Why we can’t escape beauty standards (and how to deal)

MANILA, Philippines - Dove’s most recent commercial went viral this week and reaped a number of arguments, along with the expected “aww’s.” Naturally, one of the first points people raised was that Dove’s reaching out to the “regular” women was merely part of its branding  a marketing ploy to bring in more sales. Fair enough, although notions of beauty pre-date and are independent of capitalism, so I would consider this a minor issue. Capitalism being capitalism will simply adapt itself to profit from desires that already exist.

The bigger and more crucial issue that people raised was how the ad still focused on physical beauty as a source of a woman’s self-esteem and self-value — natural beauty, but physical beauty. And from here came all the obvious suggestions that people should instead focus on a woman’s intelligence, strength, and all those other meaningful intangibles. As one video blogger put it, “Who gives a f*ck about the wrapping paper?

In defense of physical beauty

I will be the last to devalue traits like intelligence and strength. Actually, the reason why I won’t be focusing on them in this article is because I consider it a given. For any human being to live a substantial and successful life, they have to be so much more than their shell. It’s true that the world is kinder to beautiful people, but sooner or later we will all have to pull our weight, do the work well and consistently, love ourselves to our very core, and generously give ourselves to other people. I don’t see why I should dwell on this here because life is going to ask it of you anyway whether I state it or not. So if you’re worried that flipping your hair could possibly get you through your entire existence, don’t worry. Your work, dreams, relationships, and causes will be so much more demanding than that. In fact, you yourself should be so much more demanding than that.

That being said, the suggestion that physical beauty should be altogether junked when perceiving and appreciating people is something I find weird. First of all, we’re very visual creatures. We appreciate art, architecture, well-designed objects and spaces, the views we take in during out-of-town trips, and even animals and flowers. We’re allowed to gasp at the “surface-level” beauty in the world, but when it comes to other people, “Oops! Intelligence lang.” I imagine that would be such a contrived (not to mention, unsuccessful) attempt. I don’t think we’ll be able to help ourselves.

Secondly, the “wrapping paper” is very much a part of us, too. Notice how people’s souls perk up when they emerge from seemingly inane things such as a make-over or a good haircut — surface changes that supposedly shouldn’t be able to impact one’s inner being and the way they relate to others, except that they do. Like I said in last week’s article, I don’t believe in leaving the physical part of us behind, declaring it shallow. We can get into hyper spirituality when we’re dead and free of our earthly bodies, but habang tao ka, maging tao ka.

On societal standards

All this anti-beauty talk stems from the standards that society seems to impose on the majority of women who simply weren’t born with the features being glorified in today’s glossies. Dove recognized this untapped territory and stepped in to be the anti-Victoria’s Secret. I have reservations about Dove’s advertising strategy, too. I feel like they patronize women and throw them a “you are beautiful, too” bone, when this is a profound honor they should be doing for themselves. There is nothing sexy about having to be told.

'Anlapad niya!'

I also don’t buy into the idea that regular women are poor, hapless, boohoohoo victims of the media. When ASAP Supreme gave the public a full-figured KC Concepcion dancing to Beyonce’s Love on Top, and Cosmopolitan Philippines shared the video on their Facebook page, KC being their cover girl that month, it was the regular women who made really rude comments about her body. The media put KC on their stage and said she performed with “sass and class.” The real women, however, were disgusted. “Anlapad niya!” “Dapat nagpa-lipo muna siya!” “Not sexy at all!” Victims? Please. Bitch din kayo.

We forget that we are society. Even fashion PR maven Kelly Cutrone said, “I believe it’s the consumers who drive the market, not the market that drives the consumers. I promise you that if 60 percent of society decided that chunky, Rubenesque women were the epitome of fashion chic, the first people to give it to them would be fashion designers.”

Not that any of this matters. As long as human beings continue to imagine ideals, society will always have standards. Even the curvy, voluptuous bodies of the Marilyn Monroe era were a standard that I’m sure naturally skinny girls with humble Kate Moss boobs are grateful to not have been born into. It’s all a random shuffle of genes and timing, really.

Intelligence and strength

We have standards even for intelligence and strength. Where is the standard that’s supposed to recognize that some college dropouts merely preferred to learn in a way that the current system of education couldn’t cater to? We celebrate them, sure — when they reach a Steve Jobs level of success. But for the academically inclined, they are perceived to be such achieved and brilliant individuals even before they find jobs. We celebrate the strength of mothers, but have a hard time appreciating the strength of women who don’t want children and would rather spend their life on other pursuits. I’m not saying the favored people in these scenarios don’t work hard and didn’t earn their credit, but even here, society discriminates.

It’s been said that the two certainties in life are death and taxes. Well, I think now we can add societal standards to that list. They will evolve, but they will always be there. And we will all fall short in different ways and degrees because no one’s really supposed to win these things. Some would find this depressing, but I think that’s exactly what should have people realize that there is no point in taking this all too seriously.  Have fun with it and just do what you would have yourself do. If you want to work out and lose weight, do it. If you already like your figure, that’s fine, too. I know someone who won’t apologize for getting a nose job, and at the same time embraces her curves and her deep morena skin tone. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what you do with yourself as long as it comes from a place of groundedness, and you can pull it off with conviction. People generally won’t mess with you if they can’t.

 Balance this off with a gentle reminder that the world doesn’t owe it to you to be fair, and it doesn’t care that it isn’t. It may not be just to be bombarded by your environment and at the end of the day only have yourself, but what are you gonna do? That’s exactly where each and every one of us is at.

* * *

Tweet the author @catedeleon.