Trends of the week

MANILA, Philippines - School’s out, the kids are online 24/7, the temperature is rising dangerously close to Venusian levels, and Twitter’s becoming increasingly unpredictable. These things can’t be unrelated. Welcome to the wild world of summer Twitter, where random hashtags have never been this random and the fringes of pop culture have never been this alive. Enjoy the ride and make sure you have enough SPF to shield you from all the WTFs.

The Undertaker trends for an entire day. In 2014.

Wrestlemania XXX happened this week, as Twitter surprisingly mentioned to us, like that five-year-old nephew you had no idea was watching World Wrestling Entertainment. And look who found himself on the trends list — The Undertaker, who had his 21-Wrestlemania-win streak finally snapped by Brock Lesnar. I was shocked, too: I had no idea The Undertaker was still wrestling. That dude debuted when I was in fifth grade, for crying out loud.

And the award for Most Elaborate Non-Hashtag Trending Topic Of The Week (Maybe Ever) goes to: ‘Umasa – Nag-assume – Nasaktan’

A few weeks ago, #TipsParaHindiMasaktan trended, along with the most popular response, “Wag Umasa.” This week, the triptych wonder that is “Umasa – Nag-assume – Nasaktan” graced the trends list. Oh my God, Twitter, who hurt you and why haven’t you moved on?

What’s remarkable about this trending topic is how no one even bothered dropping “umasa” or “nag-assume” along the way. It’s as if everyone could tell the difference because everyone has gone through the same exact progression — never just hoping and then getting disappointed, but always followed by presumption, because of course that’s what makes the pain more potent. We all know the fall gets deadlier the higher up we get, but we just can’t stop flying. That is so spot-on, Twitter. Now, please get a hold of yourself and stop wailing, you’re making a scene.

Twitter can’t wait for Wanderland 2014

The hipsterfication of the Philippines will be tweeted. No one really said this, but it nonetheless became true this week as Brooklyn-based indie band The Drums appeared on the same trends list that regularly churns out One Direction and Taylor Swift. This came on the heels of the announcement of Wanderland 2014’s line-up, which features The Drums, Architecture in Helsinki, Royal Concepts, and Lucy Rose, among others.

This is the sort of thing that never happened even during the peak of the ‘90s Alternative Music explosion. There was never a festival in Manila in 1995 that featured The Cardigans, Bettie Serveert, and Luna. It wasn’t even remotely close to happening. But now we’re here, at a time when The National is as likely to come back as Paramore, and like most of the things that take up most of our time these days (good or bad), we have the Internet to thank for this.

They fOught the #RHLaw and the law won (sort of)

As RH Law supporters cheered outside the Supreme Court compound in Baguio on Tuesday, Twitter was in a less jovial mood. The SC finally declared the RH Law constitutional except for some provisions that netizens chose to nitpick because they subsist on a steady diet of snark and because they have a point. Without provisions that require health institutions to provide full access to reproductive health services and information, the RH Law doesn’t sound like much of a law. Imagine if paying taxes were optional. Or obeying traffic laws. Oh wait, that is already optional.

Still, the gap between the people in Baguio and the people online was a matter of which half of the glass they chose to focus on. The ruling was deemed a victory by the proponents of RH on the ground, where the symbolism could be felt the most: a significant shift in Philippine legislation that had ignored reproductive health for years. Yet, this feeling of triumph is also possible on (digital) paper. Some of the provisions that survived could actually help mitigate the disappointing compromise. For instance, section 20 states that the DOH “shall initiate and sustain a heightened nationwide multimedia-campaign to raise the level of public awareness on the protection and promotion of reproductive health and rights.” This means we can now bludgeon the public with an aggressive RH information campaign and legally annoy conservatives and clergymen who are gloating over the elimination of sections 7, 17, and 23. In other words: who else is excited for Asec. Eric Tayag’s contraceptive dance?

Is that a hashtag in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Less than 12 hours after the RH Law was upheld, #WhenLibogAttacks became the top trending topic. We’ve totally won, you guys!