On being 'trying hard'

It annoys me when a trendy girl gets criticized for being “trying hard” – local slang for someone who’s seeking acceptance and approval, socially and fashionably speaking. The “trying hard” label is normally used in the context of style, especially when a person experiments with a different look. Of course, every now and then, it’s slapped onto a celebrity branching out to a different talent (e.g. singing), or to someone who’s attempting to climb the social ladder. For the sake of this article, let’s limit the discussion to “trying hard” stylistically.

Photo from here

Dressing up in this country is a lose-lose situation. Girls get criticized when they don’t put effort into their look, yet they become the target of disparaging comments when they dress a little enthusiastically.  I think that the trying hard label is partly why many Filipinos are still afraid to experiment with their personal style. Nobody wants to be accused of climbing the social ladder or pretending to live beyond their means when all they want is a more interesting wardrobe.

The only times I’ve been called “trying hard” was when I spoke to the wrong people in English (which is really dumb because I’ve been speaking English all my life). I don’t know if people called me “trying hard” behind my back when I started venturing into fashion blogging but if they have, I honestly don’t care. I dress up for myself, and I never buy trendy brands just to be accepted by fellow fashionistas. Compliments for my stylistic choices are only an added bonus. Over the years, however, I discovered that there are things that might trigger the “masyado kang trying hard” alarm, whether or not you do mean to “try hard.”

• Using replica designer handbags
• Dressing up for the specific purpose of getting compliments
• Wearing clothes and accessories that don’t fall into your usual style
• Creating looks that you think are over-the-top and showy

Except for buying replica designer handbags, all these things I mentioned are normal and sometimes necessary for the growth of one’s personal style. However, girls who worry about being “trying hard” usually have to deal with judgmental coworkers, critical friends, or other people who make them feel insecure for wearing the “wrong” things. Dealing with this sort of criticism on a daily basis can definitely drag a girl’s self-confidence down. In a supportive or neutral social group, flashy outfits still get discussed, but nobody judges the clothes for being “good” or “bad.” In this environment, this sort of experimentation will be encouraged because style is viewed as a form of self-expression; the stylistic change is treated as a point of interest rather than a threat. But when exposed to a harsh, judgmental environment, a girl who rocks the boat stylistically is made to feel doubt, self-consciousness, and fear for going against the grain.

The only way to overcome concerns about “trying hard” is to develop a thick skin (kapal ng mukha) and wear your clothes with confidence. If you have vocal friends or coworkers to contend with, try edging into your new style one piece at a time. Wear a new pair of shoes or accessories that might be seen as “trying hard” together with your regular clothes, then venture on to a whole new outfit once you feel confident enough. Deflect their comments by being a sport and laughing along with them. Doing so acknowledges that you’re doing something different, but that you won’t apologize or feel bad for your taste or style.

Now if no one but your internal critic is telling you off for trying out new styles, here’s what you can do: fake it. Wear clothes that are normally too bold or fashionable for your tastes, and act like you totally rock the look. Stand tall and smile at yourself whenever you pass by a mirror. You don’t have to do this every day, but it helps if you try out this exercise at least once a week. With time, you’ll learn to feel as confident as you look, and your fears of being “trying hard” will disappear – especially if you have supportive friends who shower you with compliments and adore your new style.