Feeling December, remembering mama

There’s something so distinct about the December air. The minute you feel the crisp, cold breeze on your cheeks, you suddenly realize what month it is. That blast of wind jolts you out of your habitual, everyday routine and flamboyantly declares that the holidays are here. No matter how many Christmas decorations sprout up, it’s the familiar, chilly air that reminds us that it’s already December. You start thinking about how many days there are before Christmas, how many people you want to give gifts to, how much weight you’re going to put on, and how you’re going to spend your holidays.

Yes, December is such a busy month, and it’s definitely the only time that I don’t mind feeling extra stress. After all, it’s the annual Christmas rush. Wherever you go, you’ll always feel the buzz of the holiday season. People are never still, whether they’re sitting in an impossibly slow-moving car on the packed highway or swiftly walking in and out of stores in the mall for the perfect gift. With everything that needs to be done, it’s impossible to stay dormant. Once you immerse yourself in that holiday rush, the days will fly by so quickly. Before you know it, all the gifts have been opened, all the ham has been gobbled up, all the wishes have been made, all the sparklers have been lighted, and we have to switch our minds back to regular, scheduled programming. That’s why I try to relish each holiday moment and carefully plan the things I want to do.

The ironic thing about the holidays is that even with all the planning ahead that I do, I somehow always look back at the past. The Ghost of Christmas Past never fails to visit me and bring along lot of memories with him. I’m not only talking about the painful, lonely memories that depress a lot of people during this time of year, but also the ones that give a certain feeling of warmth and happiness. After all, December is the end of the year, and once you reach the finish line, it’s nice to look back at the trail that you left and the milestones that you passed. Looking back is a nice way to balance out the fast, somewhat hectic pace of the season.

My friends and I have been doing our own reminiscing about how we spend Christmas. As we started exchanging anecdotes about our yearly traditions, stories of opening gifts, having real hot chocolate, and seeing adorable cousins get older every year spilled out. Hearing about the holidays is quite addicting. After talking about one tradition, we moved on to another thing and gobbled up story after story. We all had different experiences, but one thing was clear. The holidays wouldn’t be complete without our families. Most of our favorite moments are spent with them, from last minute shopping on Christmas Eve to toasting on New Year’s Eve.

I’ve never spent Christmas away from my family, and even though I’ve been with them every year, each Christmas is still memorable. I still have a lot of fond memories of being the first to wake up, making a whole lot of noise so we could open presents, getting intrigued when my dad ran spoonfuls of rice over leftover egg yolks during Christmas breakfast, getting dressed up according to the theme of the family reunion (we’ve had Hawaiian and cowboy parties), and attempting to jump on the mattress my parents gave me and landing hard on the floor. (Wapak.)

One of my favorite memories is the Hagibis presentation my family gave at one of our reunions. Everyone in the audience was already surprised when they heard the opening riffs of Katawan", but when they saw all the boys – my Dad, brothers, tito, and cousin – parade out wearing vests, cowboy hats, and shades, they started hooting and yelling. It was really funny to see the guys’ muscles and tummies while they were marching and making tough guy poses.

However, it was my lola who brought down the house. For a finale, Mama came out in shades and a leather jacket, with a chain around her waist. Since she was the oldest among her siblings and had sort of a reputation for being stern, it was hilarious to see her flaunting and twirling the ends of the chain, whipping them around as she plodded across the floor. Even now, it’s a classic Mama moment. All of us can’t stop grinning when we talk about it.

It was after seeing that Hagibis presentation in my mind when I realized that she had already passed away two years ago. Two Christmases have come and gone; two Decembers without memories of Mama. None of her hand-written greeting cards, immaculately wrapped presents, crisp and new aguinaldos, special Christmas accents on her clothes, secretive smiles right before you open her gifts, gentle reminders of who’s celebrating His birthday, and touching messages for each member of the family. I still miss them and I miss her even more.

It’s funny how one person is enough to create so many wonderful memories in another person’s life. One person is enough to turn normal days into holidays. Just like a small pebble can produce ripple after ripple in water, having Mama in my life was enough to give me enough memorable moments to last a lifetime. I could write volumes about my grandmother, and I was lucky enough to have one of my essays about her published in a book called Aparador ni Lola, edited by my Tita Emmie Velarde. It’s a collection of essays about the wonderful worlds inside the closets of our grandmothers – I’m sure you’ve rifled through your lola’s at least once in your life. Flipping through the book is like peeking into the aparadors of several interesting grandmothers, and reading each essay really invokes hidden memories and recollections. Christmas is the season for remembering. After talking with my friends and reading the book, I remember Mama. It’s soothing to sit back and remember all the Christmases and New Years we spent together. Just one moment is enough to bring on the rest of the memories. I’d remember how she would carefully remove the wrapping of her gifts, without tearing them and slide the gifts back in afterwards. She’d even keep all the ribbons and wrappers to reuse. When I think of that, they’re enough to get me through wrapping my own gifts. Thinking about the memories helps me savor and appreciate the imminent moments this season.

The holidays are truly a feast for the senses. You see the blinking lights sprawled on your neighbor’s bushes, the exploding fireworks, and the bright decorations. You hear every version of every Christmas carol and of the greeting Merry Christmas. You smell roasting chestnuts outside the supermarket, pungent wine as it’s poured out of the bottle, and the smoke from a burned sparkler. You taste all kinds of food, from pancit to brownies (and keep tasting them for the several succeeding days, straight from the tupperware). And of course, you feel the undeniable wind. Feed your senses this season and truly make it an experience to remember. Spend it well with your loved ones. I’m very glad that Mama had a big role in my holiday memories. You never know, one day, your memories with them are enough to warm you up when you start to shiver from that cold, December wind.