Long distance 101

Perhaps one of the most anxiety-ridden relationships you can ever find yourself in is the long distance relationship (LDR). Many people will say that LDRs hardly last, and quite frankly, I find truth in this. This is not to say that they are impossible. Actually, I believe this is absolutely ironic given the fact I have been in an LDR for a good portion of my life. Without a doubt, my LDR is an exception to the rule. While I am currently involved and still extremely blissful (it has been nine years) in an LDR, I don’t recommend them to everyone. In fact, for some, an LDR could be a recipe for disaster.

To comfortably co-exist in an LDR, there are a number of things worth considering and some prerequisites, if you may. Primarily, you should both know which direction the LDR is headed. Sometimes a faraway fling develops into a lifetime romance, but once the distance becomes too much of a strain then it’s sayonara. False expectations give way to traumatizing breakups and there are already too many things to worry about in this world. If you both have some semblance of what it is you want, then the distress of a breakup will pass over you... hopefully. Then you can proceed with caution.

LDRs used to be a mystery to me. Why get involved with someone who isn’t nearby? In a perfect world, you want the option to be with your partner at any given time, so who really seeks an LDR? Then everything falls into place, and here you are in this situation. That said, you should be content in your own skin. You ought to be aware of who you are and at ease with being alone. You aren’t really alone, but hanging solo for the moment. It’s difficult at times not to have a date accompany you places but on the flip side, you are privy to a whole other world – the world of oneself. In any kind of relationship you can expect to learn a great deal about yourself, in addition to your partner, but in an LDR you really get to know yourself well by how you cope with being on your own. Think of it as an outlet for self-reflection.

Not only do you spend quality time with yourself, you are never restricted from spending time with your family and friends. Relish this opportunity and nurture your other relationships. Being in an LDR should not limit your outings. By all means, you should venture out so long as you remember the conditions of your LDR. If you aren’t a people person, then engage in a hobby. Enrich yourself by seeking out different things. Learning something new can be enlightening. Join a volunteer group. The one thing to bear in mind is to stay busy. Occupied time goes by swiftly and it won’t seem as if you’re waiting. Waiting is such a dirty word. Have a life of your own, experience things and share them with your partner when you see or talk to each other next.

Communication is key. This is the most crucial element to making your LDR survive. There’s hardly an excuse to not stay in touch with all the technology the world has to offer. While phone bills can get expensive (mine are exorbitant!), there are other channels of communication. E-mail is widely available and texting is so handy particularly when you want to send a quick message. Snail mail is another option though by the time they receive the letter, the news will be history. However you get in touch with your honey is good as long as you do it often.

Another suggestion to consider doing often is visiting. The anticipation of a visit can be slightly daunting and nerve-wracking but thrilling as well. This can be quite costly but unquestionably worth it. Surprise visits could be delightful (or unpleasant, depending...). The only drawback with visiting is having to say goodbye. Then again, it’s never really goodbye, it’s more of ‘til the next time. Why is it so hard to say goodbye? I must admit, this was the one thing I never got used to. I’ve noticed that if the next trip is already planned, some apprehension can be eased knowing there’s a date to look forward to. Goodbyes are oftentimes harder to handle for the person being left behind as they frequently feel deserted. I find it slightly easier on the person leaving as he/she is going back home and more likely has things to take care of. Please keep in mind that you shouldn’t quarrel while visiting. Why waste precious time?

The worst thing you can possibly do is let your paranoia take control of your actions. People have wild thoughts that usually never crystallize into anything substantial. Never jump into conclusions or results can be disastrous and you can lose countless nights of sleep. It simply isn’t worth it. Then again, don’t let naivete get the best of you. Try to keep arguments to a minimum but if you are constantly at odds you might want to reevaluate your LDR. Even if fights oftentimes lead to kissing and making up, you should know when enough is enough. Establish guidelines for yourself. Know what you can handle.

LDRs require enormous effort and plenty of TLC. They can be fragile but can also develop into miracles so perfect, provided you apply certain principles. Not that I am a leading authority on this subject but over time, I have gotten to know the do’s and don’ts of LDRs – enough for my LDR (which has spanned three continents and many time zones) to become a marriage. At the end of the day, if you’re in love and your gut feel tells you that an LDR is something you want to do, then do it. They work!

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