What does your selfie say about you?
MANILA, Philippines - We don’t really have to define what a selfie is. If you have Instagram and you don’t have a selfie, sinungaling! Now re-visit your 286 selfies out of your 543 pictures on your Instagram, and see what your selfies say about you. O, hwag kang sensitive ha. You put a picture of yourself on Instagram. It took at least three seconds of our lives. We could’ve used that to take a picture of our feet or the clouds.
The duck face selfie
How to do it:
Press your lips together in the form of a duck’s bill.
Pout your eyes.
Lift your shoulders closer to your chin.
Press click.
Pout your lips more. Sige pa. Kulang pa. Ops, okay na. Lakas mo nang maka-bibe.
Press click again, duckie.
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #duckface #duckfaceswag
What you think it means: I’m so cute talaga!
What my friends think it means: So, feeling mo cute ka?
What it actually means: So, feeling mo cute ka?
The “tingin sa kawalan†selfie
How to do it:
Look to your upper left or right or lower left or right, whichever is more like an ahrt. Remember, the farther the kawalan, the more ahrt it is.
Derivative: Close your eyes. Feel the kawalan from inside your soul.
Breathe in.
Hold your breath, hold it… Press click.
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #munimuni #emo #calm
What you think it means: It’s still me, only with ahrt.
What my friends think it means: Pa-deep. What’s the meaning of life, teh?
What it actually means: Hindi frontal ang angle mo.
The “OOTD-selfie combo†selfie
How to do it:
Wear your most fashiown outfit.
Pose like a model. Choose from the following:
My neck hurts pose: Slightly bend your neck. Putting one hand behind your neck is optional.
My stomach hurts pose: Slight bend your hips forward. Put at least one hand on your hips. Breathe in.
Ay, may dumi ako sa paa pose: Lift one foot sideways. Bend your body closer to the lifted foot. Slightly touch the heel of your foot. Look down. Don’t smile.
Press click.
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #OOTD #fashion #swag #instafashion #model #style
What you think it means: I’m so effortlessly fashionable.
What my friends think it means: She’s fashionable, k. Effort!
What it actually means: Please say you like my outfit. And visit my online store.
The shy, pa-mysterious selfie
How to do it:
Pose in front of the camera, but don’t show your whole face. Show only half of it, or a quarter of it, or a part of it. Hide behind an object—a tree, a wall or your camera.
Ask yourself: Is it art enough? If yes, proceed to #3. If no, crop more. And more. Until it becomes like an ahrt. Then proceed to #3.
Press click.
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #art
What you think it means: Art!
What my friends think it means: Art!
What it actually means: K. Art.
The “I’m so sexy†selfie
How to do it:
Work out. Get six-pack abs. Get a boob job.
For boys, take off your shirt. For girls, wear a cleavage-revealing top.
Kapalan ang mukha.
Stomach in. Chest out. Hold it… Then press click.
Ask yourself: Do you look like an A&F model? If yes, ows? If no, k, thanks for being honest.
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #sexy #instabody #instasexy
What you think it means: I’m so hot!
What my friends think it means: #GGSS (Gandang-ganda sa sarili)
What it actually means: You’re so vain.
The against the mirror selfie
How to do it:
Stand in front of a mirror. Choose from the following: bedroom mirror, ladies’ room, elevator mirror.
Pose. Press click.
Repeat process as deemed necessary. You’re in front of a mirror; kapag hindi ka pa maganda sa picture, it’s not my problem anymore!
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #mirror
What you think it means: I’m so effortlessly pretty.
What my friends think it means: Kebs.
What it actually means: Kebs.
The “duckface, tingin sa kawalan, OOTD, I’m so sexy, against the mirror†selfie
How to do it:
Do a duckface.
Tumingin sa kawalan. Like an ahrt.
Wear a fashiown outfit.
Show your abs. Reveal your cleavage.
Stand in front of a mirror.
Hold all the poses. Then click.
Hashtags to attach: #selfie #me #myself #instaself #duckface #duckfaceswag #munimuni #emo #calm #OOTD #fashion #swag #instafashion #model #style #sexy #instabody #instasexy #mirror #inubosmonalahatnghashtag #magtirakanamannghashtag
What you think it means: A for A-ffort ako, so please like my photo.
What my friends think it means: A for A-ffort ka, so k, I’ll like your photo.
What it actually means: A for A-ffort ako, so please like my photo.#
