What makes a ladies' man?(Part II)

Just as men in general want to be the ultimate problem solvers in areas such as mundane domestic nuisances, unfortunate mechanical occurrences and geographical dilemmas, women want to nurture, complete and be considered necessary by such a seemingly inaccessible creature. So they plunge head first in a romance and despite all the trials and tribulations that she may undergo in attempting to thaw his steely heart...the words "I Love You" are never uttered.

He is a fox and not a dog. What makes a ladies’ man different from the greasy creep is that he gives no promises, no false hopes, in fact he does not give anything beyond his flawless manners and sparkling astuteness. This makes him more gripping and desirable. He does not deceive; your relationship is based on the present. He makes his past more intriguing and your future with him a must. He is not necessarily a tease because he does fulfill his duties in one way or another. However, it’s that innate emotional detachment incongruously coupled by his raw passion as an individual that makes you want more and more of him. Since he gives so little, you are only too happy to fetch whatever scraps of emotion he has to give.

He is an enigma. Despite your long hours of conversation, he drips just enough personal and intimate hints, for you to thirst for more. Just like a gifted chef knows how to drizzle enough truffle oil in a cream pasta, he knows when to stop before it stinks. He presents himself as a god with a light human touch.

Of course, since the glamour of being with such a ladies’ man is paramount, he makes excellent arm candy. He can make you into a star. Case in point: JFK Jr. to Carolyn Bessette. To be the crux of envy among women is actually a delicious experience. However, its heady delirium does have an expiration date. The fun ends when every coronia-painted talon in town threatens your safety and reputation. Beware of gossip, Astring-o-sol being splashed on your face, bad press pictures and dead flowers on your doorstep.

The ladies’ man is oft dismissive when it comes to such strikes. He’s used to it, of course, and he prefers to remain neutral. After all your nemesis may be his bed mate, the next week. So in addition to having a stiletto army against you, you have an emotionally unavailable but sexually accessible man to curb.

There are countless urban legends that tell about the ultimate taming of the shrew – where a lady killer pulls the plug on his career of seduction and plays the golden boyfriend. Then again, this may be like communism – better in concept than in practice. Remember what drew you to him was his inaccessibility. Now that you have him... what next? Or when will the thrill of the chase be the marathon of death? We are human after all, and there is a point where the pursuit of the impossible loses it rosy appeal.

Whatever it is, an intense romance that fizzles out in the end should never be remembered with regret. Make it a cautionary tale, an educational experience. You become shaken, traumatized even. However, remember that the human spirit has survived countless wars, scandals and the ’80s fashion nightmare. So never doubt the resiliency of the heart and the will. After clearing out of the fog of defeat, enlightenment comes in its most concrete form. You suddenly become wiser, less utopist and more sophisticated, emotionally speaking. You learn that the person you have to save is not the cold and unresponsive cad in a tux but you. Several years from now when you are fulfilled with a family and a career, you’ll see the slick fox you once loved seduce 17-year-old ingenues in seedy bars. You learn to appreciate the good boy who brings you home to mom and cooks you dinner on weekends. Just like how the turtle had the last laugh over the confident rabbit, nice boys really do win in the game of love.

(Tomorrow: Who fits the bill of a "ladies’ man"?)