5 ways to really enjoy New York City

Last April 15, my parents, siblings, grandfather, cousin and I embarked on a journey to a city called New York. As cheesy as it sounds, it really was quite a journey. The shuffling between airports was particularly brutal for me, mostly because I absentmindedly placed a SwissCard Moneybag Multi-Tool in my carry-on luggage – a definite no-no during airline travel. The employees of Narita International airport would not let me go through until they found the offending object, which I skillfully hid in the abysmal cesspool that was my bag. This fact almost makes me feel sorry that the very blunt and hardly fatal knife got through our airport security. Almost. I am still mourning the loss of my SwissCard.

Thankfully, everything else was smooth sailing, save for the intensely annoying change in pressure during the airplane’s descent, which made me want to rip my ears off. We arrived in the City That Never Sleeps and ironically, that was exactly what we did in the first few hours after arriving: sleep.

However, in a blatant rip-off of Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity, here are my Top Five Things to Do in New York City. This could easily have been Top Five Kinds of People to Stay Away From in New York City, but that’s another story:

1) Go to Fifth Avenue and pretend to be rich. This will never fail to amuse me. There is nothing like going into establishments such as Bulgari, Prada and Fendi knowing that you can’t ever afford anything they offer, however reduced their prices are. Luckily, my family and I aren’t that delusional. However, I do not deny the fun that is pretending. Fifth Avenue is also particularly enjoyable as sometimes, on days when it seems like God is looking down on you, there are male models in shop windows sporting swimwear. Yowza.

2) Frolic in the underground wonder that is the NY Subway. This is also quite entertaining. A $7 Whole Day Pass and you’re solved, as far as amusement goes. This very intricate underground railway takes you to Brooklyn to visit its aptly named Brooklyn Museum, Chinatown for the much-needed starch intake, and the JFK International Airport in case you need a getaway vehicle.

3) Visit as many museums as you can. Coming from an art-centric family, this is a kind of inevitable activity. That said, I am positive that even the most clueless art Neanderthal can appreciate these places. My favorite museums were The Whitney Museum of American Art, the Brooklyn Museum, the Museum of Modern Art and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Granted, these were the only museums I set foot in. But I like these museums for different things: The Whitney because of its pretty-neurotic American art – the kind of art that Americans are generally known for; the Brooklyn Museum mostly because of its architecture and special exhibit on Jean-Michel Basquiat (what can I say, I’m biased); MoMA because it is a modern-art staple and the Met because of its large exhibit on ancient Egyptian history and culture.

4) Take the scenic route: Walk. This will pay off. "How?" you ask. First, brisk walking will decrease the chances of you not fitting in your pants anymore. Second, public transportation isn’t cheap and car rentals are expensive. Third, Manhattan is actually a very interesting place to walk in – fun, even. (Fun only applies to when you don’t feel like cleaving off your legs because of the constant movement.) Walking is not only healthy, cheap – I mean, inexpensive – it is also very fulfilling. How else can you "see the sights" properly? Or step on unscooped – and therefore illegal – dog turd? Appreciate the beauty of shirtless runners in Central Park? This will be very difficult to do inside a bus, on a bicycle or underground. Some downsides to walking are Middle Eastern men in their twenties hitting on you (my mother was a witness to this), and African-American men twice your size who solicit money from you and then refuse the money because they think you’re Chinese. Go figure.

5) Forget about the sales tax. This comes in handy, especially in New York, where the tax percentage makes you want to hang yourself upside-down. When you have forgotten all about the whopping 8.625-percent tax rate, or have chosen to be either apathetic or oblivious to it, that is the only time you are qualified to shop in New York City.

That’s my Top Five. As you may or may not have noticed, places such as the Empire State Building, Broadway, the Statue of Liberty (a friend claimed that venturing to this particular landmark would prove fruitless) and Ground Zero have not been mentioned. This is mainly because we didn’t get a chance to view them on our latest visit. Very unfortunate, yes, but we still had a great time and even had a chance to visit the Philippine Center in Manhattan, which sparked a very entertaining game between my cousin, siblings and me in which we refreshed our very dead and very pathetic memories of Philippine regions, provinces and cities.

Hopefully this list will encourage you to visit and explore the Big Apple, because a visit to New York–despite the windburn and the suddenly-slim wallet–is totally worth the effort.

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For questions or general sporking, e-mail ohoperator@gmail.com.