The Anatomy of the Pinoy Barkada

They insult you straight to your face, but you’ll still love them anyway.

They’ve seen you in the worst of situations (as you wake up with morning crust and bad breath, totally drunk and wrecked, and devastatingly heartbroken bordering insanity), but they still love you anyway.

Through thick and thin, joys and pains, triumphs and defeats…you still all love each other anyway.

That’s you and your barkada.

They could, perhaps, be the local counterparts of Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe, but the irreverent jokes, casual spats, familiar intimacy, and undying loyalty are nonetheless there. Ah, the quintessential Filipino barkada–an amalgamation of different personalities, quirks, and backgrounds, all lumped together for a collective roller-coaster ride in that wonderful amusement park called youth.

For years, the term "barkada" meant comfort zone for young people. But for their parents, it’s usually the source of all "bad influence". Is the barkada really bad for you? Are elders just being judgmental (as if they didn’t have their own when they were younger)? How do we fit in without falling deep? Here are a few tips on how to choose the right one for you, how they can make you shine instead of go down the drain, and how the friendship can be built on respect and not pressure?

KNOW YOURSELF, KNOW YOUR GROUP

Yes, the Filipino barkada comes in many shapes and forms. They clutter the hallways and tambayans of every university and high school in the country. They drunkenly howl and gossip in every bar in the metropolis. You see them in every Saturday afternoon TV show, in every mall, and in virtually every advertising campaign targeting the youth. There are the jocks, ravers, thespians, nerds, popular kids, rebels, freaks, stoners, kikays, and Juan-and-Maria somebodies. To parents, the barkada means one thing: The metaphorical nail in the generation-gap coffin. To the Filipino youth, the barkada means a group of people who will accept you no matter what the circumstances…the closest people to their lives next to family (if not first).

To dissect the seemingly unbreakable shell of a Filipino barkada is to perhaps find the root of every youth’s problem: Identity. This may sound ‘easier said than done’ but if you know who you are, it becomes easier to find a group you’ll click with. As the cliché goes, "Birds of a feather flock together." You must find similarities in interests and personal traits. Otherwise, the temptation in getting into something you really don’t want to get into is higher. Read this: PEER PRESSURE!

TRY THIS, IT’S COOL

Oh, the most famous of all barkada issues is peer pressure. Some might adamantly state that they have never been victims of this, that they can think for themselves, and that their friends don’t need to tell them what to do. Two words to them: Yeah, right! Friends, especially one’s barkada, are vital people in a young person’s life. Their opinions and support do matter; how else could one explain the fact that we all run to them for advice?

I tried my first shot of tequila not because I wanted to, but because my friends were egging me on. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I poured salt in my Jose Cuervo, for crying out loud! This could perhaps be a ridiculous speck in the grander scheme of things; nonetheless, it wasn’t my proudest hour. It was one of those times when that so-called backbone I was so proud of was suddenly yanked out of my system.

Jake, an 18-year old college freshman, relates: "I started smoking pot at 15. All my friends were lighting up, so I decided to do so as well. We all got caught together. Up to now, we still smoke out." With drugs and alcohol down pat, what about sex? That, my dears, is no exception. Barkada movies like American Pie revolve around the subject of who-did-it, -who and -what. It’s practically scientifically-proven. There are research studies that say the youth learns most about sex from their friends. Intimate conversations among all-female friends would have stories on their greatest-sex-ever, their most embarrassing make-out moments, and the like. Diane, a 19-year old college sophomore, says, "I think my friends and I talk about sex pretty often. I don’t know if it was because of peer pressure, but I did it with my first boyfriend because I was definitely curious. I wanted to know if what my friends were saying was true."

But contrary to the negative connotations that the phrase may have, peer-pressure is not necessarily the "most awful thing to happen to teenagers since rock ’n roll." Pressure from the right peers can lead to good things such as involvement in sports, excelling in school, and helping out in charity. Lisa explains, "My friends Rachel and Nica were actively involved in planning something for Habitat for Humanity. They asked us if we wanted to join. At first, none of us wanted to. It was Christmas time and we just wanted to relax. But they told us that building houses for the poor was the least we could to thank God for all the blessings we had. Everyone in my barkada went."

Same thing for David, a former slacker-turned-ace student. "I know this sounds really weird, but I think my friends actually influenced me to study, though I’ll never admit it to their face. I’d get embarrassed when I would get the lowest grade among them, so I thought, hey, it wouldn’t hurt to hit the books."

It’s good on one hand, and bad on the other. The most important thing is to have the capability to be able to stand your ground. Within you, already know what’s right and wrong. Put it in your memory bank. And when the occasion calls for it, open the account for some checking.

ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Every single person in your clique has the same shirt (in different colors), since you guys all purchased it together. Then it extends to hairstyle and accessories. Then you begin talking alike, acting alike, and thinking alike. Congratulations! You and your barkada have totally bypassed the need for scientific cloning.

Gina, a college junior, can relate. She used to be part of an extremely close clique in her high-school days. They would buy the exact same swimsuits; they each had the exact same pencil case, adorned with identical sticker-pictures and floral decals. "Hey, we even wore the same damn costume in Halloween," she points out. "Now that I look back and I truly want to kick myself for it. I looked like a sheep blindly following the others. I didn’t have a mind of my own."

Cloning extends to a barkada’s psyche…so much so that each one could practically read everyone else’s mind. As Patty, a college senior, says, "It’s amazing how we all have the same outlook and the same views on life. It definitely is a beautiful thing to bond with friends on deeper issues such as love, life goals, and dreams. It certainly is comforting to know that in this crazy world of opposing views, ideas, lifestyles and cultures, you have people on whom you can rely to share your own perspectives and opinions on different matters."

But, as Tessa, also a college senior, states, "I think the biggest downside to having a close group of friends is that you have to shut up when you think contrary to what they’re thinking." Mark, a college junior, found himself starting a heated argument when he said that he was pro-Erap. "My friends had passionate anti-Estrada views and they really got on my case for thinking that way."

Christine was ostracized from her close-knit group of "photocopies" (as she would call them) when her parents split up. The pain from that betrayal is evident in her voice, which cracks as she relates the story. "They were all basically conservative girls. They’re religious and went to mass every day. I first found that admirable because they seemed very steadfast in their faith. But when my parents separated, they couldn’t believe that I actually did not do anything to stop them. I expected them to help me through this tough time, but they were the first ones to turn on me. I couldn’t believe what was happening."

THE HAVES AND THE HAVE-NOTS

"I remember one afternoon when my friends and I were just hanging out playing video games," recalls Carla, a college sophomore. "Someone brought up the summer and what we could all do together as a barkada. A friend of mine suggested that we all go to the States and visit Disneyland. Everyone thought that was a great idea, and the topic got people excited. But I felt so left out of the conversation. I kept thinking, ‘What about me?’"

Carla’s family was not as well off as her friends’, she admits; and yes, she sometimes does get jealous. "I know this sounds really shallow," she says, "but I actually sometimes feel resentment towards my friends. They love me and I love them, that’s a given. But when one of them starts talking about the new lipstick she bought, or the trip she took last summer to Europe, I feel like shutting them up."

While true friendship goes way beyond material possessions, having a barkada does not necessarily do. A barkada, clique, gang, or posse entail something else: A sense of belonging. When one member cannot keep up with the rest of the group in some aspect, whether it’s material possessions or career advancement, he or she could end up feeling inadequate or insecure.

However, this still could have its positive effects on people. Remember what happened to David, the former slacker-turned-ace student? Nicole, a working professional, recalls how she finally got her lazy butt to exercise. "My friends and I went bikini shopping. They all looked amazing. I looked like a sausage. I finally decided to work out on my own so I could look as good and as healthy as they did."

Thing is, we all try to keep up. There’s nothing wrong with that. Haven’t we heard the term "aspirational"? But we all have our limitations and friends are meant to understand that. If they don’t, then need you ask, "Are they really my friends?"

UNITED WE STAND

A barkada will always fight; they will always have issues to face and obstacles to overcome. The important thing to remember though, when dealing with your own, is that you are more than just a clique. You are friends. "The best part about having a barkada is definitely the support group," says Tessa.

Miguel, a college sophomore, agrees, "The great thing about having friends is the forgiveness and the acceptance that grows each rare moment you guys fight." Issues such as peer pressure, cloning or jealousy are mere tests of friendships, a reaffirmation of your love and respect for each other. And when you get together for the nth time when you are old and gray, you will certainly look back at those "silly problems" and will realize that, indeed, it was all part of being young and growing up.