STARCROSSED LOVERS?
December 12, 2003 | 12:00am
SISTERS ACT By Mai Mai & China Cojuangco …AND MOM REACTS By Tingting Cojuangco
Dear China, Maimai And Tingting,
I’m single, 27 and torn between my boyfriend and my family. My problem is that my parents don’t like him because my family and his have a rift. In spite of this, our love for each other grew and we stayed together. Yesterday, we had a fight, I broke up with him thinking that I should follow my parents’ advice and now I am sorry I did. How can I revive my relationship with him?
Nihonggo27
For me, my parents’ approval is very important. It isn’t comfortable for me to go around with a guy that my parents don’t like. The fact that you broke up with him stating your parents as a reason means that in your subconscious, you know that your parents my be right. I suggest you use this time alone thinking of the best possible direction to take. Will it be better if you talk to him and ask that you both give your relationship a second chance or would it better if you let him go?
China
If your parents are against your boyfriend, then you are in a "you and me against the world" kind of relationship. This means that the odds are stacked against you and that while it is possible that this relationship is going to last, the chances of it falling is also high. But, if you really love the guy and want to pursue the relationship, there’s no other way to revive your relationship with him but go and open the communication lines with him. You may have hurt him already but if he loves you too, he will be willing to give it another try.
Maimai
Do you think it is wise for you to revive your relationship with him, especially as you are very aware that your family doesn’t like him? Maybe this is your way out of a relationship that has no blessings from your loved ones. A relationship is very hard to maintain. More so if people close to you are against it in the first place. While you can say that the fight is between the families and you and your boyfriend have nothing to do with it, family approval is a big deal in relationships especially in our society. Think hard. This break-up might be good for both of you after all.
Tingting
Dear China, Maimai And Tingting,
I’m always having problems with my mom and dad. They don’t seem to trust me. Are all parents like that? They’re being unfair. Even though they don’t tell me I can sense that they trust my sister more than me. Please help.
Untrusted
My parents from the very start laid out some strict rules that we all had to follow. When we were still studying, they wanted us to concentrate on school and finish college. That was non-debatable. Then, they wanted to know our friends. I’d bring my friends and classmates to our house and we’d hang around there. When my parents allowed me to go out, there was always curfew. The point is, in every household, there are rules that we are bound to follow. Eventually, as we grow old and even earn their respect, our parents will realize that we are trustworthy and will give us our own freedom. Be patient. Your time will come.
China
I’m not a parent but I assure you that our parents have their own reasons for being over-protective sometimes. As a teenager, I remember thinking that my parents didn’t trust me enough either, but as years passed, I learned that they just didn’t want me to come to any harm. You didn’t tell us your age, but I would guess you’re still young because you feel this way. Give your parents respect. Respect their opinions and their decisions. They know more than us. Show them you respect them before they can respect you. Sooner or later, you will get the freedom you deserve.
Maimai
All our children had to earn our respect before they were given their independence. They earned our respect when they did their duties in the school, community and household to the best of their abilities. I tried to get to know their friends and honestly tell them if I had misgivings. Maybe you should try to do this with your parents as well. Introduce them to your friends so that they will feel at ease when you’re out with them. Earn their respect by doing your obligations and responsibilities. Parents don’t like to be unfair. In fact, we are too careful and too aware that we should treat our children the same way. Remember, we are parents and although you may not realize it now, we know what’s really good for you.
Tingting
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com.
Dear China, Maimai And Tingting,
I’m single, 27 and torn between my boyfriend and my family. My problem is that my parents don’t like him because my family and his have a rift. In spite of this, our love for each other grew and we stayed together. Yesterday, we had a fight, I broke up with him thinking that I should follow my parents’ advice and now I am sorry I did. How can I revive my relationship with him?
Nihonggo27
For me, my parents’ approval is very important. It isn’t comfortable for me to go around with a guy that my parents don’t like. The fact that you broke up with him stating your parents as a reason means that in your subconscious, you know that your parents my be right. I suggest you use this time alone thinking of the best possible direction to take. Will it be better if you talk to him and ask that you both give your relationship a second chance or would it better if you let him go?
China
If your parents are against your boyfriend, then you are in a "you and me against the world" kind of relationship. This means that the odds are stacked against you and that while it is possible that this relationship is going to last, the chances of it falling is also high. But, if you really love the guy and want to pursue the relationship, there’s no other way to revive your relationship with him but go and open the communication lines with him. You may have hurt him already but if he loves you too, he will be willing to give it another try.
Maimai
Do you think it is wise for you to revive your relationship with him, especially as you are very aware that your family doesn’t like him? Maybe this is your way out of a relationship that has no blessings from your loved ones. A relationship is very hard to maintain. More so if people close to you are against it in the first place. While you can say that the fight is between the families and you and your boyfriend have nothing to do with it, family approval is a big deal in relationships especially in our society. Think hard. This break-up might be good for both of you after all.
Tingting
I’m always having problems with my mom and dad. They don’t seem to trust me. Are all parents like that? They’re being unfair. Even though they don’t tell me I can sense that they trust my sister more than me. Please help.
Untrusted
My parents from the very start laid out some strict rules that we all had to follow. When we were still studying, they wanted us to concentrate on school and finish college. That was non-debatable. Then, they wanted to know our friends. I’d bring my friends and classmates to our house and we’d hang around there. When my parents allowed me to go out, there was always curfew. The point is, in every household, there are rules that we are bound to follow. Eventually, as we grow old and even earn their respect, our parents will realize that we are trustworthy and will give us our own freedom. Be patient. Your time will come.
China
I’m not a parent but I assure you that our parents have their own reasons for being over-protective sometimes. As a teenager, I remember thinking that my parents didn’t trust me enough either, but as years passed, I learned that they just didn’t want me to come to any harm. You didn’t tell us your age, but I would guess you’re still young because you feel this way. Give your parents respect. Respect their opinions and their decisions. They know more than us. Show them you respect them before they can respect you. Sooner or later, you will get the freedom you deserve.
Maimai
All our children had to earn our respect before they were given their independence. They earned our respect when they did their duties in the school, community and household to the best of their abilities. I tried to get to know their friends and honestly tell them if I had misgivings. Maybe you should try to do this with your parents as well. Introduce them to your friends so that they will feel at ease when you’re out with them. Earn their respect by doing your obligations and responsibilities. Parents don’t like to be unfair. In fact, we are too careful and too aware that we should treat our children the same way. Remember, we are parents and although you may not realize it now, we know what’s really good for you.
Tingting
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