What men want

Marc,

What do guys really look at? When you ask them, they would say that physical beauty does not matter, but they would still look at pretty and sexy girls. So tell me, what do you guys really look at? —Tigress

I happened to ask a female friend if this was the way all girls think and she said, "I’m sorry to say this but guys are very visual creatures. Pretty hopeless really. Physical beauty matters a lot and if you’re not five ten with a 36C personality, then you best enter a nunnery."

That might be a little bit harsh, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. We all look at girls, and naturally, can’t help but have our eyes physically drawn to those we find attractive. This however doesn’t mean that once we get to know them we’ll actually want to stick around if their looks are the only thing going for them. We’re shallow, but not always that shallow.

Remember, we’re only human and this is not a distinctly male trait. I notice girls don’t spend a whole lot of time checking out the less appealing members of the male population. Phrases such as "Ohh! Brad Pitt was so hot in that movie" are common, whereas "Isn’t Gene Hackman a babe??" is not heard quite so often. Similarly, guys will more likely buy a magazine with Angelina Jolie on the cover than Roseanne Barr. This is because they are people we can appreciate from afar, but not interact with up close, so they get judged solely on their looks.

Translate that to the real world, and we see that we can be attracted to people’s looks if we don’t know them, but once we get the chance to see the inner person, we’ll realize the true extent of their beauty. Of course, a nice outer package is always a pleasant bonus.

In that respect, if you’re asking about physical specifics, i.e., what part of a girl does a guy check out, well, it differs for each individual. Some will look at the eyes, others are breast men, some have a penchant for long legs or a cute butt. One thing is fairly constant though. We all have slightly different tastes. I personally usually go for cute and petite over tall and glamorous. This being said, there are always the exceptions and those exceptions are often because of who you are, not what you look like.

My tip: Look your best not only to get noticed, but to feel confident about yourself and comfortable with being yourself. That way you’ll let your personality shine. Hook them with the looks, but reel them in with the personality. — Marc

* * * Married Man Meets Single Woman

Dear Marc,

I really like this girl that I have met recently....problem is that I’m married. What can I do? — Concerned

Ok, I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark here and assume that you’re male. If you are in fact female, then please write in again and we’ll discuss your gender issues.

So, like a lot of men, you have entered the sanctity of marriage, and are now having some not so sanctimonious thoughts. This in itself is no big surprise, nor a big problem...so long as they stay as mere thoughts that is. The trouble starts if you decide to act on those thoughts. And we’re not just talking the silent treatment and lousy coffee at the breakfast table. More along the lines of annulment papers and draino in the coffee (depending on your spouses pride and/or vengeful nature).

So you’ve met this girl, and you like her, she likes you etc. Are you sure that there is really something special about this person? Or could it be that you are craving some outside attention because the type you receive at home has become monotonous? If this is the case, maybe you can talk to your wife and see if you can spark things up again? Maybe a bit of after hours role playing? Doctors and nurses perhaps?

There is always the chance that this new girl is the woman of your dreams, your soulmate etc. If that is the case, then you’re in for a very hard ride, especially if you have kids. Try and think of your family before making any rash decisions, and keep in mind that the grass always seems greener on the other side. Maybe someone is looking at your relationship with your wife and wishing they could be in your shoes.

I suggest not trying to see this girl on the side, not only because there is a good chance you’ll get caught eventually, but also because your family is at stake. This girl may impress and excite you now, but does she have the same effect on you as your wife did before you got married? Remember all the good times with your wife and the history you share. You’ll often find that those memories will be hard to replace.

If you really can’t help your feelings, I still strongly advise against cheating. Better to get it out in the open and discuss it with your wife before doing anything stupid. If the love really has gone between the two of you...then maybe you can work out some mutual arrangement. Trust me, that may seem tough, but not nearly as tough as explaining yourself if you get caught being unfaithful. When in doubt, remember that "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"... especially when you deserve it. — Marc

* * * Abs Of Steel

Hi Marc!

I’m really having a hard time trying to be fit. I’m a college student and I’ve tried exercising but I have less time to work out. I’ve tried dieting but it didn’t work for me too... Do you know some exercises that would flatten my tummy and would require less of my time.... Thanks! More power to your column. — Chubby

I wish there were some secret exercises to keep in shape that took less time, but I’m afraid that’s wishful thinking. However, if you’re not getting your desired results, maybe you just need to adjust the diet and workout that you presently have. Not all workouts or diets work for different people. You need to find the one that works for you, not only in effectiveness, but also one you will stick to.

The most important thing to remember is commitment. Stay constant and don’t cheat. If you really do intend to lose weight, then that means no more cheat rules like "chocolates and cakes don’t count on weekends" or "no exercising on holidays." It may be tough, but there is some truth to the phrase "no pain, no gain."

As far as flattening your tummy, there is no way to "spot reduce" on your body. You can do 500 crunches every day and still not see your abs if you have a layer of fat over the top. The general rule about bodyfat is that the first place you gain it is the last place you’ll lose it. So if you get an extra roll around your stomach before anywhere else on your body gets chubby, then that’ll be the last to go no matter how much you work that particular part.

So maybe you need to adjust your diet some. Try cutting down drastically on your rice intake for starters. It’s painful, I know, but the results will show (try and keep it to just one cup a day maximum). Also cut out beer, sweets, softdrinks etc., and have very light meals in the evenings, maybe just some vinegrette salad. Better to have five or six small meals through the day than three large ones. Avoid all fatty and fried foods (there’s a reason they’re called "fatty"). Don’t keep anything in the house that will tempt you (evil snacks like chicharon and chips should be given to the neighbors you didn’t like that much anyway). Tell your friends to help you be strict about your diet so they can monitor you and remind you when you, ahem... "forget."

I know it’s hard to find time to hit the gym, but make time. Find one that’s close and convenient and fit it into your sched, whether before school, during that free class or after school. Make it a routine, and find someone to go with. Do lots of cardio and some weights as well to balance it out and speed up your metabolism.

This may all sound like a lot of hard work, and it is. However the benefits are well worth the effort. I have friends who have gone from overweight guys and girls who were made fun of at school to full on fitness machines! One even competed nationally.

There is a chance for everyone to get into shape, including you. Not only will you look better, but you’ll feel a thousand times better than the improvement in your outer appearance. The only disadvantage will be having to spend all that money on new clothes that don’t hang off your new physique. Pretty worthwhile investment don’t you think? — Marc

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Send questions to question_marc@hotmail.com.