On Kids, Kissing and Sexual Purity
My family and I attended the wedding of two of our former co-missionaries yesterday (October 30, Wednesday). We were sitting at the back in case our baby started being fussy. Our kids were quiet during the Mass (well, sort of), when suddenly our four-year-old turned to me and said, "When will they kiss? I want to see them kiss, Mama!"
Needless to say, I was quite surprised and amused at what she said. As parents, we try to talk to our kids openly about things like kissing and why people get married and other related topics, but on an age-appropriate level of course. We try to teach them that kissing is best done only between married couples as a way of introducing them to the concept of purity.
So what was my reply to her? "Later, at the end of the Mass. They will already be married then."
When the Mass was almost over, she and her brother asked me, "Can we see them kiss now?"
So I quietly brought them to stand where they could see the happy young couple, and when the priest came to the "You may kiss the bride" part, they eagerly stood on tiptoe to try to see the groom kiss his bride. They were both happy to witness their tito and tita's first kiss as newlyweds.
Why am I sharing this with you, dear readers?
Well, this incident reminded me again about the importance of being there for our kids especially when they have "tough questions," and about the need for us parents to talk to our kids about real "issues" such as purity and preparing oneself for one's vocation -- whether it’s to get married or not. I was also reminded of a post I wrote two years ago on my blog, a few days before my eldest turned five. It was titled "Sexual purity begins at 7."
Now that our son is already seven, I found myself reading that post again, and the pointers given by Dannah Gresh, who wrote an article of the same title on Crosswalk.com. It was actually her article that inspired me to write my blog post.
Allow me to share with you Dannah’s pointers for encouraging our kids to pursue purity.
First of all, parents need to talk about sex with their kids. Yes, YOU need to. Make sure it’s a healthy, age-appropriate conversation that is aligned with your values. Dannah cites experts that say that sexual value formation begins when a child is between 8 to 10 years old.
If you need pointers on how to do this, there are various resources available on the Internet. I cited a few in the blog post I mentioned earlier. My husband and I have not had the "sex talk" with our kids (well, for our son, he will be the one to do it), but we have talked to them a bit about where babies come from, primarily because they have asked us questions before. We always try to inject our values and the teaching of our Catholic faith during such conversations.
Next, Dannah suggests parents should establish their family philosophy on dating. Kids these days are already teased about having boyfriends and girlfriends as early as preschool! It doesn’t help, too, that the media our kids are exposed to -- including those seemingly "harmless" shows they watch on TV, like Gravity Falls and Johnny Bravo, have characters who date, flirt or pursue people of the opposite sex.
As parents, we need to teach our kids the importance of relating to kids of the opposite sex as friends, not boyfriends or people with whom they can have a relationship in the future. We need to be counter-culture and teach them to start dreaming of their future -- a dream of purity, of seeking their God-given vocations, and, if they are called to such, of using God’s beautiful gift of sex within the context of a committed life-long relationship: marriage.
Let’s train our children to not settle for anything less than this. It may be a great challenge but with God’s grace, prayers, planning (oh yes, we need to plan about these things), and the help of others -- especially more experienced parents with strong values -- we can do it.
What are your thoughts about kids and purity? I’d love to know! Email me at tina@trulyrichmom.com or send me a Tweet @tinasrodriguez.
