Talking With Strangers

As a childish and arrogant rule, I never talked to strangers. And I have been successful with that tenet until a few weeks ago when my mum asked me to do some grocery shopping. I naturally wheeled and tried to squirm my way out of it, but when all attempts proved futile, I bowed in defeat and reluctantly asked for the list.

I had hoped that she needed new and exciting ingredients, but the yellow pad with the terrible handwriting consisted of the same old boring stuff: eggs, milk, pepper, ketchup, mustard, tomatoes, and an unbelievable amount of baby carrots.

You see, folks, I find groceries extremely dragging – from praying to the heavens for a decent parking spot to counting tips for bag boys. So when I pulled-up into the mall, that old familiar feeling of weariness began creeping in again. Now I usually checkout the latest electronic gizmos before heading down to the grocery pit, but I was in no mood to stay another minute longer. I felt like a schoolboy prancing around in a candy store with a big, sweaty wad of cash in hand but who wasn’t allowed to spend five pesos on a lollipop. How awful is that? It’s even worse than window-shopping.

I skimmed through the list and bought twice as much of what was needed – just to give my mum a fit. I smiled wickedly and scurried over to the cashiers and hoped that there would only be a few idiots ahead of me. And after poring over the counters to see which had the shortest line, I picked up a few Archie comic books and leaned back on my shopping cart. Too bad I had to do this errand on a Sunday afternoon, I thought. There were dozens of people infront of each row and I was always the last to pull-up. For extra fun, only four of the twelve checkout counters were available. Didn’t I just love it?

I was flipping to the next page to see if Archie will break a date with Veronica Lodge when this attractive, rather undernourished girl walked up behind me carrying nothing but a loaf of bread. I gave her a hard look and wondered why she just didn’t buy one from the bakery outside. She had wavy locks that were never curly and some of it nicely brushed down to her forehead. The nose was short but straight and she wore very little makeup to complement her oval face. Her eyes, though somewhat grayish in color, were like half-bitten eggnog biscuits. And her outfit stood out above the rest – an army colored halter-top paired with black hot pants. Not bad, I thought. Not bad at all.

When our eyes met, I shyly turned away and went back to the comic book. I thought that was the end of my flirting when she suddenly tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around and watched her intently as she calmly spread her bee-stung lips and asked me what time it was. Now as a childish and arrogant rule, I never talked to strangers.

"Seven-thirty pa lang," I said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Ah... thanks ha. Ang haba pala ng pila."

I didn’t answer.

"Uh, pwede bang humingi ulit ng favor?" she said, a little too sweetly.

I just looked at her.

"Paki-adjust naman yung kwintas ko sa leeg kasi medyo maluwag, eh."

Now I may have been called "Batman" in high school (for supposedly being bato at manhid), but I’ve been playing the game of love for too long to not know if a girl was crazy enough to hit on me. And man, did I take advantage of her poor judgment.

It took me quite awhile before I decided that I couldnt be a victim of some poor practical joke on a gag show (because it really looked like one.) I inhaled deeply and tucked my tummy into its place and gave her a wide grin. I swept back my hair and stepped closer.

"Sure. I’d be glad to. Uh, Bakit dito ka pa nagpunta kung tinapay lang bibilhin mo?" It was my turn to start the conversation as she leaned herself to me with the back of her neck nearly brushing my nose. Her rosy fragrance was alluring.

"Ah, may hinihintay kasi ako." She replied softly as I unhooked her thin, silver necklace - my unoccupied fingers gently caressing the tip of her neck, almost like a massage (but more of like tsansing, I suppose).

She was probably talking about a boyfriend. She’s too good-looking to be single, I thought. My hands continued the trail down to her shoulders and I half-expected her to scream. But a flash suddenly occurred inside my head as I visualized the security guards lunging towards me. They would have hauled my ass off to jail and told my folks about it while some sex-starved brute had his way with me. I nearly gagged at the thought, abruptly got my busy fingers off her skin, and pulled back.

But when she didn’t say anything, and even looked somewhat disappointed that I had stopped
touching her (yes, I could tell), I boldly placed my horny paws on her again – and with much more feel.

"So... who or what are you waiting for?" I asked, not trying to sound prying as I pretended to adjust the necklace on her neck (which, by the way, was already a perfect fit).

"To tell you the truth, wala," she said and tilted her head to my ear. "I’m Anna. Ikaw, sino ka?" she whispered. She moaned quietly as I rested my chest on her shoulders while tinkering with her neck(lace).

I hit the f*cking jackpot (at least that’s what I felt)! If it weren’t for the other shoppers giving us icy stares, I would have thought I was daydreaming. And after pinching myself several times to make sure that I really wasn’t, I readied myself to ask if she wanted to have a drink with me. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the grocery list, not the baby carrots, heck, not even the people in-line who resembled the Great Wall of China. In a span of fifteen minutes, I already loved grocery shopping.

Pretty soon, more and more people headed towards the exit with their shopping bags and Anna, who was still behind me, touched my butt (!) and said that this was the most fun she ever had while waiting at a food counter. I laughed. We were nearing the cashier when I slowly coiled my arms around her.

"Uh, can I ask for one final favor?" she purred.

"Anything. Now please listen. I usually don’t do this but I would really appreciate it if we could exchange phone numbers and maybe go get a drink sometime," I said.

She smiled, nodded, and asked me to hold her loaf of bread and promised to "return in a jiffy" because she just needed to use the restroom for a minute. I intently watched her as she gracefully walked away from the line and my sight. I absolutely couldn’t believe my luck: A beautiful, strange woman actually flirted with me in public!

I was in cloud nine thinking about her as the minutes ticked by. But when the cashier started scanning my items, I got restless and darted my eyes left and right to see if she was nearby. When the nice lady totaled up the bill, I knew the game was over. Anna wouldn’t be back and probably found someone else. I sighed and sadly bowed my head and knew that the girl had already left – just as sudden and mysterious as we met. She was gone. And as I reached for my back pocket, I realized that my wallet was too. I fidgeted and gave the cashier a worried smile.

As Satan is my witness, I had a hell of a time explaining myself to the managers before they allowed to let me go. It was definitely one of the most embarrassing situations I ever got myself into and cursed the day I flirted with anyone in a grocery store again (blast that Anna!).

For as a childish and arrogant rule, I never talked to strangers.

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(Author’s note: If you guys are curious to hear me talk about shit, tune-in to DZRB ìRadyo ng Bayanî every Saturday from 11 am to 12 pm. I’m sort of a broadcaster with a couple of other nitwits.)

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My new e-mail address is mister_foxy@yahoo.com. I would again like to apologize to all those who wrote me but did not receive a reply. As you know by now, some crackhead hacked my old email and erased the entire inbox.