Bitches and catfights: real vs. reel

MANILA, Philippines - Clearly, the Year of the Snake is a bad time to get with anybody who used to belong to somebody. Should you choose to do so, just bear in mind that people are on the lookout for every excuse to throw the word “ahas” around this year. It’s the current trend.

It is a long-standing ideal that bros come before hoes, and I’m assuming that the only reason women don’t have an equally catchy phrase of their own is because we don’t think it needs to be said. Right before Gerald Anderson’s one-on-one with Tito Boy on The Buzz last Sunday, we were shown mushy clips of Kim Chiu and Maja Salvador still in a state of blissful, teary-eyed best friend-ship. But as it is with these bro/sis-code rules, they only hold until people encounter someone for whom these rules must be broken. Right on cue, Gerald’s photo pushed in between the images of the two girls, splitting them apart on the TV screen. How cheesy!

Friends before boys?

As Pinoys with an addictive love for the soap opera type of drama, we predictably root for the “aping bida,” and whoever violates the friends-before-boys law is the slutty bitch from hell. “Boyfriends come and go but best friends are forever” as the people stuck in high school like to say. But, eh, I think that’s far too simplistic to be a reliable gauge. What if this was the love of your life? What if your friend was the one being unreasonable? What if something in your gut was telling you to give it a chance? What if best friend mo din siya?

And for the record, best friends come and go, too. People are people. Whether lovers or friends, they all have the potential to either leave you or stick it out. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to come to that. Sometimes you just grow apart, and it’s not something you thought to cry over. So while friendship is definitely a good thing that is meant to be valued deeply, let us not put it on a higher pedestal than it deserves. Leave it up to people to decide which connections to value. The thought of telling someone who to love more is kind of creepy.

I’m not being heartless. The only reason I’m not dwelling on the damage showbiz’s newest lovebirds just caused is because there’s no need to flesh those wounds out further. Everybody already sympathizes with Kim. Un-demonizing Maja and Gerald Ander-zoned is the stone left unturned here. I neither know them nor have an exclusive interview to back this up, but I like to think that people are aware of the choices they make — that anything they do that goes against the grain and hurts those they love is a tough call, but one that they deem worthy to stand by for whatever reasons they have. Teleseryes teach us to spot the kontrabida, but in reality there usually isn’t one — just human beings with conflicting interests and views.

Class vs. crass

It is also a relief that the sampalan and hair-pulling scenes in Ina, Kapatid, Anak don’t translate to reality. Kim is being revealingly honest about how she feels (none of that pa-strong, pa-happy front) without ruining her smile, poise, and makeup. Anyone who is beautiful, elegant, and graceful in her pain deserves to be a life peg. May she serve as an inspiration, nay, an intervention, for those who flaunt their emo vibes and blubber like idiots on social media.

Gerald and Maja have been admirable, too, I must say. They know how to be gracious and not to defend themselves from the backlash when they hurt someone. They can set their egos aside and give Kim the space to say whatever she needs to say, even those little statements that come with an edge. In short, walang sagutang nagaganap. It’s not always appropriate to put up a fiery fight for love. Sometimes it’s better to simply stand your ground and not say much else. Respect that others might have a bigger need to do the talking.

Yes, we are currently learning values from showbiz intriga. Contrary to the embarrassing behavior of the teleserye’s least-discerning viewers, real life isn’t one big soap opera. Here there is drama and authenticity, but at the same time care, consideration, and holding back when it is needed. For everything else, there is the privacy of your home, your (remaining) best friends, and a bottle of vodka.

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