Dressed to ill

Dear Marc,

My friends say my way of dressing up is so baduy. I just feel comfy in loose pants and oversized shirts. What is so wrong with that? I guess I need some fashion tips. — Unfashionablew

Don’t get stressed out too much. Everyone has gone through a baduy stage in their lives (remember being a little kid and wanting to dress like Don Johnson on Miami Vice? No?… umm, neither do I). Fashion really is a personal thing and often reflects your lifestyle. From the sound of it, you have, up until now been happy with yourself and dressed for comfort without being a slave to society’s whims of fashion. That being said, the very fact that you are now concerned about what your friends think of your dress sense means you are reaching the point where you want to look a bit more acceptable to people in general.

Have no fear! You are not compromising your pride, lifestyle or comfort. It’s a good thing to want to look your best, as it gives you more confidence especially when dealing with people. You’re not always conscious that people might think you dress strangely and therefore treat you differently, etc. That doesn’t mean you have to conform to the norm, just so long as it looks like you care enough about the people you’re going to see that day to make an effort to look OK. Imagine if your friends came over to your place in boxer shorts and calmly sat down to dinner with your parents. I’m sure they’d be very comfortable, but it kind of shows some disrespect. OK, so that example may have been a bit extreme, but I think you get the general idea. Now let’s talk about comfort.

You say that the reason you like baggy pants and oversized shirts is for comfort. Are you sure this is the real reason and you’re not into that kind of clothing for any other reason? Maybe to fit into the skate or hip-hop culture? If that’s the case, then that’s your lifestyle and your clothes are appropriate. However, although I find baggy clothes pretty comfortable myself, I also feel perfectly comfortable in regular loose jeans or khakis, etc. Regular shirts are pretty comfy too, and if you still feel restricted or hot in them, then perhaps try light, thin and breathable material. Cotton of course is always the best, and can be comfortably loose without having to be huge.

As for the fashion tips, everyone has a slightly different style that suits him or her. You don’t sound like the suit and tie kind of guy, so probably something casual and presentable. The best suggestion I have, is take a girl with a decent dress sense, and have her help you pick out a new wardrobe. I personally think the reason people dress up is a carryover from the animal kingdom, where the male of the species has to impress the females with their plumage in order to get a mate. That being said, who better to help pick your plumage than one of the judges themselves!

* * * Lovelorn

Hi Marc,

I just want to ask, what do guys really want in a relationship? I’ve been through a few relationships and I honestly don’t know how to keep a man. I always end up getting dumped for loving them so much. The relationships usually end up when they leave me for another girl, and believe me, I’ve given them everything I possibly can... and I mean everything.

I can’t say that I’m that super beautiful... I’m simply attractive. I’m certainly not a bad person either. In fact, I’m not selfish. But still, there must be something lacking in me that I don’t know. Hope you can give me some advice.

Thank you. Waiting for your reply, — Princess

If you ask most guys what it is that they look for in a relationship, they’ll probably mention the usual girlfriend virtues such as sense of humor, brains, looks, honesty, trust, etc. Now this is in fact true, but perhaps no huge revelation in itself, as a guy is unlikely to say that a boring, dumb, ugly, lying, jealous girl is the one for him! Also remember that although this is what they say, they also don’t expect perfection, in the same way that a girl would like the perfect guy but knows that she is unlikely to ever find one (although some guys may tell you they are).

From the sound of it, you have tried very hard to be the perfect girlfriend to your ex’s. This is good, but sometimes too much of a good thing gets to be too much. Naturally a guy wants a girl who loves and cares for him, but at the same time maybe he doesn’t want to be smothered. Us guys are quite skittish creatures, and one of the things that sometimes scares us is a girl that will do anything and everything for us. There needs to be some kind of balance.

The majority of single guys I know are still a bit wary of responsibility, and so if you make him the center of your existence, and your reason for waking up every day, it makes him nervous that someone is so dependent on him. Perhaps he needs some time on his own, and more importantly, needs you to have some of your own time as well. This is not only so that you don’t get tired of each other, but also so that you can spend time with your other friends and family and not lose sight of yourself as an individual. It’s very easy for a guy to get attracted to a girl for who she is, but sometimes, if they start dating and spending all of their time together, they become half of a pair instead of two individuals. Friends get forgotten, interests are ignored and everything is done as a couple or not at all. This is fine for a while, but after a while, you’re no longer the same outgoing, diverse person that you were when he met you.

This may sound like a bleak outlook, but it’s so often true for guys as well as girls. My advice is, if you get a new boyfriend, don’t change too much and make him all-important. Love him definitely, but still make time for your other friends and feel free to include him in what you used to do, and vice versa, but don’t cocoon yourself into his life. A guy likes a bit of mystery, and sad to say, we do need to be kept on our toes a bit by the girl we love. Love him completely, but keep it equal. Don’t let yourself become the one who does everything for him with nothing in return or you may lose a certain amount of his love and respect for you as an individual. It’s not always an equal society, but a relationship should be a reasonable balance of two independent minds.

Lastly, don’t get too depressed about a relationship that may have ended for one reason or another, and don’t blame yourself either. There are always a lot of factors in play, and many of which you can’t control. Use it as a learning experience and cherish the memories. If this isn’t enough to lift your spirits, then a wonderful remedy is to head out with your girlfriends and meet some guys. There are few things better for the ego than being chatted up by the opposite sex, and from the sound of you, I’m sure there will be plenty of willing candidates! And if any of those guys get annoying, feel free to start talking about your ex in glowing terms. It’s a surefire conversation killer to get rid of pesky guys.

* * * Rice to the occasion

Marc,

Hi.  Well, I’ve been working out for at least two years now and I realize that I have indeed changed.  I used to be fat but now I’m fit.  Now I am starting to build some muscles. Most of the guys I know tell me that if I want to gain muscles then I should eat more proteins than carbohydrates.  Just what exactly is the difference between those two?  Don’t we need both of those two anyway?  One more thing, I know that rice is a carbohydrate but since it is a part of our culture it’s really hard to avoid not eating it for a day. I’ve tried not eating rice for like a week and I thought I was gonna die.  Can you suggest some food that can be a substitute for rice?  

OK, firstly, yes, there is a huge difference between carbs and protein, and we do in fact need both in order to build muscle mass. However, they should be taken at certain times and in certain amounts and types in order to be truly effective.

Let’s start with carbohydrates. Most people who want to lose weight start eating less carbs, as these starches are a major source of increased girth. However, you shouldn’t cut them out completely. Carbs are also our source of energy. If you stop eating carbs altogether, you’ll find yourself getting drowsy, listless and often irritable. (Been there, done that. Not a pretty sight.) So you realize you need some carbs, but which ones are the right ones? White rice, as I have mentioned before, is the wrong kind of carb. During the cleaning and polishing stage, a lot of the intrinsic goodness has been removed and it becomes more difficult for your body to burn. It’s OK for immediate bursts of energy such as if you were going to the gym soon after, but if you eat it during your normal day to day routine, the rice that doesn’t get burned off quickly just ends up sitting in your stomach taking up space on the inside…and the outside!

What you need is a source of complex carbohydrates for energy. These carbs will burn off gradually throughout the day, giving you the energy as you need it until it’s pretty much gone. Some of the best complex carbohydrates are brown rice, oatmeal and root vegetables such as potato and camote. When I told one of my friends this, he remarked that he wouldn’t be surprised about losing weight on a camote diet, as the amount of methane that would leave his body probably weighed a few pounds on its own.

So now we realize we need carbs (preferably complex) for the energy to work out and lift those weights. If you’ve been working out for two years, you probably already know that when you work out with weights, you are actually tearing and stretching your muscles with the strain. The real building of your muscles happens when you rest and your muscles get repaired bigger and stronger. In order for them to rebuild efficiently, they need protein, and quite a lot of it. Some of the best natural sources of low fat protein are milk, egg whites (the yellow is mainly cholesterol), skinless chicken, lean beef or soy products (soy milk, tofu etc). There are also an excellent range of protein powders and supplements available although some are not so great for many lactose-intolerant Filipinos as they contain a lot of whey — a dairy derivative. They can also be quite expensive.

So as far as your eating habits go, I would suggest a big helping of complex carbs and a bit of protein in the morning before your workout, and then straight after your workout (preferably within half an hour) have at least 30 grams of protein, and then another 30 at night before you sleep, as that is when your body is at rest and can do the most work on your torn muscles. Try and avoid too many carbs, even complex ones late at night before sleeping as you don’t need as much energy to burn whilst you sleep.

Lastly I suggest either stocking up on oatmeal and brown rice for your daily dose of energy. And if you do decide to load up on the camote, be kind enough to do it on weekends when you don’t have to go into work and make everywhere you go a fire safety no-smoking zone.

* * *

Send questions to question_marc@hotmail.com.