And there’s even gonna be a fourth…

It was about 11:20 p.m. in San Francisco when I was switching back and forth between CBS and NBC’s respective evening news programs, awaiting The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on the latter, which was to start in a few minutes. Scenes of the California wildfire were flashing onto the TV screen, and subsequently, the next segment was about a group of parents protesting the film I had just seen earlier that day: Scary Movie 3. The soccer moms, who were objecting to the MPAA’s (Motion Picture Association of America) decision to rate the movie PG-13, were giving out flyers saying that SM3 promoted underage drinking and that it should’ve been given an R. Now, the MPAA’s rating was surprising (the first two Scary Movies received Rs), and the controversy surrounding it has enraged thousands, maybe even millions of parents. But nevertheless, it’s raking up the dough; it is just about to cross the $100 million mark, easily surpassing the second’s $71 million gross and may well enough exceed the first’s $127 million.

The first Scary Movie spoofed teen slasher flicks like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer; the second parodied supernatural movies like The Haunting and The Exorcist. The first Scary Movie was one of 2000’s funniest; the second was total crap and was one of 2001’s worst. The third SM though, spoofs, according to star Anna Faris, "anything that makes money." Actually, The Ring, Signs, 8 Mile, The Sixth Sense, The Others and The Matrix are the victims of this third installment, and yes, they have all made (a lot of) money. Anna Faris reprises her role as the now-blonde Cindy, a news anchorwoman who gets hold of a mysterious videotape (sound familiar?). Upon watching it, she receives a call, with a voice saying she’s going to die in seven days. Charlie Sheen plays Tom (spoofing the Mel Gibson role from Signs), a former reverend who lost his faith in God after his wife (played by Sheen’s real-life spouse Denise Richards) died in a car accident. He discovers strange crop circles in his farm, and then realizes aliens plan to attack the earth. Cindy then meets with Orpheus (Eddie Griffin) and ShaNeequa (Queen Latifah), who tell her she’s "the one" who can save the earth from destruction. In between, there are numerous subplots, one of them Tom’s brother George (Simon Rex) wanting to be a rapper in "Da Hood," a la Eminem in 8 Mile.

Just like The Matrix Revolutions, Scary Movie 3 had to redeem itself from a terrible predecessor. However, unlike Revolutions, SM3 was able to win back the audience it lost, and was even able to contest the first’s hilarity. This time, however, the Wayans brothers, the first two’s writers and directors, are out; director David Zucker, of Airplane! fame, is in. And because Airplane! was the pioneer of the parody film and is considered one of the funniest movies of all time, Zucker is the best thing to happen to the Scary Movie franchise. He gives the film a sense of urgency, and never leaves any slow spots for us to stop laughing.

Ironically, that particular technique is what goes against the film. Zucker tries to cram so many chuckles into 90 minutes that the plot loses its coherence. Instead of a story that we can follow, it becomes a string of skits, moving from one movie to another, and making it feel like an episode of Saturday Night Live. And after a while, the story eventually fades away, leaving the filmmaker with an empty, though side-splittingly funny canvas.

Scary Movie 3 isn’t the best of the three, but it does come impossibly close to the first. (SM2 isn’t even in the running.) There are so memorably funny moments – Tom catching a nose-less Michael Jackson as the "Are you mad? I am your daughter" little girl from The Others, Cindy asking if she’s going to die in seven business days, ShaNeequa’s fight with Samara’s mom from The Ring – that you somewhat tend to forget the film’s mistakes, and just keep on laughing till you can’t breathe.

Bottom Line: What’s scary is how hilarious Scary Movie 3 turned out to be. And yes, there’ll be a forthcoming out fall next year, now spoofing superhero movies.

Grade: B

To Do List Movies

• Watch Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. Don’t you want to see the film Russell Crowe will be nominated Best Actor for this February? It is also a possible, though somewhat unlikely, Best Picture contender now that The Alamo’s release date has been pushed back to April 2004 due to post-production concerns.

• Watch Scary Movie 3.

• Watch the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban trailer. This teaser trailer shows us the very first scenes from June 4th’s highly-anticipated Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, which is, for the completely clueless, Harry’s third year at Hogwarts. The trailer can be seen before the new Looney Tunes movie opening next week, or, if you want to watch it over and over again like me, download it from any Potter website. (Google it, if you’re having trouble finding a site.)

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Note: In my Haunted Hollywood column a few weeks ago, I failed to acknowledge my sources, Eonline.com and seeing-stars.com.

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For comments, questions and suggestions, e-mail me at lanz_gryffindor@yahoo.com.