In defense of cyber stalking

MANILA, Philippines - There was a time when porn was the only reason people didn’t want anybody looking over their shoulders at the computer. Fast forward to today, porn has found an anthem in Avenue Q, and we have found a new hobby to be ashamed about: lurking on someone else’s Facebook/Twitter page.

At least during these modern times, social networks have made it possible for us to stalk without leaving a trace. I can still remember the uproar when Friendster added the “Who Viewed My Profile” feature one day without any warning, catching a substantial number of people in the act. Multiply ridiculously followed suit, and we had to make sure to log out before viewing certain accounts as if our lives depended on it.

When Facebook first installed its infamous ticker, there was a violent reaction. Granted that we really don’t care about 98 percent of what’s on that feed, but most of the comments went like, “Only stalkers are going to benefit from this.” I was tempted to reply, “Weh, so ikaw hindi?” They were speaking of stalkers as though they were a separate breed of creepers. I was utterly convinced that there were only two kinds of people on the Internet: those who admitted to cyber stalking and those who denied it. Frankly, I think denying that you’re gay would make more sense, cause then you’d have a pretend alternative: being straight. But what is the alternative to denying that you’re interested in other people?

Why the shame?

Whoever invented the touchscreen phone should be shot. Sometimes it slips out of your hand, and in the struggle to catch it, you accidentally press the “Follow” button. And in the maddening seconds it takes to Unfollow, you pray that the person wasn’t online and receiving updates, the odds of which are very slim these days.

Not wanting someone to know that you’ve been looking at them is perfectly normal. This kind of self-consciousness goes back even way before dial-up connections and Hotmail. But stigmatizing cyber stalking as a whole, or even being in the closet about it, is the most ridiculous thing. We may not get a lot of confessions, but if you’re a computer literate human being, you instinctively know that it’s as common as having hair.

I’ve heard quite a few stories about people freaking out when they find they’ve been viewed surreptitiously on social media, but I don’t know. Don’t you think it’s absolutely moronic to make an issue over people checking out what you made available to check out? Wag tanga, please.

In fact, these are the kind of things you’re supposed to assume already. Going on a COCOL date? Met someone interesting and gave your name? Made new friends? Applying for a new job? Yeah, these people have been all over your page by now, along with a bunch of others who had their own reasons. Exes and abangers go without saying.

Sometimes these people will slip and you will catch them. You want to be calm and dignified about these things and act as if you’re used to the attention. There’s a difference between being genuinely flattered: “Yeee, ikaw ha.” (although I strongly suggest that you keep this to yourself), and being whiny and feeling: “Oh my Goooood! He’s stalking meeee!” It becomes a lot easier to take this all in stride once you accept that you yourself are a true-blue creeper. Then you’ll start to think… I don’t know. What do you think about people who breathe?

Why do we stalk?

I cyber stalk, and I don’t even have to be romantically interested in a person to do that. When my friends are dating someone new, I like to see what they look like, where they come from, and try to gauge what they’re like from what they post. I did the same when I found out my boss was engaged. We don’t hang out, but I just wanted to see a picture. I stalk when I hear gossip about someone, when I have a mysterious hunky classmate, when there’s a friend of a friend who’s living a glamorous life, when there’s someone I look up to for her career and her thoughts, when I want to see how a guy I dated is doing, and even down to my buddy’s gold digger ex. And yes, it’s possible to have a tiny crush on someone you haven’t met and whose profile you just stumbled upon.

It’s not like I want to be right there when they wake up, or would even cry when they died, but clicking a few buttons is convenient enough, and I don’t mind doing it on account of certain people every now and then. Besides, wouldn’t it be a lot creepier if the only profile you ever looked at was your own?

We like to worry about how technology is supposedly making us less human, and I think it’s sad to doubt our humanity that way. Cyber stalking is proof that regardless of the changing mediums, people will always care and be interested in other people — and then pretend upon physical contact that they’re learning everything for the first time. We’re an adorable species that way.

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