers!

Marc

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