7 sins of a bad amateur band

MANILA, Philippines - Bad amateur bands — there’s no escaping them. While there are some amateur bands that I’d travel miles for, there are some that I wish I never heard or heard of. Correction: there are many of them.

For two weeks, I have assigned myself to listen to more amateur bands than my eardrums would allow me to. I’ve dutifully kept myself in a rehearsal studio somewhere in the metro and have gone fulltime as its sound technician and manager. In my stay there, I’ve noticed some quirks that are sure to send any amateur band to the depths of music oblivion:

1. Bad amateur bands (or some of its members) come in late. I don’t know if it has something to do with overinflated egos, but it’s quite noticeable: The later the band arrives for their rehearsal hours, the more utterly bleh their music is. Perhaps, a more sound explanation would be that less time practicing means less time improving.

2. Bad amateur bands don’t know how to use amplifiers. First, they plug their instruments in while the amplifier’s still on. Not only does this cause the popping sound, it also tears the speaker’s membrane (little by little). Then, bad amateur bands arrange the knobs like they were switches in the 1989 Prince of Persia videogame.

Each amplifier is different and each setting is different. Mix your equalizer each time you plug in. And finally, know the difference between “volume” and “gain.” They both increase/decrease the loudness of your instrument, but there is a crucial difference between the two. Study them.

3. Bad amateur bands rely only on one or two skillful members. The rest are just extras. I heard an amateur band sound like crap for its first 20 minutes. But when their Hendrix-esque lead guitarist came in, their rehearsal was saved. While the lead guitarist played well, the others still sounded out of tune and out of tempo.

A band is a band for a reason. Bands with superstars didn’t make it without their bandmates. Eric Clapton had Cream, John Mayer had the John Mayer Trio, and The Beatles had each other. Don’t be scared to tell your bandmate off, or in worse cases, eject an incompetent and unprofessional one.

4. Bad amateur bands don’t know the difference between “influences” and “references.” A lot of amateur bands these days sound like the bands they cover. It’s okay to cover songs every once in awhile. That’s also some form of practice. But to sound exactly the same as any old band takes the meat away. Your “influences” should say something about your music; your “references” keep you stuck in the limbo of being only a cover or tribute band.

5. Bad amateur bands don’t know what sound checks are for, except to hook their listeners to some badass riff with no follow-up. Bad amateur bands are composed of divas. They all try to level up on one another by making their instruments stand out more than their bandmates’ instruments. We’ve heard it said again and again: “They’re good, but I can’t hear the vocals ‘cause of the drummer (or the guitarist, or the bassist, etc.).”

In the absence of a sound technician, have someone in the crowd tell you whether your mix is balanced or not. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Besides, the goal is to play music — not to deafen the crowd.

6. Bad amateur bands have no high ambitions. In Sting’s autobiography, he kept on recounting how there was always a bigger purpose to his playing. It was never “just for the music.” It was always about some sublime, lofty ambition of becoming one of the world’s best musicians. The feeling was so strong that even in his dire jobless poverty, he kept on playing in small bars and even theater acts. He even moved from his hometown in provincial Newcastle to London because he felt the opportunity waited for him there. All he had back then was his now-ex-wife, his firstborn, and his car.

While the Philippine music scene is nowhere near the fired-up British music industry, it seems that our amateur bands are suffering some sort of melancholia. Chin up. There’s still hope for us: amateurs turn pros, and pros give way to the new. We’re all in the same ship.

Don’t just play for the fame or the feel of it. Play because you’re the best there is and the best there’ll ever be.

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