To be the best parent, be the best child you can be

Last weekend was another memorable one for me. My sister and her husband are here in Manila for a visit, and Papa called for a family meeting, as is the usual case whenever we are complete (i.e., physically present in one location.)

You see, in the Santiago family, meetings like these are a tradition of sorts. When we were younger, these would be the times when Papa and Mama would discuss with us their plans for our family, in words we could understand. When we got older, especially when we had families of our own, they became a venue for us to update one another about our lives, and our future plans.

So last weekend, we had our family meeting, and it was nice to hear from my parents and siblings again. It was also quite sobering, because Papa and Mama touched on how they were preparing their “estate” for us, in case anything should happen to them. I realized then again how precious life is, and how I wish and pray that the Lord would grant my parents more years on this planet. I could not imagine how my initial years as a wife and mom would have been if they had not been there to support, encourage and pray for my husband and I. I will forever be grateful to them for everything they have taught me.

My parents on their wedding day

My own wedding day, with my parents, siblings, and my nieces and nephew

My parents were there when I became a parent myself. We were together in East Timor for four years as a missionary family.

After the meeting, my siblings and I had a “date” sans our spouses and kids. We ended up having dinner at a quaint little place called Nomnomnom in Quezon City. We enjoyed the great-tasting food, but more than that, we relished reminiscing our childhood days together. We talked about Brunei, old flames, baduy trends (remember the socks and slippers trend way back in the 90s I think?!), movies we liked, TV shows we wish were still aired, songs that were of significance to us, etc.

But most of all, we talked about our parents. We recalled how they raised us, disciplined us, molded us. We remembered how they loved us unconditionally, and continue to love us today. We realized how blessed their grandchildren are because of their constant love and support. Our parents may be imperfect, and there were definitely times when they hurt us, but we wouldn’t trade them for anyone in the world.

My siblings and I at Nomnomnom

That evening became another opportunity for me to reflect on who I am as a parent. I realized that I am so far from being the mother that I want to be (beside my mom, I pale in comparison!). Yet, I have hope. Knowing that my parents only did the best they could to raise us, I am affirmed that, for the moment, hubby and I are doing the best we can, though there is much room for improvement of course.

I have blogged before about being an imperfect parent and although I have been trying my best to be more loving, gentle, patient and kind in my actions, thoughts, and words, I have been falling short a lot lately. I often question myself about my competence to be the mother of my two children. I know that I am far from being the mom that my children deserve.

Me with Tim, my little knight in shining armor, and Rysse, my little angel

During one of those trying days, after the yaya’s abrupt departure and I found myself struggling to juggle housework, caring for the kids, and meeting deadlines, I ended up posting this on Facebook: "Lord, am I doing justice at all to the tasks, roles and responsibilities you have given me? Please do affirm me somehow. And may You be glorified in all I do, even if I do them imperfectly and incompletely."

He answered me right away through the FB message of one of my dearest Ates and mentors during my years in Youth for Christ-UP Manila (thank you Ate Josette! I heart you!). Here’s part of what she wrote (I modified it a bit though):

“Tins, I feel your discouragement...I pray God would speak to you in it. I feel somewhat akin to what you're going through and have been meaning to write you.”

“Have you read 'I Believe in Love'? It's a book based on a retreat based on the teachings of St. Therese. It's such a blessing for me. Our confessor/spiritual director pointed out that... it's not our goal to be the best mom. Our goal is to be the best child of God we can be...the rest follows. He even said that being the best mom could get in the way of being the best child of God...because you won't need God.”

I felt like I was hit by a bolt of lightning after reading this. I realized that I hadn’t been doing my best to be the best child of God I could be. With Holy Week coming up, I know that this is God’s way of calling me back to Him. No matter how busy my day can be, I should spend some time just being a child - His child. More than being my parents’ daughter, I am God’s “little girl.” I need to soak in my Father’s love, patience, kindness and gentleness so that I can share it with my own kids.

Be the best child that you can be

This video that I saw while I was doing research for a script I wrote the other day is a perfect representation of how God is our faithful Father. I really ended up in tears after watching it! I hope it inspires you just as much as it inspired me. It also made me realize how my own parents have been a strong, constant force in my life.

Gary Valenciano's 'When I Hear You Call'

At the end of our lives, what will matter most is not how successful we were with the roles that were given to us, but how faithful we were to being God’s child. I need to tell myself that every day.

P.S. There are several Lenten recollections coming up that you may want to check out. These will be the perfect venues for us to be reminded about how it is to be a child of God. Try checking out the list I compiled here. If you won’t be able to attend a retreat physically, you may also want to check out the list of online retreats here.