Bad music to your ears
October 24, 2003 | 12:00am
Now before any of you go running to your computers and start bad mouthing me, I’ll have you know that I didn’t have anything to do with this list at all. Blender Magazine, a US music monthly, bravely (or should I say foolishly) published this list about a month ago and all hell broke loose. Suddenly everyone became experts and started compiling lists of their own (including yours truly).
To be honest, I’m a bit skeptical about how the guys at Blender picked these fellas out of a hat. In fact I kind of disagree with some of them. And while I have no qualms about the Celine Dion or 98 Degrees selections (now you can go running to the computers), I’m surprised to see Mick Jagger, the Goo Goo Dolls, and the Doors on the same roll with some of these mushrooms.
The magazine ranked Jagger at No. 13, mocking the Rolling Stones frontman's solo venture as worse than something produced by a "tone deaf six-year-old." Now that’s cold, man. David Bowie’s ill-conceived rock band Tin Machine fared even worse at the hands of these melons, and was described simply as "really, really bad." Jamiroquai himself wasn’t spared from the alleged "witch-hunt, named as the 25th worst music artist of all time, and dubbed ‘the white, talentless Stevie Wonder’." Ouch.
Legendary rock group The Doors were incredibly planted at No. 37 with the magazine criticizing singer Jim Morrison for inflicting his "terminally adolescent views on the wider world." Oh come now. I’m not a huge Doors fan, and their philosophies and ideas are said to be "very immature and amateurish, maybe even simplistic," but I’m still surprised to see them up there. No question Morrison was a bit of a drama queen, but what rock star isn't? People deserve to be judged on their best work.
Worst-list veterans Vanilla Ice, Kenny G, and Michael Bolton all made the top 10, edging out Dion, Creed (wha?), Richard Marx (he, he), and Crash Test Dummies. Indeed there are some surprises here, but I think Oingo Boingo should still have been placed in the first five slots, don’t you think?
But what really stunned me is how they blasted the Goo Goo Dolls and Toad the Wet Sprocket. Although neither of these bands can be considered pioneers of music, they definitely have some good songs in them. And how Blender just attacked them will be very upsetting to their respective fans:
"We were together longer than we ever thought we’d be," said Toad the Wet Sprocket singer Glenn Phillips when the band split up in 1998. Longer than the rest of us had hoped, too. But the California four-piece defied the odds for 12 years, even piercing the Top 40 with their R.E.M. readymades.
Appalling fact: Toad decided to have another go this year, playing dates with Counting Crows. Run.
"Buffalo, New York’s Goo Goo Dolls are former garage-rockers who, since their 1995 acoustic hit "Name", have successfully flogged a pallid brand of Bon Jovi lite rock. "Iris," their smash 1998 weepie, gives power ballads a bad name.
Worst CD: Gutterflower
Insane Clown Posse, which truth be told, I’m not very familiar with, was named as the worst artist/s of all time. If I’m not mistaken, they’re the rap duo that fought with Eminem.
So here you are, folks. It might get your goat, but like it or hate it, it’s official. Blender Magazine’s "The 50 worst artists in Music History." I’m shocked Yoko Ono and Milli Vanilli aren’t included. Yech!
E-mail: mister_foxy@yahoo.com
To be honest, I’m a bit skeptical about how the guys at Blender picked these fellas out of a hat. In fact I kind of disagree with some of them. And while I have no qualms about the Celine Dion or 98 Degrees selections (now you can go running to the computers), I’m surprised to see Mick Jagger, the Goo Goo Dolls, and the Doors on the same roll with some of these mushrooms.
The magazine ranked Jagger at No. 13, mocking the Rolling Stones frontman's solo venture as worse than something produced by a "tone deaf six-year-old." Now that’s cold, man. David Bowie’s ill-conceived rock band Tin Machine fared even worse at the hands of these melons, and was described simply as "really, really bad." Jamiroquai himself wasn’t spared from the alleged "witch-hunt, named as the 25th worst music artist of all time, and dubbed ‘the white, talentless Stevie Wonder’." Ouch.
Legendary rock group The Doors were incredibly planted at No. 37 with the magazine criticizing singer Jim Morrison for inflicting his "terminally adolescent views on the wider world." Oh come now. I’m not a huge Doors fan, and their philosophies and ideas are said to be "very immature and amateurish, maybe even simplistic," but I’m still surprised to see them up there. No question Morrison was a bit of a drama queen, but what rock star isn't? People deserve to be judged on their best work.
Worst-list veterans Vanilla Ice, Kenny G, and Michael Bolton all made the top 10, edging out Dion, Creed (wha?), Richard Marx (he, he), and Crash Test Dummies. Indeed there are some surprises here, but I think Oingo Boingo should still have been placed in the first five slots, don’t you think?
But what really stunned me is how they blasted the Goo Goo Dolls and Toad the Wet Sprocket. Although neither of these bands can be considered pioneers of music, they definitely have some good songs in them. And how Blender just attacked them will be very upsetting to their respective fans:
"We were together longer than we ever thought we’d be," said Toad the Wet Sprocket singer Glenn Phillips when the band split up in 1998. Longer than the rest of us had hoped, too. But the California four-piece defied the odds for 12 years, even piercing the Top 40 with their R.E.M. readymades.
Appalling fact: Toad decided to have another go this year, playing dates with Counting Crows. Run.
"Buffalo, New York’s Goo Goo Dolls are former garage-rockers who, since their 1995 acoustic hit "Name", have successfully flogged a pallid brand of Bon Jovi lite rock. "Iris," their smash 1998 weepie, gives power ballads a bad name.
Worst CD: Gutterflower
Insane Clown Posse, which truth be told, I’m not very familiar with, was named as the worst artist/s of all time. If I’m not mistaken, they’re the rap duo that fought with Eminem.
So here you are, folks. It might get your goat, but like it or hate it, it’s official. Blender Magazine’s "The 50 worst artists in Music History." I’m shocked Yoko Ono and Milli Vanilli aren’t included. Yech!
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