Criminal Cupid
February 18, 2002 | 12:00am
To be romantically relevant, Attys. Argee Guevarra and Honey Oliveros refrained from accepting marriage annulment cases on Valentine’s Day. After all, the Court’s Rouge Romeo and Jologs Juliet vowed to spend time together on the dining table to celebrate their twisted kind of love for each other.
Don’t get kinky, though. Spending time for the two didn’t take long -- 60 seconds to be exact -- as love for your Attorneys With An Attitude meant loving to have each other’s guts, always at each other’s expense and preferably for snacks.
Pondering about resurrecting his isaw business, Argee brought along a barbeque stick to carry out a plan to skewer Honey’s guts. But Honey came just as prepared as she flashed him her lethal weapons -- a fork and a knife -- with which she used to cut wide open Argee’s chest in order to find out if he has a heart.
What happened next was pretty much a surreal scene from Ally McBeal as it was from E.R. Honey was shocked to see that Argee had a heart (which beats for a certain Ciara Marasigan). On the other hand, Argee was similarly shocked to know that Honey really didn’t have the stomach to feast on him in Hannibalistic cuisine. And so, Argee and Honey avoided further bloodshed and inevitably found themselves in a tight embrace, more like a Russian Bear Hug, in a bid to squeeze dear life out of each other.
After minutes of this gripping, breathless body-lock, the magistrates of mayhem got bored and decided to end their perennial struggle for mutual murder and climactically buried the stick and knife in each other’s backs -- OUCH and ARAY!!! But consider it a crime of passion, which nevertheless, is in fashion during this time of year. Valentine’s Day could be as gruesome as it could ever be more than what most people think.
Just contemplate on how Valentine’s Day itself boasts of a brutal beginning. Court archives reveal that Valentine was a priest near Rome in about the year 270 A.D. During the reign of Claudius II, the Roman Emperor issued an edict forbidding marriage at a time when the empire witnessed a shrinking of its territories due to persistent attacks by the barbarians.
Claudius felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, would not make good soldiers and guarantee that they marched of to battle without much emotional baggage to weigh heavily upon their spirit of combat, the emperor banned marriage. Valentine, a bishop, seeing the trauma of young lovers, met them in a secret place and joined them in the sacrament of holy matrimony.
Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers" and promptly had him arrested. The emperor, impressed with the young priest’s dignity and conviction, attempted to convert him to the roman gods to save him from certain execution. Valentine refused to recognize Roman gods and even attempted to convert the emperor. Knowing the consequences fully, Valentine was executed some time between February 14 to February 24, 270 A.D.
(To be continued)
Don’t get kinky, though. Spending time for the two didn’t take long -- 60 seconds to be exact -- as love for your Attorneys With An Attitude meant loving to have each other’s guts, always at each other’s expense and preferably for snacks.
Pondering about resurrecting his isaw business, Argee brought along a barbeque stick to carry out a plan to skewer Honey’s guts. But Honey came just as prepared as she flashed him her lethal weapons -- a fork and a knife -- with which she used to cut wide open Argee’s chest in order to find out if he has a heart.
What happened next was pretty much a surreal scene from Ally McBeal as it was from E.R. Honey was shocked to see that Argee had a heart (which beats for a certain Ciara Marasigan). On the other hand, Argee was similarly shocked to know that Honey really didn’t have the stomach to feast on him in Hannibalistic cuisine. And so, Argee and Honey avoided further bloodshed and inevitably found themselves in a tight embrace, more like a Russian Bear Hug, in a bid to squeeze dear life out of each other.
After minutes of this gripping, breathless body-lock, the magistrates of mayhem got bored and decided to end their perennial struggle for mutual murder and climactically buried the stick and knife in each other’s backs -- OUCH and ARAY!!! But consider it a crime of passion, which nevertheless, is in fashion during this time of year. Valentine’s Day could be as gruesome as it could ever be more than what most people think.
Just contemplate on how Valentine’s Day itself boasts of a brutal beginning. Court archives reveal that Valentine was a priest near Rome in about the year 270 A.D. During the reign of Claudius II, the Roman Emperor issued an edict forbidding marriage at a time when the empire witnessed a shrinking of its territories due to persistent attacks by the barbarians.
Claudius felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, would not make good soldiers and guarantee that they marched of to battle without much emotional baggage to weigh heavily upon their spirit of combat, the emperor banned marriage. Valentine, a bishop, seeing the trauma of young lovers, met them in a secret place and joined them in the sacrament of holy matrimony.
Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers" and promptly had him arrested. The emperor, impressed with the young priest’s dignity and conviction, attempted to convert him to the roman gods to save him from certain execution. Valentine refused to recognize Roman gods and even attempted to convert the emperor. Knowing the consequences fully, Valentine was executed some time between February 14 to February 24, 270 A.D.
(To be continued)
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