Trends of the week

MANILA, Philippines - So who won Twitter this week? The Golden Globe awardees? An all-time great filmmaker and possible child molester? A Filipina caregiver in Tel Aviv who moonlights as a contestant for X-Factor Israel? Mother nature?

The answer, based on the week’s top trends: none of the above. Twitter is the only thing that ever actually wins Twitter, and the topics it plays around with are simultaneously its weapons and spoils. So congratulations, everyone, we’ve won. Again.

#GoldenGlobes

Awards shows are culturally relevant again, thanks in large part to social media and the new conversation bandwagon culture it promotes. This week, the Golden Globes had its highest rating telecast in a decade because, of course, more people are bound to tune in to the Golden Globes if their news feed constantly begs them to join in the conversation if only to stay relevant for the next few hours and days. God forbid we don’t have an opinion on something.

Social media has also made the awards show experience more fun than ever before. In the cynical world of Twitter, no one pretends that the word “best” means anything other than “who the academy wants people to talk about for the next few weeks” and the ceremonies are reduced to the live comedy event that it’s always been. From the pre-show “fun fact” of Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease being diagnosed in 1991, which spawned a two-hour-long meme of other depressing “fun facts” (the best one: “Fun Fact: Employers only pay workers a fraction of the actual value they produce”), to Jacqueline Bisset’s bizarre acceptance speech (Ellen Degeneres tweeted: “I helped write Jacqueline Bisset’s speech. Did you like it?”), the 2014 Golden Globes did not disappoint Twitter.

Yet, with all the joke tweets that flooded our timelines during awards night, the best ones were still dished out by co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who were so funny, they did not trend. The only way to trend without winning any awards is to be unintentionally funny, because mockery is social media’s main currency, and you cannot be mocked if you are incredibly good at your job, especially if it undermines Twitter’s assumed job. Comedy — like writing, photography, architecture, and medicine — is still best left to the professionals.

Woody Allen

The Golden Globe Awards also made it possible for Woody Allen to trend probably for the first time. Twitter wasn’t around yet when his relationship with ex-girlfriend Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter Soon-Yi was made public, but here it is now, ready to dust off those ‘90s pervert jokes after Allen won the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. Woody Allen has one of the most impressive filmographies ever, which is only made more impressive by the fact that he’s also among the most prolific filmmakers ever, yet that’s not what comes up on Twitter when he is honored for his outstanding film career in an awards ceremony for film. Social media would rather talk about his life as a cradle snatcher and an accused child molester of Farrow’s other adopted daughter, Dylan. Ronan Farrow, Allen’s son with Mia Farrow, summed up Twitter’s personalization of cinema when he tweeted: “Missed the Woody Allen tribute — did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?”

Ummm… no, Ronan, because the award is for your disowned father’s work as a filmmaker, not as a human being or a member of your family. But if Ronan Farrow wants to use his stepsister’s trauma for a sarcastic tweet, then that’s his business. He can express his legitimate hurt over Allen’s behavior any way he wants. What’s puzzling are other people’s reactions to this lifetime achievement award, people who were never part of the Allen-Farrow household, people who’ve never even met a member of that household, people whose only relationship with the man is as an audience member of one of his movies. The irony is that the person who should care most about the award is also the one who apparently cares the least. Allen didn’t even bother showing up to receive his Golden Globe, or any film award he’s ever won in his life, for that matter. He’s been known to be dismissive of awards shows, claiming that they are not relevant to his work. But his family life apparently is, according to the moralizing millions of Twitter.

#SaSobrangLamig

#SaSobrangLamig nag-trend ang hashtag na ito. The cold weather has been around for quite some time now, but it may not be around for long. Climate change has turned the Earth into a manic-depressive mess and it frankly wouldn’t be surprising if summer starts late next week. So please, people, if you’re going to use this hashtag, make it count. Don’t just make the same tired references to snuggling in bed, the sudden inconveniences of showering, and the same boring wink-wink jokes about sex. Filipinos are supposed to be hilarious people, right? This is our golden opportunity to turn this into a seasonal “Yo Momma” joke series. Like, instead of tweeting the 800th “#SaSobrangLamig tumigas ang…kape ko LOL” joke, how about something a little more creative? Something like, “#SaSobrangLamig hindi na mukhang pretentious ang mag tweed jacket” or whatever.

Lunar halo

A lunar halo appeared in our skies on Monday night, which naturally prompted Twitter to shout “UFO!” in unison, because Twitter is really a high school classroom when no teachers are around. Experts, however, say that the halo-like circle that surrounded the moon signifies the coming of cirrus clouds that may bring about rain. An ominous sign of a possible disaster this early in the year is certainly the last thing our country needs right now. But what it did get was a rare majestic sight that gave our reality a much-needed reminder of the sublime. In our highly technologized world, there is still nothing more breathtaking than nature and the random ways it can amaze. We don’t know for sure if its beauty portends its future ugliness. All we know is that it was lovely while it lasted.

Rose Fostanes

Okay, where to begin with this Rose Fostanes thing? That an OFW based in Tel Aviv somehow won the very first X-Factor Israel? That a nation known for its xenophobia voted for a foreigner to be their first ever X-Factor winner? That a Filipina with those pipes would have to work as a caregiver in Israel and then stumble into a foreign edition of X-Factor, when we already have our own? That this Filipina happens to be a loud and proud lesbian? That her winning piece is Frank Sinatra’s My Way, which not only is the Philippines’ official drop-the-mic, somebody’s-getting-killed-after-this videoke song, but also the pop song most relevant to Pinoys because of our general pride over our idiosyncrasies and our love for anarchy?

It was another win for champions of Pinoy Pride, whose flag-waving constantly annoys the equally proud contrarians who love sharing articles by getrealphilippines.com while basking in their presumed superiority. We’ve been through this many times before. If you’re tired of that worn-out debate on whether we should or shouldn’t be proud of fellow Filipinos pleasing foreigners and whatnot, then there’s another way of appreciating Rose Fostanes’ victory: by just objectively enjoying the awesome details of her story. Sometimes a talent show is just a talent show and not a rallying cry for an advocacy.

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