What really makes it more fun in the Philippines

Yes, we’ve all seen the ads. The billboards and memes sprouting up everywhere. The clever visuals promoting Philippine destinations. Tourism Secretary Ramon Jimenez Jr. can obviously sell more than Champs and Chicken Joy, because people are starting to get the message.

I’m a little different, though. I’ve been here long enough to already know about the pristine beaches and exotic destinations. So for me, the major selling point is what makes it “more funny in the Philippines.”

Like senators taking a last swing toward the fences with a senti music video as they prepare for arrest. Like famous boxers whose mom can manage to throw a hex on her son’s opponent in the middle of Las Vegas. Like TV stars who boast they can “buy you, your friends, and this club!” when they’re displeased with non-fans.

That’s the kind of stuff that makes it “more funny in the Philippines.”

But since this is a travel article, I will settle for things that make it more “fun” to be here. Don’t worry, there’s enough to go around.

Bagiuo. Ever since first visiting this City of the Pines up north in Benguet, I’ve felt a strong American connection. Could be those imported pines, or the former American retreat built here, Camp John Hay. Sure, there are fewer pine trees visible these days, but Bagiuo is — literally — a breath of fresh air compared to Metro Manila. A five- to six-hour drive takes you through winding Kennon Road overlooking some of the Philippines’ finest scenery. The city itself is a hive of coffee shops, ukay-ukay (bargain stalls) and fresh markets. Then there’s BenCab’s awesome museum set like a jewel in the hills near Session Road. There’s a reason this became the Philippines’ go-to retreat: you can regain your sanity here.

Boracay. The place that put Philippine beaches on the map has still got it. The beach itself may attract more swampy seaweed, and the super-white powered sand is not quite the same shade as it was when I first visited here 20 years ago; but Boracay keeps on reinventing itself. What once relied on mere stunning physical beauty now adorns itself with trinkets and malls and endless thumping parties. Boracay has become a lifestyle more than simply a perfect beach. The lifestyle is the promise of endless summer, and more and more people flock there each year — now from Russia, China, Korea as well as in-the-know Europeans. Is it the same Boracay it was decades ago? Only if you squint your eyes and imagine the paradise lying beneath all the hubbub.

 Palawan. Boracay may be the “bright lights, big city” beach destination, but for pure heavenly exploration, you must take in all of Palawan, the island province lying west of Luzon in the Sulu Sea. With dozens of excellent locations — from Puerto Princesa and Club Paradise to nature preserve Calauit and rustic Coron, to the El Nido properties recently acquired by Ayala Land Corporation — Palawan brings you an authentic experience of real life in the Philippines. Locals are laid-back, not profit-obsessed, perhaps happy in the knowledge that they live in a pretty beautiful place. Hope it stays that way.

Bohol. Besides the historical marker that every visitor must see — the statue commemorating the “Blood Compact” between tribal leaders and the Spanish in Tagbilaran City — there are lots of scenic attractions in Bohol. Take the Loboc River cruise if you’re into touristy serenading by local musicians and dancers; or, if you’re from the 21st century, try renting an ATV (three-wheeled motorcycle) and blasting around the base of the famous Chocolate Hills. It puts a different perspective on the mounds of limestone that have developed in this once-underwater area of Central Visayas. Or check out a firefly cruise on the Loay River, a perfect way to take in not just nature but the blanket of stars overhead. Of course, Bohol is still known for its tarsiers, and though viewing is restricted by cages and flash photography is forbidden, they’re still a natural wonder to behold.

Ilocos Norte. Say what you will about “Marcos Country,” but this province at the top of Luzon boasts some of the country’s best surfing, features the Marcos-built beachfront Ilocondria Hotel, which is kind of unique, not to mention the “unofficial Malacañang,” a narra fortress/palace that reminds us of the rarefied existence of the Philippines’ most infamous president. For those into historical landmarks, there’s the iconic Paoay Church and the Sinking Bell Tower in Laoag City. And of course, if you’re in Batac City, you’ve got to visit the Marcos Mausoleum. The embalmed body of the Philippines’ Strong Man has now been kept in a glass case inside a refrigerated room for a quarter of a century. Check it out before the Philippines government changes its mind about burying him.

Banaue. Far north in Ifugao province is this mountain setting, famous for its manmade rice terraces, now a UNESCO World Heritage Site. You’ll have to overlook the obvious poverty of this region — or instead take it in and experience it — in order to appreciate the beauty of the surroundings. Not an easy trip — planes won’t land there because of the mountains, so you’re looking at an seven- to eight-hour journey by car or bus — there is something majestic about climbing down to the basin of these still-functioning rice terraces, first built by indigenous peoples over 2,000 years ago.

Manila. People like to badmouth Manila, but one thing you can say about it: the history of the place is very accessible, Whether it’s the walking tours around Intramuros (Carlos Celdran’s being a particularly postmodern example), day trips to Corregidor, or simple bar crawls through Malate, the city of Manila is a cradle containing two centuries’ worth of reinvention. Built up by the Spanish, when Filipinos and Chinese more or less had restricted access, it was bombed to pieces during WWII and continues to be the spot that most tourists end up. Cross the bridge to Quiapo and find some serious Chinese hole-in-the-wall eateries that are not even on Anthony Bourdain’s radar. Enter into the winding streets of ever-evolving Malate, and you’ll find endless karaoke nights, or late-night massage parlors that are on the up-and-up — and cheap.

And oh, yes: the sunset walk along Roxas Boulevard is still quite epic.