Gee, it's impossible!

Howdy!

With this year's Halloween already in the books and the Christmas season approaching annoyingly fast, sports personalities are now busy, knocking hard on Santa's door to make their wish come true.

Some wish for good health, others for fame and fortune.

The funny thing is that most of them wish for something very impossible – including our featured letter sender for this week.

His wish? To have an NBA player – I repeat: AN NBA PLAYER – play for Smart Gilas in the 2013 Fiba Asia Men's Championships. Wait, before you laugh your ass off, thinking that it's like catching salmons in the vastness of Sahara desert, why don't we read his letter and analyze what was on his mind when he drafted his Christmas wish.

Talking about drafting an early Christmas wish, another letter-sender sent his mail to Santa a tad early and had his wish granted even before advent starts. He, however, wrote to me, asking whether it was due to some sort of a poetic justice or simply out of sheer luck.

All that and more in this week's action-packed edition of Dear Brutus.

(And as always, the answers are real; the questions were fabricated)

***

Dear Brutus,

I am a rookie college coach who looked promising except in the waning moments of the championship series against a collegiate powerhouse. I messed up – big time!

Okay, to give you an idea; in Game One, I lost my composure and was sent to the showers ahead of everybody, leaving my young team scrambling for leadership and direction. I simply lost my cool. The one-sided officiating, as I call it, got into my head.

Then in Game Two – a game that could have shaped my coaching career – I was heavily outcoached by my seasoned counterpart who is way older than me. In the end, I failed to call a timeout that could have given me the chance to douse cold water into our foes' scorching rally.

Oh well, just charge it to experience.

Brutus, what lies ahead? Do you honestly think that coaching is really meant for me?

Still couldn't get over the loss,

T.R. of C.M. Recto, Manila

Dear T.R. of C.M. Recto, Manila

Topex Robinson, I was watching your championship series against San Beda College live in the comforts of my living room, and I almost hurled our flower vase into the screen after seeing you commit one coaching blunder after another.

You were very nervous.

And you compounded it by being over-reacting, contesting every single call as if the entire series depends on it. Yes, the Red Lions were probably the most talented and wealthiest team in the NCAA, but you planted an "us-against-the-world" mentality into your players, forcing them to self-destruct and collapse with every heart-breaking San Beda basket.

If you were handling the Michigan Wolverines led by the fiery Chris Webber, you might have been successful.

But no.

The last time I checked, you were handling the San Sebastian Golden Stags led by the emotional Calvin Abueva.

Sure, you took over as a last-minute replacement when the old man, Turo Valenzona, was betrayed by his heath. But instead of immediately mapping out the X's and O's, you should have given yourself some time to pause, breathe and study your players' strengths and tendencies inside the court.

Abueva, for instance, played like a one-man wolf pack, hitting the kids from Mendiola with a flurry of cheap shots that further fired them up. Ronald Pascual thought he was a Russian assassin, peppering the Red Lions with bricks, bricks and more bricks each time he handles the leather. Ian Sangalang, meanwhile, got drowned in the league's grandest stage and was nowhere to be found offensively.

It was mediocre basketball at its finest.

But don't worry, Topex, at 32, bright future looms ahead of you. Take the opportunity you have as an assistant coach at Alaska to sharpen your coaching skills and learn at the feet of the country's finest mentors. Your former boss, Tim Cone, is the author of Filipino-style Triangle Offense while your current boss, Joel Banal, is one of the best motivators and defensive coaches in the business so treat them as gurus and always keep a paper and a pen in your pocket every time you go to work.

Grab the opportunity, Topex. Put the ugly episode behind. There's a lot more to come – believe me.

Always be patient,

Brutus

***

Dear Brutus,

I know this time, you've already heard the news that we're planning to tap Washington Wizards' JaVale McGee as our naturalized reinforcement in the 2013 Fiba Asia Championships – the gateway to the 2014 World Championships.

I know it sounds funny, but yes – with Manny Pangilinan's deep pocket, anything is possible.

I don't want to sound confident or convince you to believe me. After all, in our previous engagement, McGee just served as a minor star in a constellation of supernovas led by Derick Rose, Chris Paul and Kevin Durant with Kobe Bryant serving as the sun.

Then last week, McGee came back and issued his willingness to play for us.

Do you think he's worth it? Or would he be another head case, knowing that he is just a kid trapped inside a seven-foot frame?

Giddy and excited,

A.P. of Makati City

Dear A.P. of Makati City,

Al Panlilio, we all know that with the labor dispute in the NBA light-years away from being resolved, it is now an open season for leagues all over the world to enlist legitimate NBA players. Apart from serving as main attraction to boost gate receipts, they would also bolster their respective national team in the international arena.

If you know Serge Ibaka and the Spanish national team, or Chris Kaman and the German national team, you know what I'm talking about.

But Al, please remember that the Philippines is no Spain or Germany. We are a third-world country. Your boss Manny Pangilinan is a mere dwarf compared to Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov and other European big shots.

Okay, for the sake of conversation, let's pretend that things suddenly fell into place and, out of sheer love for the Filipinos, McGee signed a two-year contract with us and the Congress quickly approved his naturalization, removing all the roadblocks for him to suit up for Smart Gilas in the 2013 Fiba Men's Championships.

Of course, like what you did when Kobe and his gang barnstormed Manila, you wouldn't disclose the amount of the contract. But for sure, it is significant. Very significant.

Then one day, there was a call from Washington. Ted Leonsis, the Wizards' billionaire owner who is quite richer than Pangilinan, and president Ernie Grunfeld were on the other line, seeking for an audience with you and other executives of the MVP Sports Foundation.

The agenda: JaVale McGee.

Yes, they have allowed McGee to suit up for us, but they want to make sure that he won't get hurt in the process. After all, they are coughing out a fortune for his salary, something to the tune of $2,462,399 or more than P105 million for this year. Next year, when the thick of the Fiba Asia preparation arrives, he is set to make $3,494,144 or more than P150 million.

Leonsis and Grunfeld want to have a $500,000 or more than P21 million insurance for McGee. And given his penchant for dunking and a pair of wobbly knees, the amount is sufficient enough to calm them down. In fact, it is also the same amount that Milwaukee is asking Australia before Andrew Bogut plays for them in the London Olympics next year.

The amount surrounding McGee was so staggering that it could almost cover the entire year-long program of Smart Gilas!

Now, back to reality: Do you think Pangilinan – the savvy businessman who made an empire out of meager resources – would spend that much just for one player without any assurance that we would top the competition over countries with NBA benchwarmers but jell perfectly with their coaches and teammates.

Remember: Unlike our hardworking naturalized import Marcus Douthit, McGee is a performer. He is a showboat. He loves to get the crowd involved. And the reason why he was denied of a slot to join the US National Team twice in 2009 and 2010 despite his insane athleticism was because of his failure to play disciplined basketball under Mike Krzeywski's complicated system.

Now, look at the mirror and ask yourself: Are we ready to roll the dice?

I don't think so.

Cheers,

Brutus

***

Dear Brutus,

Things happen for a reason – especially in basketball.

Why? Because when Norman Black slammed the door on my ambition to be part of the RP Team headed for the SEA Games, a wide window of opportunity had opened as the LA Slam of the ABA invited me to work with its guys for six weeks.

Six weeks – six freaking weeks with former Lakers Mike Penberthy, Tony Farmer and some of the best dribblers in SoCal. It would be fun, definitely. 

Brutus, do you think fate has something to do with it? I was asking you this because coach Black, no matter how respected he is, didn't pick me, or even gave me a mere invite to be part of the RP Team despite my achievements in the NCAA. Was it because I'm not good, or because I am not an Atenean like Kiefer Ravena, Greg Slaughter, Eman Monfort and Nico Salva?

But at any rate, I'm just so glad with the opportunity. I hope I could make it to the NBA someday. Haha… just kidding.

Still in Cloud 9,

K.A. of Intramuros, Manila

Dear K.A. of Intramuros, Manila,

I know how you feel and I'm so proud that you are just few inches away from achieving what Ravena, Ray Parks and Japeth Aguilar could only lust on in their wildest fantasy: To play in big-time international tournament in the States.

Sure, the American Basketball Association is just a minor league composed so many teams scattered all over the US. But it is still a good breeding ground of talent. Whatever you wish to call it, the ABA is still the ABA, and you cannot get the quality of training it offers to whatever kind of scrimmage and pickup game you'll play here – be it the NCAA or a typical street ball.

Kevin, you're fortunate for having this kind of opportunity. I'm sure your dad, Louie, is very proud. This is a once-in-a blue moon chance so please take good care of it. Use it as a tool to sharpen your knife so the next time you cross sword with the boys from Ateneo, Black would scratch his head, realizing that you – yes, you – was the one who got away.

Stay hungry and play nasty, brotha.

Keep on shooting,

Brutus

PS: Please do not cry over Norman Black's decision not to invite you for the SEA Games. Your slot at the two-spot is already gone. And it went to Black's fair-haired boy – a guy whose name is Chris Tiu.